Group therapy is not for me

I attend group therapy on my computer online and I am thinking about quitting after 5 sessions. It hurts when I wanted to talk about something painful that happened to me last week but not being able to expand on it. We are asked at the beginning to say briefly how the last week went. The group is 4 people and the therapist with session time being 1 hour and 30 minutes. Each week one client has to take up all the time to talk about. People take turns each week. The last time it was my turn was early last month. These sessions just drag with people repeating themselves saying the same thing in 5 different ways. I am filled with sadness at the moment because I had really difficult last week (It is not related to elections) and having no time to talk about how much pain I feel. I just spent 1hr and 30 mins listening to this guy talk about wanting to end his romantic relationship even though both people in it are happy together. The other people are just elongating the conversation since they eventually just repeat themselves.

As the session went on, I started feeling sad and angry emotions. I just wanted to interrupt session to get some speaking time. I am way too selfish for group therapy. I zone out and lose interest quickly. Being in group therapy makes me feel even lonelier because it is a space where I can seek support but it hurts not being able to elaborate on how I am doing. Much rather be lonely by myself than in group therapy. I am leaning toward emailing the therapist and telling them that I don’t want to be apart of it.

Wow that sounds awful. I would think they could at least divide it into two 45 minute segments and give 2 people a chance to tallk. If it wasn't my week I would probaby skip.

I am in graduate DBT class and we do something similar but we each get a chance to talk if we want. At the start of the meeting we each put our name up if we want to talk and we rank our need by 1-5. Those with the more serious needs go first and everything is timed. After the person tells their story there is a short question time and then we are allowed to give feedback or suggestions.

I think that is bad enough when certain people ramble on about the same stuff every week but and hour and a half from one person???

IMO group therapy should almost never be for anyone in crisis, new to diagnosis, recently out of crisis and not having been stable for a good amount of time. A person with those needs should get their own time. The tendency for people with mental illness to caretake and make other people's problems their own is huge and hinders successful treatment. Also mental illness carries certain aspects of needing a lot of individual time but with an audience in a group setting. Forcing others to forgo their own needs while they monopolize the whole group. I think some therapists use it as a substitute for their own responsibilities basically steering the group and moderating it. The whole point of therapy is working with a professional. Not other unwell people. I think people who have been stable for a long time might benefit from support from their peers but even then people tend to become preachy, judgy and diagnosis or recommend too much. I am not saying it isnt helpful to anyone or that a person has never benefitted. But personally I almost never get behind group therapy.

That group you're attending sounds quite forced. I'm attending encounter groups which are fluid and closer to the reality of social interactions. Anyone is free to talk whenever the person wants to. If someone "abuses group resources/time", or is "silencing" someone else, the group or the facilitator can intervene.

Each encounter group is very different though, it largely depends on the people who attend. A friend of mine attends support groups for addicts. They work on a similar basis. Everyone gets to talk, everyone gets to update, everyone gets to be involved. A difference between these support groups and encounter groups is that in encounter groups you can chose to stay quiet. Where it helped me the most is to recognize the responsibilities I can take for myself and act upon them. It was a big proponent of my personal development, because I used to "cut corners" way too much when it came to myself.

I went to Group a couple of times when I had a Case Manager she suggested it. I didn't do well with the format.

I went to a day program for a few years but it was basically just an adult daycare. My new therapist is pushing me to do different groups like the ones suggested but I don’t think I have the social skills to jump in and out of the conversation and give my feedback when I don’t know what I’m feeling half the time let alone someone else. Plus with my history of bad hospital experiences because of the other patients I’m not sure people will be very nice. So I’ve been wary of joining one.

On computer, like zoom, I'm assuming. I used to do AA meetings this way and personally I think it makes things worse! I think group therapy would be good if it was paired with one on one as well. It's good to hear people struggling with the same issues so you don't feel so alone and crazy. At the same time, like you said, sometimes.you need time to expand your thoughts and feelings without interruption.

Best of luck!

I facilitated a NAMI group for a couple of years before covid. I really enjoy groups. Generally speaking, if someone isn't benefiting from a group it's because the facilitator isn't doing a good job.

I had mixed group therapy experiences - all in person. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult they would be virtually. Doesn't seem like it would work very well. It may not be "group therapy" that is the problem so much as it is the modality. I HATE virtual meetings. They do not replicate "whole" human interactions.

Something else I've noticed about groups from being in them or from facilitating them. Every group has it's own personality. It's interesting. Put 8 people in a group, they just "fit" together and the group is successful. In another group there can be 8 people who just don't work well together for whatever reason and the group flops.

I have never attended group therapy and will never. I am to private. However, I have worked in an IOP program for 5 years. Some people do very well and enjoy the program. With some groups the clients mesh well and learn a lot from each other. Our therapists are really good at making sure everybody gets a chance to be heard. On occasion we get somebody who us just too sick for this modality. Frequently, they end up going inpatient. Since we are part of a inpatient psychiatric hospital and have the same psychiatrist the patient receives the continuity of care.

I love group therapy and really miss it. It helped me in AA to stop drinking. I love group dialogue, campfire stories and other settings. Sometimes they call it the wisdom of the crowd when it is done in social media. I've been looking for free group therapy sessions that deal with attachment issues. Doing it online is much different and not has helpful because you can't read all of the body language. I started zoom calls with family members so we can catch up and keep up with each other. Don't get me wrong, I like one-on-one sessions too, but group interaction can give you more perspectives. Kind of reminds me of meeting at the dinner table as a family.

The format you described where one person has to present sounds challenging. Can you suggest format changes? When I was active in AA meetings nobody was "forced" to talk. Some people like to talk and open up. Some people don't. Giving more latitude to the participants could be helpful.

I think I made a good decision not going to ''his Group''... a while back. I think it would have been a ... sub optimal... experience for me. I did go to a few ''sessions'' with another colleague of that person (in a group) and a ''mean'' group member was ''encouraged'' to speak in hostile ways, after someone had shared something painful. Not helpful.

A couple of members also repeated themselves a lot and about what to me felt like ''trivia''..... I did not go back.

totally agree with this!

My IOP is kinda frustrating as well. But it’s a free for all and you have to just jump in and talk. If you have ever seen that progressive commercial where they are in a zoom meeting, that is exactly what my groups are like. I am getting zero 1 on 1 support besides a 10 minute call from my case manager once a week. I really don’t get what the actual point is. The only thing that’s really going on is I’m missing individual therapy terribly and she said she wants me to focus on the group. Yeah. Like that is happening. I’ll be fine when I get done with group because I won’t want to go back, but I do want to get surgery in order to feel major relief from my issues because I have PMDD.

This is exactly how I feel.

I completely agree with this. The one group that really worked beautifully for me was one where two therapists (working as co-leaders of my group) hand-picked members from their individual clients who they felt would jive well together. It was an amazing group and I gained some really key insights through that group experience that I don't think I could have ever quite gotten in individual therapy. It was good for me to have a second therapist experience, and the women I was in the group with were sort of kindred spirits -- it was definitely well-planned and thought out by the two therapists.

I tried a couple other groups that were just fairly random in membership and focus (before and after that really great group experience), and neither were particularly helpful - just no real affinity for the other members.