[Tangerine87]

I really hate Tele therapy. I miss seeing my therapist in person and lately It’s been difficult. She says that she thinks I feel safer virtually because I don’t dissociate as much as I did when we were in person... I don’t know if this makes sense but she feels less real virtually. It’s like I know she’s real but my mind doesn’t see it. Anyone feel like this?

[Yaowen]

Dear Tangerine87,

I don't have much experience with therapists so I don't know that I am able to be helpful. I think, however, that your thoughts and feelings are very understandable. Hopefully others with more experience with therapists will see your post and respond to it.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[just2b]

it started out better because I could did not have to feel her physical presence. and was able to talk easier. then by the 3rd or 4th one it was getting to me., i also felt like she wasnt really into it. Now cant say as I have not seen her for 30 days. Authorization issues. so see her once a month. Thurs is my appt. not sure how i feel about it. I dissociate the same amount in person or not.

[nottrustin]

I am sorry you are having a hard time. I too find teletherapy difficult. My T has commented on how much progress I have made because I do not dissociate. For me it isn't about feeling safer at home. It is because I feel less safe. I hear the other people on my house plus she is not physically there to make me feel safe. I fear she would not be able to bring me back so easily. So I am not able to completely be in the room or attempt to allow feelings at all. Last night I stated to freeze and then heard a child talking. It brought me back partially.

I totally understand. Since my therapist and i live in different countries, normally all we have is telephone or video. Its always so hard. However because of the coronavirus i am stuck where she lives. So we get to see each other in person every week. So i finally get a break from teletherapy.

[Mountaindewed]

I’ve had 2 sessions which honestly weren’t much different then telehelath. The last time I saw her I thought to myself “she has legs!” Cause I hadn’t seen her fully in so long.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

I totally understand. Since my therapist and i live in different countries, normally all we have is telephone or video. Its always so hard. However because of the coronavirus i am stuck where she lives. So we get to see each other in person every week. So i finally get a break from teletherapy.

Wow. Besides the therapy aspect is oi a positive thing you are stuck? Did you travel to her country or did she come home?

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

I totally understand. Since my therapist and i live in different countries, normally all we have is telephone or video. Its always so hard. However because of the coronavirus i am stuck where she lives. So we get to see each other in person every week. So i finally get a break from teletherapy.

Wow. Besides the therapy aspect is it a positive thing you are stuck? Did you travel to her country or did she come home?

[*Beth*]

I've been doing teletherapy for 7 months and it has never gotten easier. My T also keeps telling me how I've made such progress. I agree, in part. But I also am not as relaxed at home as I am in her office. So, as others have mentioned on this thread, I tend not to let deeper emotions show. I just can't; I'm distracted by every noise. And I keep thinking, what if someone knocks on my door?

But I work to be as genuine online as I am in person. Teletherapy is definitely preferable to phone therapy - or nothing at all.

I doubt I will have therapy irl for another year, or close to.

[Merope]

I hate it too, it’s just not the same. I miss the safety of his office and feel like all I’m doing is waiting. It really hurts. I hope I get to see him next year. The thing that also gets to me is that a few months ago he would repeatedly say “maybe I’ll start seeing people face to face in three weeks”. But it never happened and then a second lockdown came. I feel like he got my hopes up and now it’s even harder. And sometimes the internet is bad on his side and the video doesn’t work so we have to switch to phone. It’s disruptive and painful and I hate it.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Merope

I hate it too, it’s just not the same. I miss the safety of his office and feel like all I’m doing is waiting. It really hurts. I hope I get to see him next year. The thing that also gets to me is that a few months ago he would repeatedly say “maybe I’ll start seeing people face to face in three weeks”. But it never happened and then a second lockdown came. I feel like he got my hopes up and now it’s even harder. And sometimes the internet is bad on his side and the video doesn’t work so we have to switch to phone. It’s disruptive and painful and I hate it.

Right - I forgot that part - when technology fails. Totally nerve-wracking.

[nottrustin]

One of my other issues is that we can only see each other's face and at times if the monitor gets moved a bit not even that.

This week we were in a pretty deep conversation and I somehow moved my screen. Shr stopped and asked of I could adjust my screen so she could see my face. She could only see my forehead and replies heavily on facial expressions to know if I am starting to dissociate. At one point she needed to ground me and bring me back to the presant. I could heat her and shake my head but not talk. She kept asking me to do grounding techniques which required me to talk. So I kept shaking my head no. What she couldn't see was that I was fidgeting with my teabag string and and coffee mug. Had we been in person she would have been able to tell that while I was somewhat frozen to a degree, I was not present enough to at least fidget. It would have likely prevented the frustration of her trying to ask me a lot of grounding questions that I could verbally answer.

[BarefootBeach]

Originally Posted by Tangerine87

I really hate Tele therapy. I miss seeing my therapist in person and lately It’s been difficult. She says that she thinks I feel safer virtually because I don’t dissociate as much as I did when we were in person... I don’t know if this makes sense but she feels less real virtually. It’s like I know she’s real but my mind doesn’t see it. Anyone feel like this?

I felt the exact way. The emotional connection was weak and weakening. Long story short, I ended it for various reasons, but the virtual aspect nudged me in the right direction. Sorry you're going through this.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Right - I forgot that part - when technology fails. Totally nerve-wracking.

So far we have had very few issues with technology. This week though, I notice my battery would die at any moment. We only had about 5 minutes left and she said it would be okay if we said good bye in case it shut off. I told her I would at least call her as it would be difficult to end it that way since we were still grounding. I got it plugged in before I lot power, though

[*Beth*]

I was angry yesterday because for the 2nd time within a month the clinics IT department forgot to send the link for me to hook up with my therapist. I had scheduled my whole day around the appointment and, of course, wanted to keep it. Fortunately the receptionist bawled out the IT person and I got the link with 5 minutes to spare. Very frustrating, though. Sure don't need the anxiety.

Anyway, my T told me that the clinic is seriously considering opening up f2f in January! I was expecting at least September of 2021. I suspect that they're losing funds by doing only teletherapy/telehealth.