[Mountaindewed]

My therapist is very supportive, and is always agreeing with me and validating my feelings. But she never seems to push me outside my comfort zone to do things I’m uncomfortable with. It’s always what I’m comfortable doing. And what I want to do. I feel like I’ve regressed a ton socially since the pandemic and I’ve become a lot more dependent on family members to help me get through anxiety provoking situations like doctors visits and other things. Maybe she thinks I need assistance in these areas and am just not capable of handling them myself? I just find it odd that she never try’s to push me to do things myself and go outside my comfort level. Is anyone’s therapist like this? Does anyone have any suggestions?

[*Beth*]

One of the first things my therapist told me when we met was that she doesn't believe in pushing clients. She believes in allowing clients to take the lead.

As time has passed, she's become a bit more assertive, but she's definitely not a "pusher."

Years ago I saw a therapist for 6 years; he was almost aggressive in his approach. He was a wonderful therapist, with his own style.
So the two couldn't be more opposite.


But if I'm asked which style I prefer...I think I lean a bit toward the softer approach. That way I can bring up whatever I want to. The softer approach is more challenging for me. It doesn't allow me to be lazy.

[Salmon77]

My T doesn't really push me to do anything. If I tell him I'm lacking motivation we talk about whatever it is I'm not doing, why do I want to do X, how do I feel about it, what is getting in the way, etc. etc. Sort of like motivational interviewing but not pushy or anything. It's up to me to push myself.

You could probably talk to your T and ask her if she could help you with goal setting and accountability and stuff like that.

Can you talk to her or even read this post to her?
My therapist is very, very good at pushing me hard. I like it because it helps me make more progress.

[zoiecat]

I agree with Starry. I have DID too and I have so much work to do. If my T did not push me I would never get better. My T does not put up with listening to me ramble on about the problem of the day unless I express it using my feeling words and am willing to work on a solution to fix or tolerate it better.
We mainly work on EMDR to whittle away at all of my trauma but we do take a break every few sessions (we meet twice a week) and that is always focused on more improvements and goals.

That being said I have made tremendous progress with this T despite me disliking him quite often. He is the first T that was able to diagnose my DID.

I had another T that I saw for quite awhile years ago and she didn't push ne at all or set any type of goals. I just went in and we talked about whatever I felt like at the time. I didn't make any progress with her.

It us not easy nut I do prefer to be pushed because I want to get better and feel like a normal human as quickly as possible.

The decision is actually up to you. If your T lets you take the lead tell them you would like to be challenged more. IMO I think a lot of T don't push clients because it us easier on them to just let the client take the lead and the slower the progress the more stable the income. This is just my opinion I am not trying to start a debate.

[InnerPeace111]

My T does not push me to do anything. I push myself to set new goals and achieve them. It’s hard work to break out of my comfort zone and take risks but so very worth it in the end. If my T were to push me, I’d probably feel like she was in my way and I don’t think that would feel very good to me. I want to be the one to own my decisions and my goals and I feel like my T supports me by staying on the sidelines. I have a feeling that my T is rooting for me every step of the way and that feels good to me. It feels right to me.

[Elio]

My T does not push at all and I am grateful for it. In fact she reminds me repeatedly that I am doing the best I can and that she can see how hard I am working ... so on. Without going into too much... this is the appropriate style with me. We have talked about how different people need different things and that some may need to be pushed a bit to do their best. I am not one of those people.

[Bill3]

My t never pushed.

I don't think it is easy to say which is a better approach. That will depend on the client. Thus, I agree that talking it over with t is a good idea.

Something to consider, though, is whether t pushing will interfere with the enhancement of self-motivation and self-efficacy.

When therapy is finished the t will not be around to push.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I also prefer a therapist that will push me. I went into therapy to walk through whatever fire I needed to in order to get to the other side, so I chose therapists who would be straight with me and challenge me. They knew when I was not in a place for that, but I'd say 85% of the time, pushing was just fine with me. Mind you, it wasn't about telling me what to do or me needing him to tell me what to do - that probably isn't helpful for building autonomy. It was more about challenging me to have agency in my own life, etc.

Talk to your therapist. I can't remember how long you've been seeing this particular one. If it hasn't been that long, she may still be feeling you out to see what your therapy style is - I think clients have styles just like therapists and it can take some time to find the right mode of interaction. It might have something to do with it being teletherapy and the awkwardness of that. Let her know what you need.

[susannahsays]

The one I see only gets pushy when my functioning is in the dumpster and I'm barely taking care of myself or my living space.

Last session she was very bossy indeed and it was stressful.

Otherwise, I wouldn't call her pushy, although I do know what she thinks I should do about various things. Mostly, she just nags.

[SlumberKitty]

My T is not pushy at all. She will encourage me to do things like get exercise, paint, journal, etc. But she doesn't push me. If I choose not to do those things she doesn't push me or punish me she will just keep on encouraging me.


Pastor T was very pushy. It didn't work for me. Pretty much the main reason I ended therapy with him.


Former T was not pushy at all. She said I was doing the best I could at any given time. Sometimes I wished she would have pushed me a little but overall we did good work.

[Mountaindewed]

I swear she is on this site. I am not joking. Now she is pushing me a lot and she won’t say why. It happened all of a sudden a couple weeks ago. Maybe her attitude has changed towards me because she sees and reads what I write on here.

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I swear she is on this site. I am not joking. Now she is pushing me a lot and she won’t say why. It happened all of a sudden a couple weeks ago. Maybe her attitude has changed towards me because she sees and reads what I write on here.

This would be a great opportunity to examine how you respond to "pushing". You wanted her to push you: when she pushes, you think she is evil and a psychopath. It seems like you have some strong and conflicted feelings about being pushed.

[Marie123]

A therapist's job is not to push you....it is to help you gain insight into your behavior and allow YOU to make whatever changes are necessary.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Replace "push" with "challenge" maybe? The word "push" connotes bullying a bit, but a therapist often will "challenge" a client's thinking, internal beliefs, unhealthy habits, etc. Some clients would be quite comfortable to stay in their status quo if the therapist let them. I, personally, had three very direct, straight-forward therapists who knew when to challenge and when not to. I never found it particularly "pushy," just honest and direct.

If you have been engaging in any habits/ideas, etc. and seem to be a bit stuck, sometimes it takes being challenged a bit to move from that place of stasis.

[nottrustin]

Depends on ones definition of push. She often pushed me just beyond my comfort zone. She seems to have figured out how much she can normally push. However the topics we discuss are always up to me. On occasion she might being up a topic but she aleays asks if I want to discuss it. aid I say no, them it is no. If she is pushing me yoomuch she wants me to tell her because she knows that some days I can handle more than others. Ultimately, she always respected what I want or need in my appointment.