[nottrustin]

One of the things I don't know if I will ever understand about therapy is how I am suppose to feel things but yet when I start to get overwhelmed by situations I am told to distract and avoid the situation. How does one ever learn to cope and feel if they are constantly told to avoid it rather than talk through it and start to feel. I am great at distracting and avoiding stressful situations and emotions. I have done that most of my life. So why do the say to avoid it all on order to function and not become depressed or down. It seems to me it means to only feel and and deal with things one hour a week. Then I am supposed to take these difficult topics and not deal with them the rest of the time. Seems so counter productive.

Also sometimes telling me I should let somebody else deal with the situation, is like telling a person during an anxiety attack to not stress.

UGH!

[Lemoncake]

One of my favourite quotes from Fraiser is the following:

"Bulldog: Make it stop.

Niles: The first step to healing is not to bury the pain, but to feel it in it's fullest depths."

I've always been a huge distractor too and have watched lots of mindless documentaries today if I'm being honest. I think you learn to cope in baby steps.

Journaling in the moment helps a lot, but I watched this talk by Thich Nhat Hanh- it might not be for everyone, but he suggests taking time out sitting and observing your own breathing and body to slow everything down. If you can understand your pain you can learn to have compassion for yourself.

[ElectricManatee]

In DBT land, distraction has specific uses. It's just one tool out of many, though, so you'll need others alongside it to help you heal.

[nottrustin]

Thank you Manatee. I am so used distracting because this how I naturally survived for many years as well as shutting down emotionally. Both are my natural default. So what I struggle with is the idea that I am not supposed to do these things that have worked for so many years. In order for me to heal from trauma I need to learn emotional regulation....BUT as soon as I start feeling emotions and unable to handle it, I am told to distract. UGH..

[nottrustin]

This has been a struggle for me tmfor thr last few years. Perhaps it is not something I am need to understand. Perhaps I am supposed to accept that I trust my Ts and know they really do have my best interest and growth in mind when they try to help me. Maybe I just need to accept the confusion because it is the way things are supposed to be.

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Thank you Manatee. I am so used distracting because this how I naturally survived for many years as well as shutting down emotionally. Both are my natural default. So what I struggle with is the idea that I am not supposed to do these things that have worked for so many years. In order for me to heal from trauma I need to learn emotional regulation....BUT as soon as I start feeling emotions and unable to handle it, I am told to distract. UGH..

I think it's just a really, really slow process. You start to feel your emotions just a little bit, you figure out how to manage them, feel them, let them rise and then fall again. Then the next time you can handle those emotions just a little bit more. Feel the distress, tolerate it, build confidence that you can handle it, come back down from the bad feelings. It's slooow. Probably years for a lot of people.

And in between these sessions of facing the pain and distress, you need to do something to keep yourself from diving into too much too soon and getting overwhelmed, so distraction is a great option (probably better than, say, drinking too much or other less healthy options). You have to be able to also live your life while you undergo this long, slow, painful process, so some amount of distraction can be useful to help you do that. It's a both/and thing.

[nottrustin]

When I had my appointment this weeks she quickly noticed I was shut down after I blurted out out all the stressers going in my life. She asked if that was why I was shut down. I told her yes. After discussing the stressers, both the new ones and the ones I had been dealing with before this past week, she actually agreed that while eventually we will get to thr point where I will not need to shut down , she tmunderstands why it is beneficial right now. She agreed that considering everything going on why I am so overwhelmed and sees the benefits of me doing so at this time. She knows that that ability has always kept me safe and functioning in the worst of times so if it is what I need to do right now she agreed this is one of the times it is okay and not a bad idea.