Couch 225: 2+2=5, Sheeple!

It's totally understandable that you're annoyed, even if she is a grieving widow. If she can't handle her end of things right now, she probably should have taken a little more time off.

I literally just missed getting a vaccine appointment for my mother at Rite Aid. Not once but twice. First time the calendar slot filled just as I hit submit. Second time I’d filled out all the info like ethnicity and health, hit submit, boom, it was gone to somebody else. I feel like I failed somehow.

I do think LT’s tip about Rite Aid releasing appointments at midnight is correct, though. It was exactly midnight when the slots became available.

I was wondering why my usual, extensively practiced grounding skills weren't working. Until I read that alters can send flashbacks... 4th was asking for help by non stop flashbacks.

Source:
4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks — Beauty After Bruises

I'm so exhausted.

Firstly you are allowed to feel whatever you feel.

BUT she has a responsibility to ensure she is fit for work.If she can not meet that standard now she should not be seeing clients so soon. That's on her.

I agree with all of this. I'd be concerned about her losing her appointment book as well, if it could be someplace other than her house or office--presumably she just uses, say, first names and initials (in terms of confidentiality). And it would make me concerned about whether she'd be able to handle conducting therapy right now.

I'm also bad at misplacing things like checks, bills, etc. (online billing has helped so much). My classic thing would be to put something "in a special place," then...forgetting where that place was.

And I just pay Dr. T with a credit card--it's one where I get points for purchases, so figure I'm getting a little back (though I do feel guilty that he has to pay a small fee for it, but it's gone down since he started using Ivy Pay). I understand why you would want to have the act of writing the check to pay her--it's the opposite of the reason why I don't like using a check/cash and preferred doing the credit card part at the beginning when i was seeing Dr. T in person. You presumably want to reminder that you're paying for her services, that it's a business transaction of sorts. I sort of want to forget that (much easier to do now that it's virtual and payments are electronic).

This happened to me a couple times (though I think with Giant and Safeway, grocery store pharmacies), and it was SO frustrating. Like I got to the end, filled out all the info, and it was like, "Nope, sorry!" Someone in a Vaccine Hunters group I was in said the one site was like a video game, where you just had to keep mashing buttons (clicking on dates again and again) in the hopes of getting through. And that seemed accurate. Registering to get a vaccine shouldn't be like that...

Hope you can find her one soon. You've likely already thought of this, but if it's a form you have to fill out with name, address, etc., it can help to have all the info in a Word doc that you can just copy/paste. But I know some of it is checking boxes, too.

If she has CVS near her, try there, too. I know in my state, they just increased the number of CVS locations that distribute the vaccine--not sure if that's a national thing or not. I've read conflicting things about when they release appointments though.

My parents and in-laws have now all managed to either get their first shot or have it scheduled (MIL tomorrow). Though they mostly did it themselves (I got my MIL one, but she'd gotten one at exactly the same moment, so had to cancel it).

H got his appointment at Safeway's pharmacy. He's going in about 2 hours. I still don't have a clue when I'll be able to get mine, but am I glad he's able to get his!

Diabetic cat is struggling with walking this morning, but he's outside right now laying in the sun. Hoping the heat will help his legs feel better. I'm so torn on what to do... start talking with vet again about or just keep him as comfortable as possible and wait a little longer. He struggles, but he's not howling or hiding in the closet or anything. Poor guy. He's 14 now.

@@ I pay with cash. I'm pretty sure my T loses half of it because she seems to "stash" it all over her office. I'm sure her record keeping is a mess but she does take meticulous notes in session. I don't throw it but I usually have to sort of thrust it at her and say "here." Otherwise she won't reach for it even though I have it in my hand from when I enter her office.

Artie, HUGS for your diabetic cat. Poor Esther is diabetic too. We've had to make certain changes like putting a stool on the bench where she gets up to get to her food (on the counter). But mostly she does pretty well. Sometimes her legs seem to just fall out from under her. Then I pick her up. I can't stand that.

I think too often pets are kept alive past the humane time. I feel that way about people too. I am a huge believer in quality over quantity. We have a mobile vet who comes to the house which is a lot less stressful for the pet. It is never fun, but pets, particularly cats, can mask pain and discomfort well. I know I have waited too long. I have never said I made the decision too soon. I try to keep that in mind now and act more quickly.

Toss the money on a table. I was not suggesting throwing a wad in their laps. First - I wanted the woman to have work for it in at least picking it up -she didn't do any other work during the 50 min

My psychiatrist got involved in the mess between my T and me. He told her his side and then I told her mine. I was shocked that she would say this bc propriety and professionalism and all that, but she actually agreed with me that he’s overstepping here. She says that people should be allowed to bring into therapy what they want to bring. And all his nonsense about it being unethical to avoid this topic bc I had SI after breaking up with a BF in the past is just that: nonsense. She thinks he’s afraid. She’s going to talk to him about it. And he really trusts and respects her (she is very experienced and has a very prestigious position in a very big and prestigious hospital system) so maybe he’ll listen.

In the meantime, T has left me several voicemails. None of them say anything especially new or different.

(For thise who missed the beginning of the saga, my T had been insisting that I talk to him about my sexual and intimate life with my BF; when I refused to say more than I was comfortable with, he said he wouldn’t treat me anymore unless I started talking about it.)

I know y’all think I should kick him to the curb. The problem is that I feel attached to him. And he knows me and my nonsense backwards and forwards. Also, frankly, I’m moving across the country in four months and it’d be a pain in the butt to find a therapist for four months until I move and can find someone else there.

I would be pissed if a therapist kept calling and leaving me voicemails.

I pay with my HSA card. I sorta threw it at her one time, I don't remember why I did it, but I do remember zinging it at her like a frisbee that particular day.

thanks Kit. And hugs back for you and Esther. We bought that ramp awhile back so he can still get up on our bed at night, and now a couple weeks ago we bought him a raised-up food dish so he can eat more easily (he was having trouble eating from a normal dish his head would bob up and down after each bite so he could swallow, it looked so uncomfortable for him) and that has helped. Part of me wants to do everything possible including all the expensive tests, etc. but part of me says if he were a kitten that would be one thing, but he's 14. He's not falling down when he walks, but we can tell his legs are weak or hurting him when he walks he stops and sits every few steps. I wish there was a magic sign to tell me what to do.

I have waited too long in the past also, and told myself I'd never do that again. But here I am, possibly doing it again. I think I'll keep watching him close the rest of today and talk with h about it this evening. Not sure what he is thinking about it all. He's out getting his vaccine right now. Surprised he's not back home yet, maybe he went to pick up lunch or something after.

This email to Info isn’t buttery-*****y, is it?

“I’m happy to pay again, but may I ask if there’s a special reason to cancel this check when we didn’t the last lost check, which you did find eventually? Do you think you lost it outside of home or office?

I also wonder if there is a more secure way for me to pay you for the time being to avoid checks getting lost? Do you have Venmo, for instance? (I would rather not use a credit card.)”

Buttery-*****y is someone who is being a *****, but very sweetly.

And now I am one of those people who ask other people if they have Venmo.

Chihiro—attachment is not a good reason to stay in *any* bad relationship. “I just need to see him for four more months and then that is it” is better.


Actually I feel like writing a check is more personal. Like it reminds me I am choosing to be in therapy. Credit card payment makes me feel therapy is the same as a trip to the grocery store and even I know that it’s not.

@@ I think your email is fine.

I read somewhere that Venmo isn't HIPAA compliant.

Ah, here's where I saw that.

PayPal and Venmo are not HIPAA compliant : psychotherapy

Maybe, I dunno. I actually only just got Venmo to pay the woman who bought the subscription to the file sharing site my writers’ group uses.

It does have this default (it can be changed) of publicizing all transactions which would definitely not be HIPAA compliant. On the other hand neither is losing checks.

Yeah, I just wanted you to be aware the transaction might not be fully private.

So, Dr. T made a really good point today in talking about therapy, transference, etc. That in the therapeutic relationship, he really just has to do one thing well for a certain period of time. In terms of listening, being empathetic for time of each session. We were talking in particular about the relationship of a spouse/partner. Where there are many more things that need to be done well there, including things like keeping the living space clean, dealing with finances, intimate relations, possibly parenting, etc. (longer list than that). That most likely, a partner would fall short in some of those areas. And I imagine the same could be said for parents, other relatives, friends, etc. It made me think...

So, I'm filling in my own word for the *****, but am wondering if it's the correct one? Does it start with a "B"?

And that makes sense about writing a check being more personal--I hadn't considered that aspect. We just really don't use checks for anything anymore (all electronic), so if I were to use them for therapy, we'd have to pay for them just for that. And not sure how I'd handle them being virtual--I guess mailing them?

Maybe part of my issue with Dr. T charging my credit card at the end of session, right before I left, was tied into it feeling like the grocery store. When he started doing that at the beginning, it was easier for me. Because it wasn't tied into the parting words. Like "Let me pay you for this service now." Especially if it was a session that left me really upset. Paying at the beginning, that part was done with, then we'd proceed with the session. Now it's all detached from it, and sometimes he doesn't do the billing for a week or so.

There are alternatives:

How to pay for therapy with HIPAA Compliant apps