Couch 226--CCXXVI Couch

I have done that with baklava.

I go to a chiro/acupuncturist for my old age woes. I tried to go to pt once, but they require an md and the over reach of the mds pissed me off

Anyone want to guess what my H is up to? No, not hospital visits... No, he didn't quit his job... Yep, he wants to buy another car. *sigh*

Eta: He's trying to convince us that in order to get promoted, he needs a better image and needs to buy a higher end car.

I'm binging Steve Perry videos this evening







(well, this one's Journey)

I still don’t really recommend Season 3 of the Sinner (though I do the first two), but the last episode was wonderfully cathartic, when the criminal who reminded me of 2ex (right down to the way he claimed he was an ubermensch type but somehow he had no agency in his own life and was responsible for nothing) met reality and some rough justice.

I just finished my day 2 poem (for national poetry month). after my session today, of course it's to L. navajo rabbit. involving stuff I should have said today and didn't because we ran out of time. i swear to goodness that hour feels like about 10 minutes. I'm convinced her clock is rigged. i already emailed her once after I got home today, with some stuff i'd meant to bring with me to share but forgot. So i'm not going to email her again to send the poem.

i'm so damn addicted to therapy i'm never going to get out, am i?! sigh.

Just rushed outside because the little kids next door were screaming. They were pressed against the fence watching my dog 'kill' the plastic ball they threw over the fence. Its 7 foot fence so i doubt the kids threw it over.

i'm gonna try to go to sleep without taking any melatonin tonight. we'll see how it goes. i think i'm pretty much over the bad anxiety i was having, at least it feels that way during the day.

The last car was pretty pricey from what I remember. What happens if he buys the car and there's still no promotion? ..

Personally I believe if you feel like it helps, then you don't have to stop. Also don't compare yourself to others. If you were learning music by the Suzuki method you'd have started when you were around three, by the age of 11 you'd have spent eight years learning music, and there would still so much further to go.

Where do you think this pressure to stop comes from?

That's what we're trying to convince him of. That and we really can't afford a down-payment.

Your H is using a ridiculous, bs, excuse.

Ack, opinions pls?

My BF, who grew up in the Middle East and whom I’ve been dating for four months, asked me what I thought about getting promise rings. And I said I hadn’t heard that term in about a decade; I associate it with teenagers who are in love but too young to get properly married... but because it’s teenagers, things never really work out. He said that some of his American friends in their 20s - 30s had done the promise ring thing and that it was sweet. I also think it’s sweet but am just not really sure what it means or whether it feels too silly.

What do y’all know about promise rings?

I googled out of curiosity, having also not heard that term in a while. It seems like it can mean a variety of things, from that you're exclusive (aka will remain faithful to each other) to it being a promise of an eventual engagement ring. Or possibly other things. So I would ask him what meaning it would have to him and see if it's something you'd feel comfortable with at this point. And, say, would he want you to wear them on your left ring fingers or elsewhere?

Also, this suggests he definitely wasn't too freaked out by what you shared with him recently.

I think promise rings are sweet. To me, it just means you are committed to eachother. Maybe you two can pick one out together?

Honestly it brings to mind the documentaries I've watched about purity and girls promising not to have sex with anyone other then their husbands, but that might just be me.

As always I'd say talk about it with him. What does more commitment in a relationship mean for you? Do you need a ring to say that? Would it just be a ring or symbolize something more to you?

What's your concern about promise rings, chihiro? They seem childish? You're moving soon? Commitment? Too little commitment compared to an engagement ring?

ETA: my story's now officially published online (print edition comes later). Now I feel like I can move on to the next story.

I'm usually one to say you can spend your money however you want to, but only when you can actually afford to do so. It would be better if you could built up an emergency fund as a buffer first before buying another expensive car. Making him see that would be another issue I know, but you do have a say in this matter too. How much would you lose by selling the other car to buy this one?

Yay congrats !

I'm super proud of my @@!

Champagne!

I think right now.... it's because I no longer wish to pay $400 a month for what is again starting to feel like a "paid friendship" kind of thing and because it's so open-ended, I feel like I'm stuck forever. You know, maybe that's all there is to it. If we would actually sit down and make a freaking plan and put an end date on it - or even a "let's re-assess on such-and-such date" I would likely not feel this way on a regular basis. Guess I oughta tell her that huh.

eta: also, it seems to be that the longer I stay and the deeper we go, the more I see just how f'd up I am and if that's the case then what is the frickin' point?

We will owe money if we sell the current car

I think the plan to re-assess at certain intervals is a good one. I'm not sure what would feel best for you, but maybe you could do quarterly or every 2 months, something like that? I agree that you should tell her--including your fear that it's a paid friendship. Also maybe if you set certain goals to work toward, if you haven't already, that could help, too?

Art--I've been watching you struggle with this therapeutic relationship for years now and just some random thoughts, which you may or may not feel useful and ignore, as you will, no expectations or judgment.

1. I don't think it's therapy you're "addicted" to (scare quotes because I don't think that's the right word, the overtones are too negative and then it just becomes something to beat yourself up about). I think it's this therapist.
2. I think you seemed healthiest and happiest in your relationships (therapist, husband) when you were going to that codependency program. I bet the codependent tendencies play a role in the feelings you have about therapy.
3. It isn't up to her to set deadlines and goals. In fact it isn't even in her interests to do so or to take the initiative in doing so. It's up to you. But I'd start with the goals before the deadlines, because otherwise it's only about ending, and not checking you've accomplished whatever it is you want from therapy. Maybe the reason you keep ending and then returning is that you haven't identified and accomplished what you want from therapy.
4. Trying a new therapist, even if only temporarily, could provide a different and fresh perspective.

You've basically lost money with each new car he's bought, right? I think you just need to say to him that he can't buy a car right now. If he gets the promotion and, say, keeps that job title for x number of months, then maybe?