Couch 226--CCXXVI Couch

Thanks LT. I am going to talk to her about the paid friendship feeling/fear when I'm there again in 2 weeks. We have set goals or well I have, from time to time but not often, but they've always been goals for me outside of therapy, not really quote therapeutic goals whatever those would look like.

I really like the idea of periodically and with purpose re-assessing where we're at. Y'know that's probably one of the drawbacks with being self-pay; there's no insurance company telling us we HAVE to do that, so we don't.

Also, I agree with ATAT's suggestion to try consulting with another T. Not to necessarily switch to that T permanently, but to get a different perspective, both on your therapy in general and your T in particular. It's helped me a couple times to do that with Dr. T (and of course, I ended up with Dr. T as a result of opting to get consultation regarding ex-T and ex-MC).

Thanks @@. Honestly, I don't think I have ever considered the idea that the codependency thing could apply to my relationship with L. (I don't recall if you or anyone else suggested it in the past, because if anyone did years ago, I would not yet have been able to accept such an idea and would have discarded it immediately. I'm glad you pointed it out today, for two reasons. 1. because it feels like something I really need to think about and 2. the fact that I am able to even consider it as a possibility now means I have made progress despite feeling the way I do).

I had looked through some t profiles awhile back through my insurance and actually contacted one but he never got back to me, so I just dropped it. Maybe I will try again, certainly can't hurt, and might just be a good thing.

I'll give the CoDA thing some thought. I know they had some online meetings back when I was going, and now during COVID I'm sure there are lots more and probably even some Zoom ones now. I did find those meetings helpful. As I recall I stopped going because my team at work started that godawful long stretch of overtime and my OT day interfered with the meeting time. I sorta just never went back after the OT ended.

Thank you again.

Thanks for that. It's a good idea. Ha, if t's can get supervision about their work with a client, then certainly clients can seek a consultation about their work with a t.

Goal: consult with another t about my therapy relationship with L.

It feels good to write that down.

I have a giggle to share. H and I went to costco earlier cuz we're almost out of cat food; he has sirius radio in his car so anyway the next song comes on, and the screen displays this (yes, h needs to clean his car) oh and the song is of course Dog & Butterfly:

OK, that's pretty funny! Perhaps a Weird Al version?

That seems like a good goal to set. I hope you can find someone with availability. For me, sometimes it just helped to have an appointment with someone else when I was having doubts.

L's and my anniversary session went wonderfully. We mostly reflected on the past two years: what I've worked on and what memories we have. The memories were hard for me to recall, but with L's help, I was able to add many to the pile. I love L so much!

I am so burned out from the semester that doing my taxes today felt pleasant.

ETA: but now I’m thinking how Info would have had to do taxes for her dead husband, too. Sad.

I am thinking it may be easier to let my daughters friend spread the word about my daughters party and let her get back to me with the numbers. It is nearly a week after i asked for the names of my daughtrrs other friends and no one has got back to me yet. Should i remind them? Is that being pushy? The party is on the 30 th.

I hated doing taxes, my ex made me do our taxes for ages because once we paid a tax agent we didnt much of a refund back, my only problem was i didnt understand what i was doing and even with help of the tax departments software i still didnt understand, plus i was scared of being audited so i under claimed. It stressed me out so much.

In the States, we used to be able to claim the expense of a tax preparer on our taxes as a deduction. But the Drumpf tax cut did away with that. A lot more people are doing it themselves now.

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Thanks, all.

Re: promise rings, I like the idea that he wants us to make a commitment to each other, but I’m bothered by the religious and cultural baggage that promise rings carry. (I think the BF isn’t aware of said baggage, not having grown up in the US.) So I think it’s sweet that he’s interested in doing this, but I don’t think I’m down.

I tried to explain the religious connotations and he was like, “no, one of my atheist friends did this with his girlfriend,” but I still feel like that’s a weird thing to do!

I’m really glad he asked me before just, like, presenting me with one... because I would have felt pressured to accept it (to avoid hurting his feelings) but also would have been disinclined to accept it bc of the aforementioned baggage issues.

I'm lucky in that my mom used to work as a bookkeeper preparing people's taxes for a living (not CPA), so she does ours. Of course, the negative is that she has all the details of our finances...

I'm glad it went so well!

I admit that my first thought was of their use was for teens to buy one for themselves to promise to not have sex until marriage. Which I think is the religious connotation you're talking about. But then reading about them, sounded more common with couples now.

I also think it's really good that he asked you first instead of just presenting it to you. It shows he's really respecting your feelings. Did he seem OK with your saying no?

I wonder if in part, he wants to buy you something that you can wear and think of him and vice versa. But a promise ring has a certain weight/meaning to it. I don't know if you wear jewelry, but a necklace or a bracelet could be a possibility? Like something subtle. For a necklace that could even just go inside your shirt. (With my college boyfriend, I did that for a while.)

I was thinking the same thing, LT.

Maybe some other piece of jewelry that you can make your own meaning for. Something that you and society won't label as a religious statement. It could be anything from necklace to earrings to a bracelet or anklet.

My "promise ring" was my engagement ring. We got engaged 3 months in, but we didn't get married until 12 years in. I liked it because it showed I was taken.

When I first started going to college, I was getting "hit on" by other guys all the time. My dad actually bought me a fake engagement ring to wear...lol. It worked!

heehee yes!! I love wierd al's parodies.

Does anyone remember my Weird Al phase where i post a 4 hr video of Als Polkas?honestly you cant have too Weird Al i have s tack of his cds in my car.. i must bring them inas i dont drive as much as i used to.

This morning i woke up and thought stuff what people think i need to get this party organised so i sent her a message. I really do think people will think badly of me when in reality they probably dont think about me much at all.

Some of my friends have been posting tons of pics on facebook of their big family gatherings for Easter. It makes me feel sad. I'm doing the poem a day challenge for national poetry month so I just poemed about it and made myself start bawling. Yeesh.

I think this is exactly right. Most of us loom nowhere near as large in other people's lives as we think we do.

I only fully realised last night that my mother used to say everyone will say xyz just to shme into doing something and a few mean kids who used to yell at me to wlk like a human being.

Hugs, Artie...Were you able to see your son?

Thanks LT. I did get to see him on Zoom, so I'm thankful for that!

H and I went and drove through our local National Park... my happy place... and I took a bunch of pics which I shall share as soon as I pull them off my camera. My mood is much improved now! I tell ya getting out in the desert is the best medicine for my soul - even when we pretty much stay in the car.