[krazibean]

If you could say anything to your T in an email KNOWING they ARE going to respond what would you say? what concerns/issues/feelings would you bring up? Mostly about how you feel about them. My T said she is catching up on email tonight and we ended session with an issue that was too upseting to bring up (the fact that i love her and i want her to be my friend/family) and she said ok well if you want you can email me whatever it is and ill answer it tonight. and i said ok as long as we talk about it too. SO if you could ask or say anything not face to face what would you say? Answer quick because i need to send it before tonight!!! thanks guys

[Perna]

I would ask for suggestions on how to work with my strong feelings for my T so they could be helpful to me in the therapy situation.

[jacq10]

I would tell her how much of an impact she's had on my life... that part of me loves her so much, and that I miss her more than words could ever express. That I wish I could see her, and have her hold me so tight... because I haven't been able to be comforted in a long long time.

[RACEKA]

Sorry, this is not going to help your situation. I just wanted to post that whatever I share with my T I do it face to face. I have called him a few times in a crisis. I try not to do that, because I need to be able to go during the week without contact with him.

I am trying to learn to feel my feelings and be able to share them with someone. I put up so many defenses, that I am trying to take them down. It's like an onion. I'm peeling a layer at a time. Slowly I have opened up to him. I want to eventually be able to tell him face to face anything I want to talk about. I journal what I want to talk about and I go over it during the week how I want to say it. It might take me a few weeks or longer to tell him, but eventually I've been able to do it.

If you read the post on attachment, I finally told him last week how attached I am to him. I've been wanting to tell him how I feel about that for a long time. I feel such a relief that I did and he knows how I feel. There's so much more in me that has to come out and eventually it will. I'm learning how to have a healthy relationship.

Sorry again I went off of your subject, but I force myself to talk face to face.

[MissCharlotte]

I would say:

"Why is it okay for therapists to hurt people?"

Why do the rules change?

Why does it hurt so much? (I already asked this in person and he said he didn't know.)

I would ask..... after 23 years of therapy... and many T's..

why it is... that they can put a "spin" on something.. and "that" is not a lie?

I am very good after all these years at "catching" a therapist in an "untruth".... they don't miss much.. but they do.. because they are human...

I would also ask... most importantly... if all "mistakes" are forgiveable... even a "mistake" on the part of the T.. does the patient.. forgive... or.. quit.

[krazibean]

thank you all i actually just sent it and i used some of your ideas so thank you! I hope me asking this question brought up some things for all of you to maybe talk about in your next sessions...

[krazibean]

i just wrote a post and as soon as i hit submit T emailed me back so i deleted it. anyway, the email itself wasnt really comforting because she answerd me honestly. it was the "i am a therapist and you are a client and we are not friends because it is not ethical and i care about you but can't take you home with me" deal. nothing i haven't already heard, and nothing i wanted to hear again. sigh, but we are supposed to go more in depth about it next time i see her. i still love her more than anything though.

[Kiya]

you know, bean, i wonder if your t's scared of the attachment? not scared of you, but just scared in general. some t's really seem to give out that line a lot and yours lays it on particuarly thick. whereas i have had a t that flat out said to me how angry she was that my family would hurt me the way they did, and how she wished she could just take me home and be my mom because she's be a far better one. We both already know that can never happen in a million years, but it made me feel better about myself. that t had a great understanding of who she is and her boundaries - so that she could be open about that comment. Bean, i wonder if that might be a conversation for you - that you can see why she is so strick about repeating the boundary and maintaining an almost (from my own perspective) sterile environment. that way, you both might get your needs met around this issue and be able to move forward in therapy?
kiya

[sunrise]

krazibean, to me the point of your telling her that you would like her to be close to you like friends and family isn't because you don't understand that she can't. She's told you that before. You understand that you are the client and she is the T. I would feel very frustrated if I got back yet another retread/restatement of her obvious boundaries. It seems to me you need to discuss this need you have with her, for someone to be so close to you, etc. You don't need her to repeat obvious boundaries! This is an issue to explore, the hole you feel inside, the depth of emotion toward her, etc. It just seems to me that you understand very well her boundaries so her repeating them isn't what you need to discuss. I am puzzled she doesn't see this. Or could it be you don't understand that a T can't provide you with a friend/family relationship? (But I think you do!) Or maybe it's like Kiya suggested, that she is scared of her clients attaching to her. I hope when you see her in person, you can get to the heart of this issue and not just have to listen to her repeat her boundaries again.