The end, and I'm not dealing with it well.

So it finally happened. My counsellor of 13 months has ended sessions with immediate effect because she is seriously ill.

Like everyone, we think we have all the time in the world, but we never know what's round the corner. I thought she would always be there and suddenly she isn't. It's another loss in a long line of losses.

Logically, I know why the ethical boundaries are there, to protect both client and therapist. But emotionally, it sucks. You can't help who you like and who you care about. It's not easy to just switch off like she never existed. It might seem odd to people that I have been so badly affected by her news, but I am in bits, knowing I will probably never see or speak to her again.

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Hi @East17 - I am so sorry to hear you lost your therapist. That is hard when we talk so long to them and they know us well. It takes time to trust someone and open up.

This article and similar ones may be of interest Termination: 10 Tips When Ending Psychotherapy

Unlike losing a pet or family member, losing a therapist may present an immediate mental health crisis, depending on how much we depend on therapy. Have you considered if it is time to start applying for another therapist, since sometimes it can take a while to find one available and to get an appointment.

I am so, so sorry. how awful. 😢

Big hugs @East17 I'm so sorry to hear this. Please let yourself grieve. Also know that we are here for you too. Big hugs

East17, my heart goes out to you. What a terrible hardship, even more so with her being seriously ill. Please allow yourself to grieve...and in my experience, getting connected with another therapist would be wise.

How awful, for both of you. I’m so sorry.

I'm so sorry...I'd suggest finding another T to help you process this loss.

I am so sorry. I am sure it is very difficult rightnow. Was she able to give you referrals for another T?

I'm so sorry this is happening.

I'm truly sorry. While thankfully my T recovered, I had a horrible experience last year when she became seriously ill very suddenly and the outcome was uncertain. It was the worst time of my life and like you felt so emotionally alone. It's extra hard grieving for a therapist as you don't have access to their family/friends to share information and emotions, but by the same token the bond can be as strong as any of those. I'd add to the suggestion above that maybe consider processing this with another therapist, especially as it sounds like your therapist is sadly not planning to return to work It won't be the same but it would be some support right now. You're right, none of us know what is around the corner sadly, which can be extra devastating in therapy as the focus is often on dealing with other losses and the need for the therapist to be there. It's an awful reminder that even therapists can't promise they'll always be around, however well intentioned that promise is. I'm so sorry. This will get easier over time.

Thank you all so much for your replies. I knew that if anyone would understand, you all would here.

I've requested a closure phone call, which she has agreed to. Just ending things by text and not being given any alternative support is not a good way to end things, although I can understand why she did it that way, her world has been rocked and she's probably not thinking straight. I know how hard it's going to be for us both, but I'm really hoping it will help.

At least I had the courage to ask for a closure call this time around. My previous therapist also ended things abruptly by text and I didn't ask the question back then and was always left wondering. It's a horrible place to be in, a kind of limbo. You can't go back, but you don't feel able to move forward either.

I probably will begin to look for someone else, but the thought of having to start over again with someone new is terrifying. Keep having to retell your story over and over feels like one step forward and two steps back. I never seem to make it through to the end.

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I'm sorry things had to end so abruptly.

Sometimes when people leave a group business like that where clients are involved, part of their contractual agreement is that they cannot take clients with them or continue working with them in any way. We've run into that with group practices in the medical field.

I hope you will directly contact they agency and ask for referral to another therapist with them. It is probably contact and a request you will have to initiate.

I can tell you that I have had several therapists over the years, and it wasn't really like starting over from scratch. In fact, I am pretty certain I didn't necessarily go over the same things in the same amount of detail because I was in a slightly different place and time, and with a different therapist. In fact, there was something rather positive about getting fresh eyes on my issues and needs. I know that won't make what you are going through right now any easier, but perhaps it will help you be a bit less anxious about starting therapy with someone new when you are ready.

Be gentle with yourself and hopefully things will ease up a bit with time.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It must feel so painful. I can't imagine having to end like that, though I do imagine it a lot, if that makes sense.