Couch 227 - The Safe Couch

I sent my therapist a rather long email yesterday about some stuff he said last week that was bugging me and admitting some thoughts that make me feel ashamed. He hasn't responded in any way. We meet in 3 hours and I'm feeling really anxious about showing up. I'm worried that I said something really cringe-worthy. I wish he would just send something saying he read it or anything really.

I'm in a similar boat, NP. I didn't critique her, but sent a vulnerable, somewhat urgent email yesterday. Heard nothing since, and we have a session tomorrow morning, that I was hoping not to have to bring the current 'this' into.

Water is off in my apartment building. Hopefully it's only for one day.

Takes me back to the scrambled eggs of my college days (like in the dining hall).

Dr. T comment of the day: "If I had a vagina, I'd go."

Context: I have an overdue (due to COVID) annual gynecologist visit tomorrow. My D is having some GI symptoms today, which I know could be signs of COVID in kids. H is out with her now getting her checked out and tested--she's not acting like herself and rarely has this one particular symptom. So I was worried whether I should go, just in case I was possibly exposed, like if she and I were exposed at the same time eating outdoors at a restaurant with my parents Saturday. Or if it's a run-of-the-mill stomach bug, and I could theoretically end up getting sick at the doctor's office, though, like it's a doctor's office. So I asked Dr. T if it would be OK for me to still go to appointment.

My reaction to his comment was, "Well, that's something I never thought I'd hear you say." Dr. T: "See, I can still surprise you sometimes."

Must be a big boat cuz I'm in it too. I sent my t a long email this past Saturday morning with some vulnerable thoughts that feel more and more cringe-worthy as the days go by. She has not responded and I have to assume by this point that she won't since my next session is in 2 days. Honestly I don't understand why I can't think these kinds of thoughts DURING my session so I could just say them and get it over with instead of them coming after.


I hope both of your sessions go well.

Today my ex is coming for his surprise visit with our youngest daughter. My anxiety is really bad and i couldnt get into my gp for some valium and when my anxiety is really bad all i want to do is sleep so even though i woke up 2 hours ago i am getting really sleepy.

To all people struggling i hope things get better.

Maybe an Info fashion report will cheer everyone up.

Magenta v-neck top made of some stretchy stuff. Clashed with the orange hair and skin. Also I could swear either her boobs are smaller now or she’s not wearing a cleavage-promoting bra anymore.

Jewelry: gold locket and the same bracelet she wore last time, made out of pastel plastic squares. Also a Fitbit on a white band.

The pants...here I lose my words. Gray. The sides were velour and darker gray. The back and front were some kind of...ruched sateen? Or ruched fake sateen, if there is fake sateen.

Some kind of pastel sandal.

Plus the last 15 minutes the guys painting the exterior of her office building were making noise and talking right outside the outer door—we were in the office where someone could see in through the outside glass door. (They couldn’t today because plastic drop sheets were hanging over the windows and doors outside.)

Oh, well, she was useful. There’s been more of that lately. Either I’m getting soft or she’s getting better as a therapist.

I have changed the radio to a classical station and i am distracting myself with Star Trek Next Gen

Daffy I hope the visit goes quickly; I hope your anxiety eases.

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk

Turns out my ex doesnt have plan for this trip so i had to formulate a plan for him. I am beyond words.

Wont see my ex til tomorrow phew

I have a pre paid mobile phone which has unlimited calls included but just got an email saying my daughter has been making too many calls i didnt realise unlimited had a limit....

Also my ex forget to bring my ring up.

Sorry to hear that, BCM. Is there some way you can contact your phone company without having to call them? (I imagine that would be better for you, as I know it would for me.)

I had to reply to their email but they sent the link to the terms and conditions and the only thing i can think of is that they think its a business number as the unlimited calls are redtricted to personal numbers. I pointed out she had a long distance boyfriend. Just waiting for their reply.
I just thought it was weird to place limitations on unlimited calls.

Also i hardly use my phone surely my daughter can use my calls as well they are on the same account

I like the Info fashion reports. Makes me think about what I wear to therapy. I always wear the same dang thing - I call it my 'friday uniform' the same oversized blue t-shirt and black leggings or whatever they're called now. I think maybe tomorrow I'll change things up, I am inspired by this week's report of the magenta v-neck. Not that I own any. But, might have to run to wal-mart later today...

Does she ever wear the same thing twice? How big is her closet?

I like the Info Fashion reports too. I wish any of my T's wore something half as interesting as Info.


Dr. K was wearing a dress shirt, sort of dingy white or cream, no tie, and a tan jacket. I couldn't see the pants but I assume either jeans or a dress slack. We were on Doxy.me. He sort of blended in with his surroundings. I just thought it was funny that he looks NOTHING like his profile picture on Psychology Today. It must have been taken 20 years ago. I swear, you think you would want to update those things. I was not expecting an older, roundish, balding guy. He has a very soothing voice though. I could fall asleep listening to him talk. And he seems like the kind of person that doesn't get worked up over anything or perturbed about anything. Very little change in emotion over the whole appointment.

My sister is coming for a visit this weekend. I'm kind of nervous that she is going to tell us bad news. Last time she came (spring break) she told us her and her husband had separated. (Not that that is entirely bad news, I think her husband is a loser and have ever since I met the guy 20 something years ago when I was a kid.) I just worry about how she is going to be able to support herself and her five children. Also she works for a religious school. I'm concerned that she might lose her job if she gets divorced. I know that is silly. But they have some really stupid rules. For a while they weren't able to go to the movies but you could watch the movie at home when it came out on DVD or streaming. (Um....hello. What is the difference?) So I am worried for her job too. Not that I think she should have to stay in an unhappy marriage. I'm just WORRIED. I don't know how to best support her. I offered to Zelle her some money so she would have some gas money to come down here but she said she is okay.

I think that's why I like them so much too, because L only very rarely wears a color other than black. I do recall one particular Saturday session when she still did those that she wore jeans. But normally it's black pants and a black shirt/blouse.

I got to see my nieces last night! It was the youngest's first birthday. It was so precious and special. We bought her a Minnie Mouse ride-on airplane and she was so hypnotized by the lights on the propeller...lol. She was so happy. All the girls were happy. The only issue was H wanted to only stay a little bit and was complaining. I understand he was exhausted from work, but if he didn't have the stamina to deal with the 3 girls, he shouldn't have come. But I didn't let it ruin the night

I got off work early today, we're low on work again (this is our slow time of the year on my team). Our water heater sprung a leak at some point last night and there's a puddle of water in the garage so we have a guy coming Monday to fix or replace it. It's pretty old so I guess it was due. We have some other stuff to take care of this afternoon too so now we can get it done earlier rather than after work. And then I am going to try to relax. I've been so stressed out about life in general lately. Maybe I'll have a glass of wine or two later on. Ready to see t tomorrow.