trust issues

I know I should be in therapy but I am having difficulty trusting therapists again ever since I had a sexual relationship with an old therapist. People have told me that I should see a woman, but I just don't connect well with women.. its strange. I really wish I could trust again. Have any of you had this problem with therapists?

Hey. Yeah, I understand where you are coming from. I haven't had a sexual relationship with a therapist, but I have had sexual relationships with people who were in positions of authority (where their doing so was just as inappropriate as if it had been a therapist). I get on with guys better, too. I think that it is possible for you to work on this stuff productively with a male clinician. Most clinicians are trustworthy in that respect (though there are a few bad eggs, to be sure). With repect to trustworthyness... Only time will tell.

You could start out by asking 'do you think there are any circumstances under which it is appropriate for a clinician to have sexual relations with a client / someone who used to be a client?' Surveys on this have been done... The response was disconcerting... You want to find someone who responds with a univocal: 'No'. I'd screen initially by this strategy, and then, only time will tell. Trust takes time. There is no circumventing that.

PS... I think the majority of clinicians (when surveyed) said that it could be appropriate under some circumstances.

The circumstances under which it was okay varied considerably.

From the 'if we really love each other'
To the 'if we wait out the two years of non-contact'
To the 'if someone is having sex therapy'
To the 'it can be healing for some people'

The point here, however, is that due to your past issue with this you want someone who is UNIVOCAL (which is to say unwavering) on the inappropriateness of it.

Someone who is univocal about this is more likely to be able to teach you that it IS possible to have a good non-sexual relationship with a guy. And that not all guys think with their dicks. And that even when there is desire it doesn't have to be acted upon. And that... What happened was univocally harmful to you and inappropriate. Ideally... You want a sense of safety, and that will only come from someone who is safe.

wow thank you so much for posting that. and you are right only time will tell. I guess maybe this is (having a relationship with a therapist) more common than I thought... I thought I was the wierd one. But yeah thanks for posting that means a lot to me. Maybe I will try therapy again... I would type more but I gotta go to class now.

I would find a woman therapist and work on connecting with a woman therapist, i.e., why that is difficult for you. It doesn't sound like the sexual aspect would be germane were you to see a woman therapist so trust issues related to that aspect might be less.