[velcro003]

when you effed up an entire session, emailed incessantly that night to your T, and THEN text her today asking if she had a few minutes to talk. I never heard back, so I am spiraling even deeper about this. Now she needs time to figure out the best way to terminate me. I pushed way past her boundaries, but also am so full of hate about how i acted in session.

Is this a rupture? Is this what it is like, the constant anxiety about how much you are an eff up? Convinced your T hates you.

[Lostislost]

It's not your job to keep the boundaries in your relationship with T, it's their job to keep them. Which sounds like what she's doing by not getting back to you when you asked to talk after the emails. I don't believe she will terminate you for this, but if she does then it means she couldn't help you anymore and are better off without her.

But yes it sounds like it could be a rupture, if it is you can discuss and work through it with her when you get the chance. I still feel anxiety over a rupture with my T when boundaries got moved completely and suddenly, and that was years ago. Sometimes they are definitely acting on what's best for them, not their clients.

[Waterbear]

Originally Posted by Lostislost

Sometimes they are definitely acting on what's best for them, not their clients.

I agree with this, but sometimes in order to help clients they need to look after themselves first. Like they say in an aeroplane, adults don masks first, then you can help all of your children.

[Waterbear]

What do you do? You wait. And try to take care of yourself as best you can, until the next session when you talk about it, if possible. If she isn't open to talking about it then she isn't a good therapist in my opinion. Lostislost is right, it's not your job to keep the boundaries, it is hers, and I agree that is what it sounds like she is doing, though a simple email back to say that she can see you are hurting, and that she is there, but that this needs to be talked through in session wouldn't hurt, again, in my opinion!!!
Even a response like that is insanely difficult to bear, so I can't imagine what you are feeling with just silence really, but I have definitely felt all sorts of deep and dark and crazy feelings along this journey, so can relate a little maybe. Please keep safe. Wrap up in a big blanket. Sleep if possible. Eat a healthy meal or go out for a walk. They sound trite when you are in the depths of it all, I know, but maybe something will help. Honestly, waiting is the only thing we really can do!!

Learning to experience these feelings is part of my work, as unpleasant as I find them. I am learning that the desperation passes and that these misconnections are not disastrous, at least they have not been so far.

Can you try and do something with the feelings? I write them out or do other creative work. Sometimes I swim or stretch, things which bring me right into myself and centre me. This is important to me so I can feel myself rather than gravitating towards my therapist and focussing on her feelings.

Whatver you do or don't do, it's $hitty tolerating the waiting and the discomfort. It won't last though.

[ElectricManatee]

I'm really sorry that you haven't heard from your T. That seems a little unlike her from what you have shared about her here. I do agree that the waiting can be intolerable, and I have also been surprised sometimes by how wrong the scenario my brain has spun out can be sometimes. Until you know how your T feels, it's probably better to assume she won't terminate you. She really cares about you, and she has been working with you for a while now. Whatever happened in session, unless maybe you physically attacked her, I bet you can work through it with her.

[LonesomeTonight]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I've been there, and it's an awful feeling (either the T not responding or the T responding with seeming anger or frustration). Sounds like a possible rupture, but those can often be repaired.


Was yesterday your session, then you emailed last night and texted today? Just wondering if it's possible there's something else going on in her life where she hasn't been able to respond. And when are you due to see her again?

[Breaking Dawn]

I believe in CBT, but sometimes what is going on is just too much.

[velcro003]

Just an update. I talked to my T today and she reassured me I did absolutely nothing wrong and she doesn't want to terminate me. Just hearing her voice telling me those words really helped. I can't believe how high my anxiety was for the past day and a half. Thanks for listening

[LonesomeTonight]

Glad to hear it, Velcro!