Couch 229 - Acetominphen and

Being a manatee, that must be somewhat problematic for you! Thanks for the youtube ref!

Thanks, QM. Hm, wonder if he'd permit a fist bump? Or elbow bump? (It was very awkward when I got my hair cut for the first time in ages, and the stylist went in for an elbow bump--and it took me a few seconds to realize what she was going for). A foot bump would have been doable if I was sitting where I used to sit, I think (ex-MC did one of those with me once).

Chihiro, if the package is that large and it’s that hard to navigate your building, maybe it wasn’t stolen but someone shoved it out of the way somewhere?

And yeah...I’ve had packages stolen in the past, one a Christmas present. No recourse. You could file a police report if you want to shake up management.

You people who don’t want to share bathwater would not have survived medieval times.

No harm asking your T. If there's a fear of physical contact for either of you due to covid, I'm sure there's hand sanitiser. And a fist bump is less contact than a handshake.

Elbow bump seems awkward but maybe it's my physical coordination issues. Foot bump for me isn't possible due to the space between us. So it was just easier to offer a fist bump as "goodbye" before I open the door to get out. She typically follows me out to fetch her next patient if there's one.

Lots of Feelings today. When I got myself some chocolate covered honeycomb as a treat a few days ago, I wasn't expecting to eat half the bag in one sitting. I am going to an art class tomorrow, and feel very out of practise. I had all kinds of good intentions regarding using this enforced downtime to get better at drawing and painting, and then life just intensified, so it didn't happen.

Thanks, @@

The apartment manages says that FedEx is required to deliver to my door, so the fact that they did not do this might be able to help me file a claim. I’ll call them after work.

I’m just so discouraged. I’m sick of eating off of a freaking box. And apparently my new neighbors suck.

Do you know why it is so important to you to focus on the therapist and/or this issue? Does it help you with whatever it was that you hire him for? I am not intending to criticize - I just do not understand. It seems like whenever he sets some boundary - you spend an enormous amount of time trying to figure out a way around it.

Hugs, Lost. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to beat yourself up for not working on art during this time. You needed time to heal. I hope the art class will be good for you.


I really need to get back into painting myself. Dr. T said recently that he felt like he'd failed in not getting me to do more of that in the past year (I'd done some early in the pandemic).

This is a good question, I think. A handshake is a symbolic act, a way to show you have a relationship. If you know you have a relationship, do you really need the symbol?

Asking this as someone who has never shaken hands, elbow-bumped, hugged, or anything else with my T, though, so maybe I'm missing something.

I admit - I always thought hand shaking was to prove you weren't holding a weapon/going to whack the other with a weapon of some sort (like a mace or sword or tie them to a trebuchet etc)

Only if you’re not left-handed and sporting a main gauche.

This may be the first use of “trebuchet” on PC...er, MSF.

To answer questions--I don't know. In this case, the handshake would partly feel like a return to normalcy. And not like yet another thing reminding me that though the pandemic has abated in some ways, things still are far from normal.

As for Dr. T's boundaries, I think part of it is his sort of unwillingness to explore them and try to be understanding with me about why I want certain things, even if the ultimate answer is "no." I don't know if that makes any sense. I haven't really done much pushing of his boundaries lately either. Like I've tried to be very patient about his taking so long to return in person. I didn't ask him about it for months, then asked him *maybe* once a month. He said some clients were really pressuring him for that. I asked if I was one of them, and he said no.

In this case, the handshake isn't something I'd push him on because I *know* the reason he wouldn't want to. I might say, "I guess a fist or elbow bump is out of the question?" and if he said no, I'd drop it. Because I don't like it when my parents have been pushing against what I do and don't feel comfortable with in terms of COVID stuff regarding my (unvaccinated due to age) daughter (like, "Oh come on, this is totally safe, can't we just do this?") So if he says "no," then OK. If case rates in my area continue to be extremely low, then at some point a couple months from now, maybe I'd check in. Like, "Any chance you'd be open to a handshake?"

The whole standing up thing at the end of session a couple years ago was a little different, because he was all, "I'm not gonna do it and I'm not gonna say why and I don't let other people dictate what I do." He later said it was because it hurt his back, and if he'd initially said that, I'd have totally dropped it immediately. Yes, I know, he completely has the right to not tell me why he won't do things. But his vehement pushback toward what I thought was a minor request just confused me. Incidentally, I do think I'd handle that differently now--I have learned that sending an email expressing why I'm angry is a poor way to handle things (whether with him or with anyone, really).

Didn't really answer this question. I think for me it just felt like a nice ending to the session, something slightly more personal. Like, I don't know, giving a friend, partner, or relative a hug when you see them/part ways, if both parties are into hugs. Or partners or relatives saying "I love you." Yes, maybe it's known, but it's nice to have the reminder.

Really? I email Info about why I’m angry with her whenever I am. She’s fine with it (actually seems to welcome it) so long as I don’t use bullets or numbers to list my grievances (apparently that feels like being attacked by a series of blows). I don’t insult her and I’m just direct, not passive-aggressive or manipulative.

I probably wouldn’t do that with anyone else on email, though. I might say “I’m a little irritated because I...” but that’s it.

I'm glad it works with Info. I imagine many T's would be fine with this, perhaps even most!


The issue for me is that Dr. T will express anger right back over email. And everything tends to seem harsher over email/text vs. spoken. So it's better for us to have a conversation about it in person/online. Others' mileages may vary.

I will say it has helped me a couple times to type up why I'm angry/hurt and hand it to him in session--or else in an email but say I don't want him to reply to the content, but for us to discuss next session. I did use bullets once for him and also for ex-MC though!

Also they just told me that I have to start working on Saturday when everyone else gets to start on Monday, because I am the first one to work at the big hospital. Plus the secretary is super disorganized and has only replied to about half of my emails (I’ve only sent her a few but, like, I need to know if my effing vacation request is approved so I can buy a plane ticket before it gets even more expensive).

I am just livid about everything and I don’t know why.

I think I used bullet points every time I wrote the woman to tell her of her failure. I never wanted them to write back - I wrote more so I could get it away from me. I really didn't care if the woman felt attacked (I doubt she did) or not.

I’m guessing because you just uprooted your life, moved across the country, are physically apart from your normal support system, and are starting a new job.

I know it doesn’t feel okay right now, but it will be. Things will settle down.

Thanks, @@

I guess it's sort of obvious *why* I'm so angry; I just wish I weren't because it's unpleasant and it keeps me from sleeping well, which just increases irritability.

I don't intend this to be a criticism of you at all and in general I am critical of your therapist because, as you describe him, he sounds incurious and arrogant. However, this isn't his therapy and it would be inappropriate for him to use your therapy to explore his boundaries. He needs to use his own therapy, peer support, supervision, ongoing training, etc, to explore and understand his boundaries in his practice. If he explored his boundaries in your work, I can imagine it would result in confusion, inconsistency and hurt for you (this is characteristic of my therapist and therapy). Maybe his "no" is something to welcome because it is clear.

Do you feel out of control of all these factors which you perceive as happening *to* you? Moving, long distance relationship, failed furniture delivery, inadequate apartment introduction, frustrating training session, unreasonable demands about starting work, and so on. There's lots of positive stuff happening for you and in many ways you are in a powerful position. It sounds like you think that your rage doesn't fit and that probably means there is something really important to notice in your feeling of anger.

You make an interesting point here. I think the issue for him as a therapist is that he doesn't tend to explore much of this stuff for himself. Unless something has changed, he's not in his own therapy, he doesn't have supervision, and he meets with a peer group 6 whole times a year. He does do ongoing training, as it's required for his degree, but I have no idea if it relates in any way to how he conducts therapy with me. (I know he he did bring up the whole stone issue in his consulting group, and they all just basically agreed with him, as he explained it to me.)

I do think some of his boundaries are helpful because they're clear (for example, I would NEVER ask him for a hug). But it also seems that his boundaries have become much fuzzier since the pandemic began--considerable self-disclosure, not charging anymore for email (though I think that will eventually change, from what he said before), agreeing to meet with me (virtually) at the last minute at 8:30 in the evening when I was struggling one night (he billed that as regular session), seeming OK with some non-scheduling texts (like continuing the conversation), being warmer, etc. So I think it's all more confusing for me.

And makes me wonder how it will change when we return in person in a couple weeks.

Yeah, I think that these things do all feel like they're out of my control. And I think there's a part of me that feels somehow like I *deserve* for things to go relatively smoothly? That's pretty presumptuous of me, and not especially flattering :/

I'm super interested in what you're staying about positive things happening / being in a powerful position / rage not fitting, but I'm not sure if I know what you mean. Would you be willing to explain a bit more?

Kind of a rough day, emotionally. I just feel very vulnerable and fragile. Six more days until I see my T, Dr. K. I haven't really minded the break which makes me wonder if it is time to end therapy. But I think there are a few things I want to talk over with him. I feel very shattered inside and like my foundation has been rocked. I'm trying to reconcile what I believe with what I see and it's complicated.

Or Japan.