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LonesomeTonight
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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 06:17 AM
  #461
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Originally Posted by Quietmind 2 View Post
I don't know yet, but I'll be checking in on her when I can. I've left her a message offering validation and asking how I can help.

She is currently waiting on lab test results. Her post mentioned thinking of a Go Fund Me, but she's concerned about platform fees. She lost unemployment benefits because she tried to work then had to quit due to a wide range of symptoms and is ineligible for future payments unless she works for a minimum of 6 months. She plans to file for disability, but that can take a long time. People have offered to Venmo / Cash App.

That's truly awful that they didn't tell her for all that time. This being the United States, she might be able to sue them for damages to cover medical costs. Particularly the fact that this was happening over 5 years and they didn't tell her. Maybe it's not something that could have been reversible, but she might have been able to stop any further damage or have gotten on a transplant list.

Maybe someone else could set up a GoFundMe for her and cover the fees on it? You're correct that disability can take a long time--even if she gets approved quickly (I imagine she might in this situation), it could take a few months for the payments to start (from my understanding).
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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 06:34 AM
  #462
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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
That's truly awful that they didn't tell her for all that time. This being the United States, she might be able to sue them for damages to cover medical costs. Particularly the fact that this was happening over 5 years and they didn't tell her. Maybe it's not something that could have been reversible, but she might have been able to stop any further damage or have gotten on a transplant list.

Maybe someone else could set up a GoFundMe for her and cover the fees on it? You're correct that disability can take a long time--even if she gets approved quickly (I imagine she might in this situation), it could take a few months for the payments to start (from my understanding).
I'll suggest. So far most of the comments on her thread are from people who don't know what could help, so I'm hoping it's just the time of day, and that she'll get more comments.
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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 09:36 AM
  #463
Note to self, for like the 165th time: do not try to have emotional conversations with your mother.

Between my chair's outing me and my mother, I'd actually ask Info for a session before our next one (I scheduled it after my return so it could be in-person) so I can rant and get stuff away from me, but she's on vacation.
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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 11:52 AM
  #464
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Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
Note to self, for like the 165th time: do not try to have emotional conversations with your mother.


Between my chair's outing me and my mother, I'd actually ask Info for a session before our next one (I scheduled it after my return so it could be in-person) so I can rant and get stuff away from me, but she's on vacation.
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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 12:43 PM
  #465
Hugs to all who need/want.


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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 12:45 PM
  #466
Thanks, Artie.

Good timing. Today is hard.
Why do people think it's OK to make light of things that aren't remotely funny?

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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 01:11 PM
  #467
Quote:
Originally Posted by Quietmind 2 View Post
I don't know yet, but I'll be checking in on her when I can. I've left her a message offering validation and asking how I can help.

She is currently waiting on lab test results. Her post mentioned thinking of a Go Fund Me, but she's concerned about platform fees. She lost unemployment benefits because she tried to work then had to quit due to a wide range of symptoms and is ineligible for future payments unless she works for a minimum of 6 months. She plans to file for disability, but that can take a long time. People have offered to Venmo / Cash App.
We filed my husband's disability in September, they did some additional testing in December, and he was approved and funds hit our bank early February. I thought that was actually rather quick, and we were fortunate he was approved the first time. Liver failure, I would suspect, would be a pretty straight-forward approval. Sounds like her medical info in on a patient portal which is really helpful; that's how my husband's was, and it made for quick review and approval.

In the meantime, she probably qualifies for Medicaid if she is unable to work due to this. I do not know the process for that though.

Family members set up a Go Fund Me following my husband's death (not really something I was interested in, but they insisted people wanted a way to help - my husband's death hit a lot of people really hard). I didn't find the fees to be terribly high, but I didn't pay too much attention to that end of things.
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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 01:50 PM
  #468
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Originally Posted by Quietmind 2 View Post
Hugs if wanted. Rant away here if it could help? Couch 230: Decent Communications
Thanks, but I don’t want to inflict myself on you guys—things can get pretty ugly when i rant. Better to pay Info to hear it. That way she can afford more vacations.

To add to my mood, I’ve also just had confirmed what I long suspected: that I’d been rejected for at least one tenure-track academic position because of my disability. I’m sure there were others.

It was so long ago that it doesn’t really matter now that I’m settled, but I have to say, everyone talks about the problems of being a woman in academia, yet even as a woman I’ve had far more trouble as someone with a disability.
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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 03:03 PM
  #469
I was planning to do my apology today. I was going to do a brief video. Yay! We got through it! You got As and Bs, and if you didn't get one on the draft, you can still get one on the final version! And you're finished! Oh by the way I'm sorry if I hurt anybody's feelings. Congratulations on graduating!

I just don't feel up to it. A brief email, instead?

I feel sure my chair would prefer a video, but I don't want to. I can be fake cheerful in an email way more easily than in a video. My fake cheer is all gone, today. And I don't recall her specifically asking for a video.

And no, it's not really an option to not apologize at all. They can't fire me over it, but they can nitpick over ever tiny thing and make my life less pleasant, which I would prefer to avoid.

I'm not sure what to say in the email. Oh, well, it will come. I'll email it to a colleague for review, first.

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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 04:06 PM
  #470
That's some BS, @@. Your disability should not be used as an excuse to prevent you from progressing in your career. Surely there's something that covers that in the ADA? (Not that I know anything about that...)

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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 04:14 PM
  #471
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That's some BS, @@. Your disability should not be used as an excuse to prevent you from progressing in your career. Surely there's something that covers that in the ADA? (Not that I know anything about that...)
ADA doesn’t cover attitudes. You can always give one reason to not hire someone when the real reason is something else, whatever that may be. That’s what this situation was.
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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 04:21 PM
  #472
That's true, but definitely doesn't make it right. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this.

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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 05:01 PM
  #473
New to this thread so I’m not sure I’m doing it right but I’m assuming I just talk about myself? It’s almost august and that’s a really weird feeling for me. A lot of process. I’ve been looking for a new hobby to start and I can’t find one. I’ve done painting and yoga before but I’m looking for something different. Maybe I’ll try crocheting?
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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 05:16 PM
  #474
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New to this thread so I’m not sure I’m doing it right but I’m assuming I just talk about myself? It’s almost august and that’s a really weird feeling for me. A lot of process. I’ve been looking for a new hobby to start and I can’t find one. I’ve done painting and yoga before but I’m looking for something different. Maybe I’ll try crocheting?
Welcome to the couch! We have a crochet master so ask any questions you might have @artiesthesequal

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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 05:37 PM
  #475
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New to this thread so I’m not sure I’m doing it right but I’m assuming I just talk about myself? It’s almost august and that’s a really weird feeling for me. A lot of process. I’ve been looking for a new hobby to start and I can’t find one. I’ve done painting and yoga before but I’m looking for something different. Maybe I’ll try crocheting?

Welcome to the couch! We pretty much talk about anything and everything here, well, within the site guidelines and stuff of course.

I enjoy crocheting - it's very relaxing for me. My favorite grandma taught me when I was young (and now I'm old ). If you're new to it, there's lots of videos on youtube! I'm always up for talking about crocheting! I just now printed out a pattern for a crocodile stitch sunflower square - once you're up and running, there's tons of free patterns online. I frequently use patterns from Ravelry. it's free to join, and while they have paid patterns on there, there is an extensive amount of free ones too. A couple of my favorite patterns to make I downloaded free from there (slippers and a baby afghan).

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Welcome to the couch! We have a crochet master so ask any questions you might have @artiesthesequal

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awww shucks!
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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 07:47 PM
  #476
Ugh! I have huge hives on my side. I think it's from stress and anxiety. I had an attachment anxiety attack last night, and today I have hives.

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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 08:01 PM
  #477
Ah jeez. My parents are in town, and because they didn't listen to me and wait to make plans until I had my fellowship schedule, they came when I am working 12h/d 6d/wk. (We have to do this difficult rotation 10 weeks out of the year, and then much easier ones the other 42 weeks.) They've been wanting me to spend time with them every evening after I get off work, which I have been doing.

They also wanted to come to my apartment to help with some things while I was at work, so I said okay. They were here for five hours. They took out my recycling by dropping it off the second story balcony and then carrying it to the bin (instead of carrying it down the elevator/stairs like sane people). They attempted to put together a piece of Ikea furniture but put something in upside down and then couldn't finish assembling it because it can't be assembled upside down and gave up halfway through. They did not attempt to put together any of the other things that needed assembling.

My dad wants to hire someone from TaskRabbit to put together the various bits of furniture because he feels bad that he couldn't do it, but that means that someone has to be at the apartment to let the TaskRabbit person in. He wanted to arrange this RIGHT NOW but I said I was very tired and just wanted to go to sleep and that I would strongly prefer to arrange it tomorrow. I said that a few times (politely but firmly) until he stopped asking. Luckily, they can see how exhausted I am so are not insisting I go out to dinner with them tonight; they left me alone in the apartment and went back to their hotel. But honestly I think the reason they did that is because tomorrow my parents and I have to drive 1-2h each way to see family in another part of the state, which literally none of us want to do; I think they suspect that if they pressured me too hard spend time with them tonight I'd just flat-out refuse to go. It's my only day off this week; I have been working in the hospital or on call or both every day since 7/16 and I am exhausted and just want to rest. Too damn bad for me, I guess.

I love my parents. I would die for my parents. I also am driven crazy by my parents.
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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 09:38 PM
  #478
Feeling...something...tonight. Eternity stretching out in front of me with no happiness in sight? Decided to have a drink (or more) tonight. Probably not my best idea. Therapist gone. Poof. Off into the woods (literally). Left alone feeling pathetic that I'm all alone when he's gone. He's gonna be gone forever at some point.
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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 09:50 PM
  #479
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Feeling...something...tonight. Eternity stretching out in front of me with no happiness in sight? Decided to have a drink (or more) tonight. Probably not my best idea. Therapist gone. Poof. Off into the woods (literally). Left alone feeling pathetic that I'm all alone when he's gone. He's gonna be gone forever at some point.
What can we do to help?

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Default Jul 31, 2021 at 09:59 PM
  #480
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What can we do to help?
No clue. Acknowledging my existence is a start.

I watched this movie today, it was a romantic drama I guess. It just left me feeling "ugh". It wasn't a great movie (Nights in Rodanthe), and I watched it mainly because it was leaving Netflix today and I needed a distraction. But it just left me feeling like I've been changed somehow by my ex's actions. I can't even appreciate love or romance anymore. What's even the point of life?
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