Couch 232: Not Sully!

You say that now, but wait till you meet her.

Money. The great motivator. Maybe they'll actually do something about it now. That would make me really anxious with my history. Boy who cried wolf and all.

I'm sorry you're having to plan to move. That sounds really stressful. Especially with how long you've been there.

Seeing pdoc tomorrow. She's fine. It's the height, weight, pulse, blood pressure stations that I really dislike.

No privacy though social distancing means it's blessedly less crowded.

The technicians always make comments about my weight. Gawd, I don't have an ED but I can imagine how ****ing triggering it could be.

My pulse is always 100+ bpm "at rest" due to PTSD but they always nag me to deep breathe for 5 to 10 min. Which actually doesn't help at all, really. I already do plenty of deliberate deep breathing way before the finger clip. I usually have to sit there until it drops to around 85 bpm. Waste of time, I've told them I have anxiety disorders and that's my normal but they still get this... nervous look?

That sucks, QM, that you have to sit there until your pulse drops.

I have a resting heart rate anywhere between 90-105, and I'm on meds for it! No one has ever made a big deal about it except for H. H insisted I see a cardiologist, and after two tests, he said that I was fine. Actually, he said I might have a case of white coat syndrome because when I was wearing the holter monitor, my pulse did actually drop into a normal range.

Good luck at your appointment! I hope all goes well.

Glad to hear it!

Hugs Una I'm sorry you're having to move, esp after living there for so long. I hope you're able to find a new place easily and that it makes you happier too!

Glad to hear your results were normal, Scarlet!

And I'm sorry you have to move after all that time, Una. So it's a new management company then?

I feel like getting my hair cut again. I probably shouldn't cuz if I go much shorter I won't be able to put it up in a ponytail anymore, and it's so thick I kinda rely on the ponytail to keep me cooler when I'm out walking.


In other news I watched the final episode of Lucifer last night. Damn that was a good show and I wish it wasn't over!

Had to take my lunch early today, which is okay anyway since I started an hour early for OT. We have a 2 hour training class that starts in about 20 minutes as soon as I get back from lunch. Lots of changes happening at work lately, so lots of training has been happening.

Yeah im thinking its like every time i got fired - horrid to go thru, but always ends up really working out for the best. I have to admit, living here has been hard for various reasons.

IF you do have to move, I hope you find a better place -the one you are in sounds like it has had some issues.

Hi all,
Yeah, I can see the comparisons between the forum and a bar:

Some issues seem to be improving for me but I received not so good news about my latest heart test. The echocardiogram shows my heart function has decreased from abt 40-45% to 25-30%. Normal is greater than about 55-60%?
Not feeling the best.

The plan had been to try a new heart med but I’m not tolerating it very well.

I saw a new NP at the heart failure clinic and will be seeing the new heart failure M.D. October 13. The NP suggested they might order a heart MRI since, she said, my pacemaker/defib is MRI compliant. But I told her the device maker (Medtronic) said my device is MRI compliant….but the attached wires are not. Cannot have an MRI with metal in ya because the huge magnet in the MRI machine will rip them out.
Not compliant with Homo sapiens!
Is this TMI?

Anyway, haven’t told my family n real life friends yet bc I’m hoping to get my many questions answered (prognosis if meds don’t help this?) when I see the heart failure doc in a few weeks…
So, I’m telling you guys.
Lucky you.
Bartender! Cool whip and turns on the Slip n Slide for everyone!

My sister is having more court drama. I had to go to court with her last week because ex was trying to get emergency full custody because of her DUI. Today we went because my sister's trying to get emergency full custody because I think she still has 2 maybe 3 more court dates: ex's custody for the DUI, and then the actual DUI case. I'm tired of it all. Too much drama.

I told my dad that I didn't want to go to anymore court cases with my sister. He got mad at me. I told him it's draining to me. I also told him it's not fair because no one helps me with my problem. He asked which one and I said with losing L once a week, but that I know there is no help with that. He then suggested we go and and have "fun". He just doesn't get it.

Scarlet, I hear you! I empathize with you. HUGS Kit

I'm sorry your heart function is declining, Precaryous. I hope they can find something else that helps.

I get it too, Scarlet. I can imagine all the court visits would be very draining. And that going and doing something fun wouldn't make up for missing L.


When is your sister's actual DUI trial? It seems like it would make more sense to have custody hearings after that rather than before (though I guess emergency custody made sense).

My sister's DUI trial in the day before Thanksgiving. Her ex actually also has a DUI trial next month. I feel for the girls...

Hey couchies, I know some of you have done dream work? What was it like?

Context below:

I'm having nightmares that are reminders of abuse/trauma. Used to be all night, every night which wasn't helpful at all. Now that I'm on meds which help, I'm wondering if occasional nightmare can be brought to therapy to process the fear, anger and related emotions.

When most of my past is really hazy like now, nightmares remind me the abuse happened because I FEEL my emotions - so I overthink less, I remember why I left etc.

Especially as my 2 ok siblings disappeared on me once I set firm boundaries so my mother wouldn't manipulate me through them.

Potentially important material for therapy, I feel.

Some people are great believers in dreams. But they didn't reveal much to me.

After i went no-contact with my family, my dreams started changing to where i was talking back to, not just arguing endlessly with, my mother or my brother. I would wake up astonished that i had found my voice. Each dream went a little further, to where now, about five years after my mothers passing, and about ten years of my no contact decision, they dont terrify me in my dreams anymore.

My dreams during this last week have been less horrible than just before, and that has me wondering!

Interesting! After some stressful events, I'm basically "back there" again but re-experiencing being trapped/physically blocked and trying desperately to fight back without succeeding.

L and I believe that dreams are your mind trying to process emotions. Sometimes they're very literal, sometimes they're not. But the theme of the dreams usually will point to something you're dealing with or something on your mind.

I rarely remember any of my dreams.