Couch 232: Not Sully!

Kit - Are you familiar with "A reason, a season, a lifetime"? Maybe it might help you with this loss of your IOP therapist.

I have formed attachments to different people (women for me specifically) who cannot remain in my life for one reason or another. The first person who comes to mind was a therapist at a crisis house I stayed at. She helped me a ton when I was there for DV and she was there via phone when ex-T abandoned me. I so wish I could have kept her in my life. I could have learned so much from her. But it wasn't meant to be. However, I do get to keep her in a special part of my heart. I keep my short, but valuable time I had with her, the hug we weren't supposed to have, and the lessons she taught me. They are mine and I'll never forget her.

Try to cherish what you do have left with this T. Maybe get a transitional object from her, even an encouraging letter, to keep and remember her by. Don't let this time go to waste just because it hurts. She is special to you for helping you. Honor that.

Yes, overall it has been helpful. I have a greater understanding of some of my issues including shame. I feel better equipped to handle stressors. I have some tools for emotional regulation and distress tolerance. Except for not being able to keep this T it has been a very positive experience. Losing her however, feels like it wipes out all the positive and just leaves the slate on the negative end. But I am slowly coming more to peace with it. I survived the loss of former T and I saw her for 10 years. I can survive this loss too. Thanks for your poem in your next post. HUGS Kit

My brain is so mushy halfway through the semester that when I packed my swim stuff and headed for the gym, the packed bag stayed at home by the front door while I drove to the gym.

Loam dog is not doing his job, reminding you!

He’s too busy sleeping, eating, playing with his toys, or sunning his perineum (why does every dog I acquire do that?).

It seems to be a dog thing -all of my dogs do it. Must feel good (sunburn potential aside)

I hate cats, no i dont really but wnyndo they look you in the eye as they are pushing your favourite coffee mug off the table. Some sort of dominance thing or are they just bastards

Alao why is youtube recommending a series of videos of capybaras earing a variety of giant vegetables?

Aw, I love capybaras! Basically giant guinea pigs (except capybaras also swim).

I have a lead on a new T. I picked her name off the list from my insurance company. I liked her name so that's why I picked her. As good of a reason as any. She wasn't listed on Psychology Today so I couldn't get a look at her or her credentials or anything. She seems okay on the phone. She left me a voicemail. At least her voice is tolerable. It's not annoying or anything. I can't place the age from the voice though. She verified she does take my insurance and she is going to look at her telehealth schedule. The one thing that bothered me was that she said if I didn't hear back from her today to text her tomorrow because she is really busy today. Is that a sign that she is forgetful? I'm glad her practice is busy though, that seems like a good sign. If she was a bad therapist, maybe she wouldn't be busy. I hope she connects with me and I hope I connect with her and we click.


Also my case manager from IOP is going to try to help me find a T. I sent him the front and back of my insurance card so he can do some research and see who is in my area. I told him I was also open to telehealth (got used to it because of Covid) so if he needed to go a little further he could. So waiting for him to get back to me.

Happy Friday everyone. Just dropped in momentarily to send hugs /headnods all around as appropriate, before I head out to see L. Have to stop by my son's place first so am leaving a little early. And to share that I finished the mandala afghan last night, here's a pic! It's so big I can't get a decent picture of the entire thing laid flat, so this is it draped over my couch. I am thrilled with how it turned out and already planning to make another. It took me 15 days, working on it every evening.

Your afghan is really pretty Artie. Great job!

Really beautiful Artie! So very talented!

Really impressed by the afghan, Artie!

I hope you hear back soon, Kit, and that the one T works out. I wouldn't assume her saying to text if she doesn't call today to mean she is forgetful. It may just be that she knew she'd be busy today and might not have a chance to call. The fact that she's saying to text her on a Saturday seems like she's trying to make something work.

Also, even if she is forgetful about things like that, it doesn't mean she'll be a bad T. We all have our faults. I mean, I can have every intention of contacting someone on a particular day, then the day gets away from me. It doesn't mean I care about them any less or that I wouldn't remember, say, an actual plan to meet for lunch or whatever. So I'd give her a chance.

I agree. L can be really scattered brain at times. But as far as memory...she not only remembers discussions and events but dates/time as well. It's amazing what she remembers.

Same with T. When I was seeing T, she double booked me 3 different times! Actually, our first session she double booked and I had to wait for 2 hours. I was going to quit on her, but people convinced me to give her a chance. I'm glad I did.

Thanks LT and Scarlet for the input. I am definitely going to give her a chance. I hope she works out because I am not good at trying multiple T's (although I know that is the point.) I lucked out with former T. She worked well for me. And IOP T who I had no choice in the matter, she worked well for me. I guess we are going to have a check in next week with another therapist while IOP T is on vacation. I do talk to her on Monday though so that's nice. I don't know how I am going to get the homework done between then and now.

She asked me about my safety plans and how likely I was to actually follow through with them. I was like, honestly like 50% and she was like, that's not going to work. We need to make this work! So I feel bad that I let her down but I am trying not to go to a shame based place. Just because I didn't follow an arbitrary set of rules (albeit rules meant to keep me safe) doesn't mean I am a bad person. The persecutor in my head would like me to believe that I am. But I am not. I, at best, made a mistake and at worst am impulsive. I feel bad that she had to get all directive with me though.

Old man cat got his new coat in the mail today. As soon as I took it out of the package he trotted over for it. He is wandering around obviously feeling quite dashing.

Picture?

He understood it was for him?!

I just realized my dl expired in July...oops. Now I have to do the real id stuff. Urgh!

I am not complaining they are really cute

My bosses from NY went home today. It was nice having them here. I really like them. They gave me nice compliments too.

IOP tonight and then two days off!

My IOP therapist thought I was mad at her. I wasn't mad. I was hurt. So I explained that in an email. I hope she understands. Maybe being hurt is worse. IDK. I hate when people are mad at me. I don't know how I feel if I hurt someone. Guilty? Bad? IDK. I'll have to think about this.