Does your therapist use terms of endearment?

Mountaindewed · Sep 18, 2021, 08:20 PM

When I leave her office she always says “bye my dear.” Or just “bye dear.” And part of me doesn’t mind it because the word is gender neutral but at the same time I’m wondering if she’s taking me seriously when she says that. She almost called me ma’am right after I told her I am trans but she caught herself just in time.

Does your therapist use any words like dear, hon, or sweetie? How does it make you feel?

NP_Complete · Sep 18, 2021, 09:33 PM

No, but if he did, I don't think I'd like it. From a male those words feel a bit paternalistic. If my therapist were female, I still don't think I'd care for it.

velcro003 · Sep 18, 2021, 09:36 PM

My T was saying bye to me once, and started to say "bye, hon," but caught herself. I think it is a little funny. Otherwise, no, and if it did happen regularly, I think I would be annoyed at her.

MuddyBoots · Sep 19, 2021, 03:03 AM

I think she has but I honestly don't remember because I don't care.

LostOnTheTrail · Sep 19, 2021, 03:34 AM

R has used terms of endearment from something like the second year of our therapeutic relationship. I value the fact that she uses them, because it's one way of reassuring me that nothing else in our relationship has changed.

She's the only person who calls me 'lovely', and it means a lot.

Quietmind 2 · Sep 19, 2021, 06:11 AM

My newish pdoc called me dear once, as I was leaving. "Take care, dear."

It was unfamiliar and confusing, and kicked up inside chatter in my head.

Sep 19, 2021, 06:41 AM

no but I honestly wish that she would

I love those sort of words. makes me feel loved and respected

sometimes, just a "hi", or hello makes me think I've done something wrong

LonesomeTonight · Sep 19, 2021, 06:58 AM

Mine does not, with one exception: Something came up about age. He's 7 years older than me. And he said, "I'm a lot older than you are, honey." It bothered me at the time, partly because I thought he didn't know my (approximate) age and also the "honey" thing felt a bit condescending the way he said it. We had an email exchange, and he said it sounded very different in his head and realized when he read it, that it didn't sound so good. And also that being almost 50 felt much older to him than early 40s, but that was about him, not me. He has not used anything like "honey" since then.

ScarletPimpernel · Sep 19, 2021, 08:57 AM

Noun terms of endearment (i.e. sweetie, honey, etc.), no. Adjectives, yes, when addressing me in an email. She'll often call me precious or sweet. I don't think I'd like the nouns. I think it would make me feel minimized or ...?

My Pdoc calls me Miss Scarlet. I hate it.

RoxanneToto · Sep 19, 2021, 11:23 AM

Mine doesn’t, and I like it that way though wouldn’t be too bothered if she accidentally did. I don’t think she uses those words round clients, anyway.

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 19, 2021, 05:53 PM

When she has, on rare occasions, it's been "my dear". I like it.

Mountaindewed · Sep 19, 2021, 07:49 PM

I guess because my therapist is only 6 years older then me it comes off as though she’s talking to me like I’m mentally challenged. Or is being sarcastic. It’s tough to tell when she’s being legit or is just being sarcastic.

Deejay14 · Sep 19, 2021, 07:50 PM

No that hasn't happened and I don't think it ever will.

Gawain · Sep 19, 2021, 08:03 PM

That seems rather unprofessional, even if in the end there's nothing malicious behind it.

It's still a physician-patient relationship and a certain professional distance and decorum should be maintained I believe.

stopdog · Sep 19, 2021, 08:26 PM

Not that I recall - I imagine I would have reacted badly to such a thing. Not the therapist's place to use such language at me.

ChickenNoodleSoup · Sep 20, 2021, 06:07 AM

No, but that's not something that's usual in my language. Had tons of waiters in the US call me "honey", that would never happen here.

But it would weird me out even if we were speaking English, I don't like to be talked to like that usually.

Lonelyinmyheart · Sep 20, 2021, 07:06 AM

Yes mine does especially when I'm upset. I really like it.

ArtleyWilkins · Sep 20, 2021, 08:15 AM

I don't think mine did, but my T's were all male. I live in the south, and there is a definite tendency to use such endearments as just part of the vernacular. It probably wouldn't even hit my radar if they did - so common to hear it around here.

LonesomeTonight · Sep 20, 2021, 08:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

I don't think mine did, but my T's were all male. I live in the south, and there is a definite tendency to use such endearments as just part of the vernacular. It probably wouldn't even hit my radar if they did - so common to hear it around here.

This is a good point, how it could partly be related to the geographic area. In the area where I grew up, Baltimore, "Hon" is a very common term of endearment, like a waitress might say, "Here you go, Hon," when serving your food. Not meant in any sort of condescending or patronizing way, just how many people speak. Though much more common for women to use that than men.

ChickenNoodleSoup · Sep 20, 2021, 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

This is a good point, how it could partly be related to the geographic area. In the area where I grew up, Baltimore, "Hon" is a very common term of endearment, like a waitress might say, "Here you go, Hon," when serving your food. Not meant in any sort of condescending or patronizing way, just how many people speak. Though much more common for women to use that than men.

It's definitely a cultural thing.
Depending on region in the US (I traveled all over, only haven't visited Hawaii), different terms were used and to different extends, in Europe in some countries it's done too, like in France you'll say "my dear" in some regions, or in Italy and older lady will certainly talk like that to you sometimes. In other parts like Germany it's not done at all, as far as I've seen, and to people from there it's usually weird to be talked to like that.

junkDNA · Sep 25, 2021, 12:40 PM

he calls me punk lol

sarahsweets · Sep 26, 2021, 02:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Noun terms of endearment (i.e. sweetie, honey, etc.), no. Adjectives, yes, when addressing me in an email. She'll often call me precious or sweet. I don't think I'd like the nouns. I think it would make me feel minimized or ...?

No offense but that seems inappropriate.

Quote:

My Pdoc calls me Miss Scarlet. I hate it.

You are a woman right? Is your pdoc male? For decades women have had to put up with pet names because as Daisy Buchanon says in "The Great Gatsby"
"I guess all I am is a fool. A darling little fool"
You are not a fool. tell your doc you hate that name and to use your real one.

nottrustin · Sep 26, 2021, 01:13 PM

My current therapist never has; it would feel weird if she did maybe because she is a few years younger than I am.

Long term therapist did on occasion. Sometimes as I entered or left her office office she said in he softwr sweeter voice "well hello lady" or I will see you next week my lady. Or wehrn we had an emotional session as we were hugging I would thank you, she would say "anytime my dear"

Sep 26, 2021, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

[FONT="Georgia"][SIZE="3"][B]
No offense but that seems inappropriate.

@sarahsweets I am interested in why you think this is inappropriate. To me, it seems like the acceptable and usual kind of affection/regard which happens in relational therapy.

sarahsweets · Sep 26, 2021, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

@sarahsweets I am interested in why you think this is inappropriate. To me, it seems like the acceptable and usual kind of affection/regard which happens in relational therapy.

Saying goodbye hon or see you dear is one thing calling someone precious and sweet just seems odd to me.

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Does your therapist use terms of endearment?

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