[MissCharlotte]

T and I continue to work through the aftermath of the rupture. Tonight I did not feel as though I could sit too close to him. I can tell because when I am on the couch and facing the center of the picture, I am closer than when I am centered with the lamp. Tonight I faced the lamp.

My mother died 8 days before my youngest child was born. In the delivery room, right after giving birth I called my Dad and we cried together about how much she would have loved this little guy. In my memory it is a most precious moment. When my father died 2 years later I was devastated. It was a sudden death and I felt as though he had disappeared.

This past week was the anniversary of my Dad's death 12 years ago. It just bumped into the rupture and repair with T. And, I am so very amazed at the power of the unconscious and how I re-lived many facets of the loving experiences with my father along with the grief of his loss.

I even had a dream where I invited T to meet my youngest son and where I saw his arm. (I loved my Dad's arm.) I have become convinced that T was dead and had disappeared.

Tonight I was crying and he looked at me and said, "The only difference is I am not dead. I'm still here."

I looked at him and said, "Are you sure?" He said, I'm sure but you're not."

He's right. But I'm getting there.

Peace

[Flowerb]

Sounds like a powerful session. I'm sorry you miss your dad so much. What a wonderful thing to have loved and been loved like that though. I hear the strength of that love entwined in your grief.

Perhaps the death in your dream was the death of the relationship and all that it means to you, especially the hope of healing. A rupture with our Ts, particularly if we've invested a great deal of ourselves in them, can feel like a death of sorts - loss of an ideal and loss of our safe place.

It is understandable that it will take time to be sure about him again. But you are working towards it and letting him know things. That is very brave of you. I think your insight into anniversary grief is right on. Wouldn't life be easier without an unconscious?

[Mouse_]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sister said:



This past week was the anniversary of my Dad's death 12 years ago. It just bumped into the rupture and repair with T. And, I am so very amazed at the power of the unconscious and how I re-lived many facets of the loving experiences with my father along with the grief of his loss.

Tonight I was crying and he looked at me and said, "The only difference is I am not dead. I'm still here."

:

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Powerful!

[Fuzzybear]

[selfy]

(((((((((emom))))))))))

sounds tough. i hope it gets better for you hon. im sure it will.

im always here u no,
:


tc e.mom
dot

[lauren_helene]

Wow Sister, that is powerful. What an interesting connection you have made between the rupture with T and the anniversary of something so painful for you.

You're right, I need a kleenex...

i'm just getting thru a break in trust... it's hard work, and so painful.

sister... i know it's a painful time of year for you with many memories of loss, but please remember the beautiful person you've become and the light those people left in your life. Focus yourself back into the relationship with T if you can, it's an important thing in your life. See him as someone who does not want to hurt you, dont build a case against him... let him back in.

i know... i'm a fine one to talk... but honestly, i'm trying my best to let go of the hurt T caused and i am trying to let him back in and there is a deep sense of relief that washes over me whenever i make a conscious step to connect.

sit closer to the picture.. take the risk and see what happens

[MissCharlotte]

Thanks all.

It is complicated that is for sure. The interesting part is that I have always had such conflict surrounding my father because when I was a young child he was an abusive drunk. It was only when I got older and he sobered up that I have good memories. So, Jello, I am sitting real close to the risk (thanks) and that is how I was able to get this insight.

It has taken me a long, long time to know that it is okay to take the time I need to re-establish trust with T. It's not something that I can do at will. There are two people in this relationship. Trust building requires effort on both parts. I have checked myself on this, and I know I am not building walls, nor am I punishing him. I am just being cautious.

The healing part is that if this had occurred at any prior point in my life I would have just put him out of my life and not let him back in. Period.

Peace

((((((sister)))))))))
you know i care