Couch 235: Home State Advantage

Well that's how the therapist responded when I texted her this morning because I was crying hysterically and couldn't stop.

"Feel better."

I feel like that's how your boss responds when you call in sick and they don't believe you.

I didn't find it helpful, but there isn't anything she could actually do, so...

I say that to students who burden me with their excuses and explanations. I usually add "I hope you feel better soon" but the sentiment is both I hope you are okay eventually and go off and heal without me.

Well I guess that's a good point. Even if she said it in a more palatable way, the sentiment might still be to stop bothering her.

Oh no, I would NOT like that answer from a T.

Well the full response was "I'm sorry, feel better."

Would that be better to you? Fell kind of flat to me but in her place I'd probably be irritated too and wondering what I was expected to say or do.

But I'm not a nice person, so not sure behaving like me is the gold standard.

The Hortatory Subjunctive — Legonium

W. T. H.

H just woke me up and wanted me to try to get a credit card to cover his down-payment of his Telsa in March. I tried by putting in the correct information and hot approved for $300...lol. He then asked me to lie on a different one to try to get a higher rate. I told him no. I HATE his lying and spoiled-ness. It disgusts me.

Good news! My session with T went very well. I was so freaking nervous, but nost that melted away as soon as I saw her. Everything about her was the same. I also now remember why I chose L over T. Anyways, we talked about logistics of whether L can practice here if she moves out of state. She said based on her knowledge, she can. That was extremely reassuring. Then we talked about my insecurities, jealousy, and fears. We talked about why I wouldn't want to marry L, and about how that desire is normal. She told me to remember that L has never not followed through and has kept to her word. And that she (T) feels that L is a reliable and dependable therapist. It's nice having two therapists who support each other.

I'm so nervous to see L on Friday AND I can't wait for her to be back!

Morning couch. Hugs and headnods all around as wanted/needed/appropriate.

I'm definitely not feeling this work thing today. I'm going to put in for some vacation days either later this month or early March and maybe just sleep for 3 days. Actually I slept kind of okayer than usual last night, I was awake at like 1:30am instead of 3:30, so I guess that helped, as once I got back to sleep there was more time before the alarm went off. I dreamed a series of numbers which I've already forgotten but I wrote them down in my notebook. They started with 129 and then there were like 4 more numbers that looked like military time. Who knows. Well I need to log into work and get my day started. I hope it goes by fast.

Was this sent over text? To me, expecting things sent over text to be expressed as eloquently as something a person might say in the context of a therapy session is asking for trouble.

Texts are informal by their very nature. WTH. BRB. And all that jazz. "I'm sorry, feel better" seems entirely appropriate over text.

If a T said that to you during the course of a therapy session, and that was all they said on the topic...THAT would be inappropriate and quite jarring and upsetting, because the therapy hour is a special space. It is carved outside of "regular time" and the focus is solely on the client, on their innermost experiences.

I believe that texts from therapists fall outside of that therapy space. Granted, I never texted with my T and we only rarely emailed one another.

I'm sorry you're upset about this. I understand how you feel. Could you possibly re-frame it, though?

Sent from my SM-G998U using Tapatalk

What are you waiting for? Get thee to a lottery ticket merchant!

I’ve been saying “vivamus, mea Lesbia, atque amemus”* to you for YEARS.

*Since we are an English-language site, “Let us live, my Lesbia, and let us love...”

I would not hire a therapist who advertised or talked about or had icons concerning a religion. I don't even want one going on about spirituality. But I am areligious leaning to anti.

Honestly I don't think I was upset about it. It didn't help and I find the phrase irritating, but that doesn't mean I was upset. I just started thinking about the connotation it usually seems to have while trying to make no assumptions. And what do you know, several people validated my impression of how this phrase is used. Dunno if that's true for her but I feel more "upset" by her typically atrocious grammar over text than by this.

Minor irritation in the scheme of things and not necessary to reframe.

I prefer an atheist therapist. Theoretically it's fine if they're religious so long as they do nothing that makes me aware of that fact directly or indirectly.

I get an atheist vibe from Dr. T. Or at least agnostic. He's said things like "I'm of Jewish heritage" but not "I'm Jewish." Or he recently said, "I'm not Christian, but I like what Jesus said about judge not lest ye be judged." (I suspect his wife may be Christian--or at least not Jewish--so it could have been that he converted.) He seems rather existential in his view on life. Though maybe he believes in some sort of higher power, I don't know.


I wouldn't feel comfortable with a religious T who tried to push that on me at all or even talked about religion much. I believe in a higher power of some sort but don't really consider myself religious.

the number was 7 digits long, i'll have to look into some lottery or other!

Dr. T was pretty clearly crying when I was talking about some of D's school struggles today. I still haven't figured out how to deal with that in the moment. Sometimes I sort of look away, but I wasn't today. Like do I pretend not to notice? Do I say something? What would I even say? "Sorry if I made you cry" sounds weird. "I see I've affected you" sounds odd. There was one time a while back when he acknowledged it, just said something like, "It hadn't really hit me until now just how much your mom affected you" (or something like that).

I know there have been threads where people have talked about this--maybe I should look those up. I mean, it's not like he specifically says something when *I'm* crying unless it's at a seemingly random time, like if we were just talking about something seemingly random and I started crying. Then he might say, "What's going on?"

To clarify, it's touching, and it doesn't particularly bother me. Just more in the sense of how do I react in the moment? Hm...I suppose that could be a question for another session, couldn't it? Like, "You seemed to get a bit emotional the other day when we were talking. I wasn't sure whether to say something or look away or carry on like I hadn't noticed." But maybe that would be weird, too?

Session with Julieanne went as well as could be expected yesterday. It was weird though. It was a phone call and not Zoom because her dentures are at her dentist. So she said she feels....what did she say, not vulnerable, but something like that, without them and would I mind a phone call instead. So of course I said, that's fine. I was worried I wouldn't be able to understand her but I could.


We talked through some of my delusional thinking, which she said was mild, not that it didn't cause distress, mind you, just it wasn't violent or really out there. And we contracted for another 24 hours.


I'm really starting to like her. She said that she really appreciates me being able to stand back and look at my delusional thinking and question whether or not I am being delusional. She says that is a rare quality. I don't get upset when someone tells me I am being delusional. I don't argue or become defensive, I trust that person to be telling me the truth. (Now this could be dangerous with an abusive or manipulative person but I am choosing to believe my T is neither of those things.) And while I couldn't really explain how my delusion--which I have come to accept was a delusion--worked specifically, she said that was okay. It was something I believed for a while until it got brought up to me that it might be delusional and then I was able to step back and address it and accept that it was a bit of delusional or "magical" thinking and I really don't have influence over another person and it wasn't my fault.


And my sister texted me today. My niece has accepted a referral to counseling. I'm so glad. I have been telling her how I "see" someone and talk to someone and how it helps me and I offered to get her a T but she didn't respond. But she had a doctor appointment and they did a depression screening on her and she is on the scale so they asked if she wanted a referral to a therapist and she said yes. She is also on Lexapro so I am hoping that will kick in and help her although it never did very much for me personally but we are different people and it might help her. Although I think she has been feeling worse lately, not better and I know antidepressants can do that especially in teens so I am worried about her.

Oh and Julieanne went to schedule me for next week (yes, folks, we are doing weekly now) and she said, "Oh, I already put you on Tuesday at 6, does that work for you?" So she said she is carving out a spot for me. It's my time. It's nice to have a usual time.

That's fantastic, Kit. I am pleased for you. HUGS.

I actually had one therapist who was a pastor, but I knew that because he was the pastor of my church. Ironically, we almost never discussed religion. In fact, we probably discussed religion less than any of my other therapists, probably because we are the same denomination and that creates a very comfortable understanding that didn't honestly need to be discussed.

I actively avoid therapists and even doctors who advertise as "Christian." And yes, we have doctors around here who really cater to that right wing evangelical group. I am NOT right wing evangelical and run as quickly as possible in the opposite direction from those that "advertise" their leanings in that direction (socially also).

It seems like whenever you mention that he cries, it's almost always related to your daughter and her struggles (which tbh make me sad sometimes too). So it sounds like it's probably about his son, and he's kind of made that a no-go zone iirc.

I probably wouldn't bring it up all, but if you do, I'd be prepared for a barrier to slam down in your face.

I was scared to tell Julieanne about some SH thoughts (thoughts only, no actions) that I'm having today. But I figured if I was scared to bring it up, that meant I probably SHOULD bring it up. So I texted her (I had to anyway to say whether we were going to extend our contract--which I said I think we should, and she agreed). She didn't freak out or suggest I need to go IP (thank goodness because I really don't think that's necessary) but she said she is sorry I am having those thoughts. I don't know for some reason her saying that made me sad. Not that having the thoughts is anything I want to have but just like her empathy or something? I don't know. Anyone relate?

My latest obsession is japanese woodblock printing. But its a significant investment in time and tools and i dont want it to become something that i just give up on but you dont know if you never give it ago. All my life i have tried things and given up and my mother and ex made me feel like i was no good. I do like my painting and polymer clay and i think i might be quite good at it and i am trying to do things to please myself instead of pleasing others and i dont know why i am stressing over this. To be fair i gave up most things with my ex because he couldnt tolerate mess and painting is messing but he also objected to me leaving my flute on the music stand in a room we hardly ever used for guests. Sorry i just needed to put this somewhere. I have just realised that might be controlling behaviour on his part. He tried to scare me into thinking that the social housing might move my to an apartment when the kids move out but i have the dogs and the policy is if you have dogs you bet a house.

Yes, this is exactly what I'm concerned about, coming up against a barrier, potentially causing a conflict if I push even slightly, because he made it clear in the past that it's a barrier.

I wonder if it would help at all for me to say "I really wish we could talk about this, but I understand why we can't and that it's a boundary for you," like just to get it out there?

It doesn't help that today he shared what had happened with a "family friend's son," regarding an initial diagnosis of autism that turned out to be severe ADHD, where I wondered if maybe that was actually his son. But I'm guessing not, because I said something like, "So this is where you tell me that he's actually doing well now after treatment," and he said, "We're not friends with them anymore, so I don't know."

I thought it was going to be some inspiring story, but nope! I mean, I think he intended it in the sense that we can't be completely sure what's going on with D. In the sense of, which element of her diagnosis is really driving her struggles at school.

Which is part of what's behind trialing ADHD meds. We can finally try the higher dose (10 mg of Ritalin, which is still fairly low) tomorrow, now that CVS has gotten its act together (Thursday afternoon: "We'll have it ready in an hour." Friday morning: "Oh wait, no, it's on order, it will be ready after 4 Monday." Monday evening: "No, actually, it will be after 5 Tuesday.") We picked it up this morning.

HUGS LT. That sounds really difficult. I don't know. It seems like that is one area that Dr. T is just like no go. Even if you were to say what you wanted to say about not being able to talk about it kind of seems like he would still be a hard no about. I just don't want you to get hurt.