Couch 235: Home State Advantage

Artie, I say this with love: I don't think you're supposed to get out of it. It's something you need to go through. Emotions and feelings are good things. Like you do with dreams, listen to what your feelings are telling you, and then honor those feelings. I think you're in the process of grief. I see some of the phases you're cycling through. It is okay and a good thing to have and feel these feelings. It's part of being human. It means you have loved and cherished L and your relationship with her. That is a good thing! You're allowed to feel all these feelings: anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness, etc. You can even feel joy and peace. Any and all feelings are welcome, as my L would say. Just keep going. You're okay and are doing good!

Oh, I can answer the "what to do with a car that won't drive" question, Velcro. Two summers ago, mine got flooded (roof leak), and the repair place deemed it unsafe to turn on. I ended up selling it to one of those "We buy cars" places (try googling what I have in quotes). They'll give you some sort of money for part and tow it for free.

With your current car, do you have the actual title? If you bought it used or something, I imagine you do. But if you bought it new and financed it, make sure you have an actual, formal title. That held my sale up for a long time--I had the paperwork saying I'd paid it off and what I thought was the title, but I needed...now I forget the term. Something like an "ink-signed title" that VW Financing had to mail me, but I had a long wait for that. So just make sure you have it.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It sucks to suddenly have to car that's undriveable.

ETA: I can't recall which place I actually ended up selling my car to (local place handled the towing), but one that I looked at was Peddle.

Ugh, I'm really sorry. Both about it taking so long and Info's clueless response. It does sound like it's for the best you're going to stop seeing her.

Are you seeing Visa again anytime soon? At least she would probably get what you're feeling right now.

In the meantime, post away on here if it helps. And hugs if wanted.

Thank you, Scarlet. I appreciate all of that.

Velcro, about the what to do with the car.... awhile back my son's truck broke down and he was just so done with it.... he didn't want anything more to do with it and just asked us to deal with it where it sat. So we had it towed to the shop we use, and when we found out it would cost more to fix than it was worth our mechanic offered to sell it for us. He was able to sell it to a guy for parts for more than we would have gotten from a junk yard so that worked out well and is an option I will remember going forward for when my clunker of a car gets to that point.

@@ I'm sorry Info was so clueless and missed the point so completely. HUGS if you want them. You deserve a much better therapist. Kit

My head feels a little more clear today. I'm not feeling so confused about things. And I see Julieanne tonight.

Got my first sketchbox last night. It has a really cool calligraphy pen in it that I have been using since last night to make various designs and stuff. I really like it. I'm going to go to Michael's or Amazon and see if I can get another one so I can do two different colors at once.

That sounds neat, Kit!


I hope your session with Julieanne goes well.

That does sound cool! I also hope J is helpful.



There are so many neat sounding subscription boxes out there now that I am going to cancel my current one after I get this months and try a different one!

Funny aside today (from work). We use Microsoft Teams for stuff like our intra-team chat every day and today, for some strange reason, I am "unknown user" but I'm the only one who sees it like that, everyone else sees my name. So once again, Artie is "unknown only to herself"!

Accursed.

GREAT word. Not used enough.

Ironically, the plus side of the captioning was I missed nothing of the Senate President's opening remarks about how much this university embraces faculty governance and the administration listens, really listens.

It does not, of course.

Art, I think Scarlet's right. It seems like you're trying to go around the mountain instead of through it/over it.

And would swimming be an option instead of walking? The best exercise is the one that you like best, after all.

I actually saw her yesterday before the Senate met. I'm on an every-other-week schedule with her.

Info gave me a referral to someone. Problem 1, a referral from Info requires a grain of salt. Problem 2, the woman sounds a bit weird. She makes a big deal on her website about how she combines theology and psychology, a combination I can't envision working in general and definitely not for me. I don't mind theology, I just have no interest in it and also I refuse to discuss religious matters with therapists. Not because I'm not religious--I am, some of the time--I just don't see how a theological or religious approach would be helpful to me.

Also I agree with the goal of creating a therapeutic "safe space," but I don't think therapy is a "sacred safe space" the way this woman means it.

Plus there's a whole page on her website that argues that abusive marriages can be saved. I'm not going anywhere near that.

That referral drscription made me shudder.

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Just wow.

And again, ironic that the u admin listens.

I realize when someone says "feel better" they're trying to say "I hope you feel better." Right? But I still find it one of the most aggravating statements to have someone say at me.

I do want to swim.... absolutely but I hesitate to go to the gym because of how covid numbers have skyrocketed here with omicron. i know i'm vaxxed/boosted and stuff but a mask wouldn't be effective in the water. Maybe I'm being overly cautious I don't know but because I'm so tired from working so much, and not sleeping enough, I'm probably more vulnerable to the virus than I would be under more 'normal' whatever that is conditions.... so, I walk.

It's not that I don't enjoy walking, I do, I just don't feel like doing anything when I get off work in the evening.

I'm on the clock for another 5 minutes but I'm done today - I'm at 7.96 messages per hour today, so I'm happy with that. It would take them a couple minutes to assign me another message and I wouldn't be able to process it before I get off work anyway so I'm not even asking.

Oh no - i always thought of it as "you better start feeling better and quit bothering me about it." But come to think of it, i cant really remember anybody saying it to me.

It's a weird phrase. Like both a wish and a command at the same time.

Kind of like a hortatory subjunctive in Greek or Latin.

A hortatory subjunctive! Thats what i was going to say!

I could see you were struggling to find the right term. Happy to help out.

ATAT- I have no words of advice in your situation, but agree that Info is clueless and practically useless, at least around this subject. Just know I am reading and wish I could support you in the best way possible for you! (That sounds extremely corny, pardon me)

Thanks LT. I do have the title, which was another few weeks of massive stress in wondering if I was going to even get it, and then WHEN would I get it .
Huh, never would have thought of a mechanic to try and sell it! Thanks.

Part of the massive stress I feel is that this all happened yesterday, and I need to leave Friday morning w my license plates and my car sold.

Sounds more real than anything Info ever said.