Couch 235: Home State Advantage

Well they just added more overtime back to the already mandatory 50 hour weeks. Ugh. I may not be around here for awhile....

Yikes, Artie. That sounds like overkill rather than overtime. Wasn't the overtime supposed to end soon anyway?

HUGS, if wanted, @@ and HUGS if wanted, Artie

I'm considering doing a residential treatment program because my depression has been so bad and I am already on so many medications. But it would be 45 days which is super long. I've never been away from home for more than a week. And you can't have your phone or electronics with you so I'd have to show my Dad how to pay all my bills while I am away. Plus my work is freaking out a bit even though I told them nothing has been decided, I'm just letting you know I might need a LOA. (This is different from the accommodation I asked for, which it looks like I am not getting.) So I talked briefly with my Dad on the phone about it over lunch and he's like you have to do what's best for you. But I would be missing his birthday and a bunch of stuff. Plus I need like $8k which I can get just it will take a few days. $2k for the program and $6K to cover bills and stuff while I am away. It is probably more than enough but I would rather have too much available for my Dad to use to pay bills than not enough. I'm scared. But I am also scared of my depression.

Hugs, Kit. You need to do what seems right for you. Is there any way that insurance will cover part of it? Though with it being early in the year, you may still be working on the deductible (I know we are).

Are there any programs that are shorter? As 45 days does seem really long and seems like a big commitment. Is it possible that you could talk to someone who has done the program, to see what it's like and if it seems right for you?

Also, with the bills, assuming you have a checking or savings account and the bills can all be paid online, you should just be able to set that up yourself, using autopay via either your bank or the company where you're paying the bill (like credit card, car insurance, etc.). (I'm bad at remembering to pay bills, and H has ADHD, so we have pretty much everything set up for autopay.) Or you could at least schedule one or two payments ahead of time if you don't want to set it up for autopay in case you forget to turn it off.

$2,000 is my portion of the program. My insurance will cover the rest. But since I would miss three paychecks, I would need money to pay bills. I could get some reimbursed through the state but I wouldn't be able to file until I got home from the program and bills would obviously be due before then.


I didn't think of scheduling payments ahead of time. I do have a lot on Autopay but some I don't, or they don't offer that option. It would be a whole lot easier if I could just take my phone with me but they don't let you.


I just got off the intake call with them. The questions were pretty standard. I don't know yet that this is what I want to do. It seems really drastic. But then again, my depression feels really drastic. I talk to Julieanne tonight so I guess I will bring it up to her. And I will talk more to my parents tonight. I'm definitely stressed about it. I just don't know if I can do 45 days worth of groups and stuff.

Kit, sometimes I've thought to myself that getting away from your home/parents would do you good. I know that it would be scary, too. But I think it could ultimately be good for you.

Yeah it would definitely be scary.


I've stayed with friends, or I have stayed by myself at a friend's house when they went to China that was for three weeks but I went home for some of the meals and to see my family. I've never been away from my parents for 45 days. They couldn't even visit until the 3rd week and I guess that would depend on Covid protocols.


I had the intake with the place and now I guess I gotta wait for my admissions counselor to call me back to see what they say like if I am qualified to be there or not. Then I have a decision to make. It would be really hard that's for sure. But living with this depression is hard. It's like a quote I saw somewhere, maybe FB, "choose your hard."

If you haven't already, you should look into using FMLA in order to protect your job.

Thank you. I'm not covered by FMLA but I am covered by CFRA which is the CA one and is stricter than the federal one so my job would be protected if I choose to go on leave.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

You really aren't a problem and I hope you can believe that.

Could you get advice from an employment lawyer ?

Maybe it is time to start looking for another job.

I hope you get the call back soon.

ATAT -sorry you are dealing with this sort of stuff.

SK - take care of yourself. 45 days is not that long.

Well, living situation again. I'm really tired. It's really upsetting that the Person keeps blasting me to this friend who has helped me and her (only because I live with her) a lot. While being two-faced as heck.

Thinking my friend and I don't communicate since Person actually tried isolating me from my friends by claiming I scare them. I actually believed her until I asked a friend if she's (my friend) afraid of me, and my friend was disgusted and immediately cleared things up with me.

I'm very tired of her irritating threats about how other landlords or psych inpatient or psych shelter would be worse than her, because she's oh so very "good" and I should learn how fortunate I am.

I've already been given notice to move but she accused me of racking up the power bill passive-aggressively wanting me to foot the "difference" but gets mad if I do AND if I don't!

That's impossible since I did the math on my usage and it's really not me. Why I did the maths is because she'll later blow up at me in a verbal tirade which she'll later deny.

She then said I seem autistic and that most humans would find me weird, because I proved her wrong after how she tried to prove my math wrong like how I didn't get the correct kWh rate...I knew she'll nitpick so I had all the correct figures and sources. Which I said I can provide if she wants to see.

More personal attacks on me, on and on, they claims I scare her because I might get suicidal.

I actually have asked my social worker questions on inpatient and other stuff, and I've been fed a lot of misinformation by this Person.

Plus the bigotry is amazing. She's the one getting ridiculously upset I'm lgbtq or whatever when I never ever talk about it to her or anywhere near her. What the hell.

And the bragging about serious ethical violations like getting a friend working at a mental health clinic to open multiple people's confidential case files and give her information with no valid reason.

She's probably single with no close friends because she bashes everyone in her life. I pay my rent on time and have nothing to do with her being single, but she goes on wild assumptions and accusations.

Hugs to everyone.

Kit, , I wasn't able to keep up with all of your story, but staying away from your parents for a bit sounds like it might be a good idea, even if just to learn how to do that? For perspective, my aunt who is handicapped mentally used to live with my grandparents 24/7, until she transferred to assisted living eventually. I know that's not at all the same situation as what you're in, but eventually she learned how to advocate for herself more. She'll order what she wants in the restaurant instead of what her mom tells her to. I think spending time apart from your parents is healthy for your development. Although of course it can be hard for all kinds of different circumstances.

QM, I hope the people in your life affected by what she says or does are as confident as I think most on here are that you're not the one out of control. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

Thanks, CNS.


I do agree that there would be some upsides to the program (not sure if I am accepted yet but I think I am going to decline anyway). I can cook and clean and do laundry and I work and drive myself to appointments so my T says I am doing okay on the taking care of oneself end of things. I am terrified of being away from my parents for 45 days though and this might be a big factor in why I probably won't do the program (if they even accept me) and the other part is my job would hire a temporary bookkeeper type person and I'm afraid that they will end up liking that person more and getting rid of me. So I'm like, ACK! Gotta protect my job even though technically it should be protected under CFRA, still you know how people get around that. I'm going to meet with my Pastor's wife tonight to talk over everything and she is someone that I really trust and I think she will give me good advice. If I had to say yes or no right this moment I would say no. But I wouldn't mind getting her advice on it. I read some reviews online and I know people mostly complain online so I'm not surprised by the number of 1 star reviews but some of it just sounded horrible. My T thinks if I need stabilization that IP would be better.


For now, what we have worked out is that I will take next week off of work. I will keep a schedule kind of like if I was IP. And I will do things that bring me joy, like paint, read, watch mysteries, do calligraphy, etc. My Dad said maybe we will go to the beach one of the days and that would be nice. He also planned an outing for Saturday to go to the theater which I am looking forward to. And my T is going to check in by phone and by text with me every day or most days.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with all that, QM...

Kit, I hope the pastor's wife is helpful.

Would you have to decide right now about the program? Or is it a thing where you could give it some thought, then, say, if you aren't feeling better by the end of this month, maybe give it a try?

Though I'd be concerned about a bunch of negative reviews, too. I think people either tend to post really positive or really negative. If it's mostly really negative, that could be a bad sign... I think it would also depend on what they said, if they gave specifics.

Hi LT

I don't think I have to decide right away. I want to try the week off work first and see if that helps especially because my depression feels lighter today and I haven't had to use more than 2 anxiety pills yesterday and today so that means my anxiety is getting better. Plus they won't let you use any Benzo's or Vyvanse and I take both of those so I'm like crap. They said that they have other things that they can give you but I know coming off of the Vyvanse would suck majorly. If I miss a dose I start feeling really sick. So there is definitely some negatives.


Yeah there were some positive reviews but a lot of negative reviews which didn't surprise me but some of the rules sound really bad. And I would have very little contact with my family. Nothing for 72 hours. Then I could "earn" 5 minute phone call per day. I'm like what? Then after three to four weeks my parents could visit. I'm like what? They came every day when I was IP. It kind of sounds like jail.

So, I think I mentioned this on the Couch, but on Monday, in the last minute or so of the session, Dr. T said how he'd be out on Monday the 21st, which is a couple days before a meeting about D's individualized education plan that I'm really stressed about (and that we'd been talking about a bunch lately). I got really emotional (like sobbing) when he said that. I emailed him after asking if we could meet both Tuesday (day before that meeting) and Wednesday (after that meeting), and he said we could, adding "I'm flexible to meet your needs."

Today he said he realized he'd made a mistake in sharing that with me at the end of session, as he knows how disruptions to our work affect me, especially with me being anxious about the upcoming meeting. That he should have waited to tell me until the beginning of today's session so we could have talked about it. I said I understood he wanted to tell me sooner than later, but he said he still shouldn't have done that at the end of the session. And I agreed.

I was pleasantly surprised and actually rather impressed by his self-awareness and admission of having made a mistake (and without my specifically calling him on it, though maybe my emotional reaction and email told him). Of course, it would have been better if he'd realized it before he said something Monday, but his admitting his error made me feel better about my strong reaction (which I'd felt a bit embarrassed about, as it's just one day, though one day in a very stressful week).

HUGS LT. I'm glad Dr T could admit he made a mistake. That makes T's more real....more human, less imaginary. I'm glad you took it well. I'm sorry you had such a bad reaction to the news though but totally glad he is willing to support you and meet your needs. HUGS Kit

Glad you're feeling a bit better! The idea of having to stop two medications you're on now when you get there sounds really stressful. Is it just because they're controlled substances? (I think Vyvanse is? I've been researching ADHD meds quite a bit because of my D.) I wonder if it would be better to try to switch medications before you went possibly, if you still wanted to go? Or at least to taper down on the Vyvanse so it isn't cold turkey.

The whole "earning" phone time would definitely bother me. Honestly, the lack of visiting sounds more like a drug rehabilitation center, at least based on what I've seen from shows like Intervention, where they want the person to be distanced from potential negative influences and focus on recovery. Though maybe the idea is just that you focus on yourself, not others in your life? But still...

Your current plan sounds like a good one.

Thanks LT.


It is not a drug rehab but it says it is for acute mental health disorders like schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorders as well as depression and bipolar. I just don't see how taking away support people is a good thing. One thing with IOP is that they wanted as much of my established support people involved and then add to it. Not take everything away. I think I am bothered by the whole approach. I do feel a bit better today. Two coworkers checked on me. (I guess it shows that I'm unwell.) But one of them was like, are you planning a nervous breakdown? I was like no I am planning on preventing one! He was just joking but it was only semi-funny. I sent the residential treatment place my medical records that they wanted and I still haven't heard back so it may be moot anyway. I might not even be accepted because I might have too many physical problems. IDK. I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other and take it one moment at a time. Thanks for the support. HUGS Kit.


PS Yes Vyvanse and Xanax are controlled substances.