Couch 235: Home State Advantage

My t used to call that "exercising your emotional muscle." Which makes it stronger.

But the expression just made me giggle. I have no couth!

Ugh. My Grandma is developing dementia and had a natural gas leak in her house yesterday and didn't know it until a friend of hers stopped by and got her out. My uncle called and asked if I would consider moving in with her to help her out.

Of course I would, but that would involve another cross country move back to the Midwest. And I am locked in my lease until September. Decisions. Decisions. It would also be a lot of responsibility because my uncle is also developing dementia.

HUGS Polibeth. That sounds like a very difficult place to be in. Sending you strength and warm vibes.

I'm sorry, Polibeth. That seems very difficult to deal with plus a big decision. Is there any other family near her that could help out between now and September, if you did decide to move? Or would some sort of home health worker be a possibility? Or assisted living/memory care facility?

I want to report about the medical data leak but I don't have proof. I didn't manage to record her bragging.

She's smart (always bragging about gifted IQ) and says the right supportive words to people, but is a complete two-faced bleep afterwards behind their backs.

If any of you remember me writing about a relational trauma where I almost went inpatient...She's sharing information about me to the people involved.

She also gets her mental health worker friend -- (whom she has trashed behind her back to me tons of times, like everyone in her life or after they leave her life...) -- to "check in" on me, out of "concern" WITHOUT my consent.

When I asked that (mental health) person what kind of "check in" she's been asked to do, I "negotiated" (I've trauma over monitoring) that we just connect as 2 friends... Immediately Person messaged me to slam me (ALL very manipulative as "concern") for my mistrust and accused me of driving away all my friends.

Which she's proven to have lied to me about. And so much more stuff about endless double binds and using my trauma responses to basically exhort money from me for "help" I was never asked and never consented to.

Discrediting me to whoever that I'm mentally ill with my CPTSD and DID, though she has those same diagnoses and a huge side dish of delusional beliefs. Using my amnesia against me, and other stuff. Claiming I said xyz, amd that I contradict myself. But she denies all contradictions she does, even when I've external corroboration from others!

I'm visibly mentally ill, and while I know my medical providers (who know what to look out for) and social workers don't judge seeing me this way...it's obvious to non medical officials I approach for help with public transport costs, interim financial assistance, help for my psychiatric and endocrinology care...and THAT is really scary for me.

I'm supposed to be covert so for me to get so visibly confused, anxious, incoherent... that's bad, especially given the stigma.

A lot more unethical things with her therapist and another client whom I happen to know, all of which are extremely unethical.

I've needed pest traps in my current place, and I had to throw out an expensive floor chair I bought due to a cat peeing on it. Tried all the ways to clean, including enzyme cleaner. I've had more stuff affected by cat pee too. She'll say I damaged an extension strip in the kitchen and scorded the stove once... can that beat the cost of my chair?

The kitchen is a cluttered mess, the knives are dull and low quality, and she doesn't sanitise dishcloths or sponges etc so they stink. I've even bought replacements like knives and general household consumables.

She steals my canned food and instant food (among other non food items), then says I'm "wasting food" because I left them in the kitchen for "a long time". But I'm supposed to leave them there? And they're shelf stable and mine.

Then she tells me I'm a problem tenant and should be institutionalised or go psych inpatient so I can experience how fortunate I am. Or go to another landlord and see how great she is. Says her previous tenants all found her amazing but they're ALL foreign workers with little legal rights.

And in my rental search, I've come across picky landlords yes, but also good ones. It's a 2-way street. Cultural taboos mean I get rejected for being a local who isn't married and who isn't living with my parents.

I'll be so glad when I move out. I lucked into a property agent in my search and the new place is SO much better in terms of furniture quality everywhere and general maintenance. The landlady is easy going, has a huge family all living elsewhere.

I literally have a safety plan all around my current landlady, and am trying to see if friends can help me move. Or at least be with me if I hire a moving service because I'm scared. She's definitely going to be a former friend now...

Oh QM! I'm so happy you found a new place! You don't deserve what your "friend"/roommate is putting you through. I hope this new place is so much better! You deserve better.

QM, also very happy for you that you found a new place! What's happened to you where you are now sounds so awful... Do you know how soon you can move?

Yup, I know when I move.

Less than a couple of hours ago, my soon-to-be former landlady started crap again. Mid angry rant about what a problem/burden I am (she's the one trying to isolate me from friends), I said I'm moving and when. She still went on ranting, just again in the direction of how she's the best landlord I'll ever have.

I'm very glad I never ever sought mental health services at the place where she has that person leaking information.

As for if I'll report...I don't have protections or proof. I'm not keen on being smeared everywhere I go, and I'm not kidding on her social capital where she's seen as such a do-gooder except for those fellow locals who have the pleasure of living with her.

Foreign workers have less legal rights, and of course they'll lie to keep themselves safe until they can move out too. Or even if they're not lying...they're not her friend. There isn't the dual relationship.

My almost 14 year old cat escaped at 2 am, and still hasn’t returned. He is indoor only, and I am devastated. I don’t know what I will do if he doesn’t come back.

Luckily Gram has a nephew she is close too, along with my uncle, and several dear friends. I think she'll be ok until September with people looking in on her. Its weird because when I decided to leave ex-husband I was either going to move South to live near Dad or go north to live near Grandma. I decided to move south - now I wish I had just moved north. At least I got to enjoy one warm winter!

I'm so sorry. I've heard that putting their litter box outside on the porch (or somewhere near there) can attract them back to their home. I hope you get him safely back.

Thanks Polibeth-I did that, as well as food and a blanket he uses. So far, no luck

So Visa sent me a check-in message earlier today on her patient portal. Ironically, I only saw it because I logged into to check the two hospitals she suggested I try if I felt I needed to go to the hospital. So I don’t think I’m going to answer just now.

Would it be weird to buy 7 boxes of breakfast cereal because I can't decide which variety sounds better? That's how many I just put in my online shopping cart.

I wonder if this sudden desire for all the breakfast cereals is somehow related to me considering cancelling all my therapy sessions this upcoming week because I want to just be alone. Or because I'm feeling petty and passive aggressive towards my therapist at the moment. Or because domestic violence allegations against a player on the soccer team I follow came out this week and have been triggering to me. I think it's probably the therapist issues, but who knows. I'm feeling more depressed than usual and struggling with suicidal ideation lately, but right now I just don't want to go talk to him.

Maybe she can provide more emotional support than you initially thought? I hope you're feeling better.

UK peeps, what's your breakfast cereal situation like?

Do you have things similar to Froot Loops, Apple Jacks, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Cheerios?

Hi NP,

Interesting question - we definitely have Cheerios, and it is possible to get Froot Loops in the import section of some supermarkets. Apple Jacks and Cinnamon Toast Crunch don't have equivalents here, although you can get apple and cinnamon flavoured cereal and Golden Grahams here.

Just have a minute before I start work but wanted to say hi and send out hugs to all who need/want and head nods as appropriate.

You can find all of that here. There's a few American sweet stores on Oxford street or you can order online. Never tried anything from your list minus cheerios.

I just go for a coffee and toast.

Maybe it's all of the above and you want comfort from the cereal? Nothing wrong with that. Why not buy 7 to try them out? Could always donate if they were unopened.

I think P dragging out his leaving process has been hard for you and it's not petty to not want to go and just be alone sometimes. Is there any other T you could consider to helping you right now ?

Hope you find your cat soon.

Any cat updates, Velcro?

I really really hope your cat returns

The dragging out process continues still, but the end is coming. Starting May 9th we have to drop to once a week because he has to work in a clinic in another state during the week. After that, who knows what will happen. When all this started, he said it was 50/50 he might just keep being a therapist when he finished his program. He's now told me that he's 100% going to change careers and the only way he'll be staying local is if the state just north of ours passes a bill to allow psychologists to prescribe, but I doubt the bill will pass soon enough for him to stay.

Because of this conversation, I feel like he just doesn't like being a therapist and I'm having a hard time separating that from he doesn't like being my therapist. I don't know how much that feeling has colored my perception, but it felt like he didn't want to be there this week. One session he was really restless, more so towards the end. Like he was moving a lot and at one point went to grab what I think was his phone, but stopped himself. I asked if he wanted me to leave early and that he seemed restless. He told me he was sore from a long run the day before, but that we were almost out of time and gave his wrapping up "see you on Friday at 3" spiel. We still had a few minutes left. I didn't expect him to take me up on leaving early. Then on Friday he wrapped it up early again. Just by a few minutes. Which is why I feel I'm being petty by feeling upset by this.

I just don't feel up to talking about any of this with him. I sent him an email this morning telling him I wanted to cancel next week's sessions. I haven't heard anything back from him.

You're not being petty, NP. It's your session time.