Couch 235: Home State Advantage

We have Girl Guides and havent known them to sell cookies but the main fundraising drive thing here is a sausage sizzle at a hardware chain for $1 you get a sausage on a slice of bread with onions and a selection of sauces and mustard to choose from. The Girl Guides and Boy Scouts where i live do this.

I had to buy a pizza after all the pizza talk and i ate half of it one sitting which is unsual as my limit before feeling full is 2 slices.

Girl scouts (or boy scouts) don't sell anything here. My impression always was that scouts in the US is a bit more focused on "helping others" than here, here it's only about learning to live/be outdoors.

However, each kid in primary school is forced at least once to sell a box of chocolate coins. I hated that and managed to sell every single one to people I already knew... it's like 100 coins or something, it sucked.

Atat, I agree with Scarlet, maybe slowing going to less sessions until March would be an option? If you feel like that, if you think you'd not want to go back to her if you terminate right now anyways and don't think there's any use in going more, the ending can of course also be quicker...

See, here's the thing. Info doesn't do "work." We're not working on anything. When I've tried to, she's been useless and her inability to remember much of anything means we always start back at square one (it's like a movie, "50 First Sessions"). So mostly I use her for emotional support. Which I currently feel I can get a better quality of elsewhere from non-therapists.

I'm not opposed to a longer goodbye, if I know there's going to be an endpoint anyway and I won't get sucked back in, but I'll just be using sessions to rant about whatever, probably ableism these days.

Okay, that made me smile because my T does tell me I've a snarky mode. With a particular voice too.

One time, she wrote up a session summary (when my amnesia is high, I ask her for one) "Snarky mode came to visit today and this is ok because we talked, we processed and we didn't blow up at each other."

I find it funny because I joke about her stoic face, and her about my snark, but not everyone would like that, definitely.

@@, I think if it would be useful for you in any way, that continuing until she retires would not be a bad thing, and like others were thinking you could go less frequently or something. I totally get it about not wanting to get 'sucked back in'. I had that problem endlessly with L.

So having L's voice in my head proved to be a useful thing early-early this morning. See, last night after I got the pizza home (and I bought a brownie thing too oops) I proceeded to eat 3.5 pieces of the veggie pizza and a piece of the brownie, and drank 2 glasses of wine. It was all very delicious. At like 2 am I woke up and started to feel guilty about eating more than I'd intended to and immediately heard L in my head say "So you had a pity party. You'll get back on the horse tomorrow." That was helpful, I went right back to sleep without going into a guilt spiral and staring at the ceiling for an hour. And this morning as my tea was brewing, I packed up the rest of my pizza and stuck it in the freezer so I won't be over-eating it today again.

I had a dream last night (after I went back to sleep) that made me laugh as I was writing it down. In the dream H and I are in Hawaii at a topless beach, and I'm not embarrassed in the slightest about wearing only a hula-skirt thing haha. We're in line to go down some water slide thing that goes through a cave.


I woke up happy this morning.

@@, I agree that continuing to see Info, maybe less frequently, seems like a good idea for now. I suppose part of the question would be whether you'd want to continue once she went to virtual only. Or maybe just have her sort of "on call" to see if you're having a particularly challenging time.

Our school district is shutting down Wed-Fri due to this staffing shortage nightmare. Smart move. Hopefully those 5 days will give staff a chance to recover and return. Cases "should" (???) be starting to go down soon, but right now it's ridiculous. They've tried other things before this to cover the staff shortages, but it just was not sustainable.

They are wily. The only thing I ever found either of them useful for was ranting about my person's illness and the idiocy around it. Neither of them had to do anything but sit there and shut up. But otherwise I would not have wanted to hand them money.

I just had the oddest experience. A phone scammer somehow got through T-mobile's scam shield and was trying to convince me I had won $2.5 million from Publisher's Clearing House. (A quick Google search confirmed this was a scam.) I was playing along, trying to get enough information to report him to the police or whomever.

He asked me whether I wanted the delivery of my massive prize and brand new Mercedes Benz to be private or did I want it to be public and possibly broadcast to "all of the whole United States." I said I've got nothing to hide, let's make it public.

Then he asked me if I was really interested in receiving the prize, I assured him I was excited about it, and he said he didn't have time to waste and hung up on me!

You win some, you lose some.

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That made me smile too, remembering my inner petulant teenager (we started calling her "15") that would sometimes come out during a session and I would stomp my feet at something L had said that I didn't particularly want to hear.

I'm glad they're doing the smart thing, Artley.

This seems like the kind of thing a therapist should do in person, not via email. Especially for longer term clients. I'd be irked if mine did this.

Pretty sure by now that this is not the sort of thing Info thinks about.

Good point. I think I would be too.

I'd be beyond irked. Well, it would veer more in the direction of feeling abandoned. I understand why a formal letter would need to be sent out, but I think T's should inform clients during their session first (an exception would be if, say, the client only attended monthly, and the retirement was more of an urgent thing due to medical reasons).

Shoot, if I'm brutally honest with myself I see that part of me even still expects that L would let me know in a more personal way if she decides to retire even though I'm not seeing her anymore, just because of how long I was her client.

So I'm looking for a new pattern to make for the random acts of crochet kindness thing. The facebook group has a bunch of different patterns posted so I think I'm going to use one of the heart patterns on there, for valentines day. I'll probably start working on them after work today. Crocheting especially with a purpose like this is very relaxing for me and has been really helpful during this stressful month. Heck, I didn't drink wine anywhere near as often as I think I did last January!

@@ about the info thing. First I would be disappointed in her for not telling me in person or on Zoom or however you are usually seeing her right now (sorry can't remember if you are in person or online).


But, I would probably continue seeing her, knowing that it was for a limited time and because she is at least someone you can rant to about the ableism you are facing that seems horribly difficult. And selfishly I like the info fashion reports!


But, you wouldn't have to see her the whole rest of the year if things at your school improve dramatically or you take one of those other positions where things might be better for you. But as long as you are fighting the ableism at your school and you have info to rant at, I'd take advantage of the situation and keep seeing her.


Agreed. They are wily though.

Wishing you the best, whatever you decide! HUGS if wanted, Kit

Julieanne has covid!


We were supposed to meet yesterday (via Zoom) and she rescheduled me to today. I don't know how one day is supposed to help but she does say (via text) that she is feeling better today. I guess she was sick all weekend, so maybe it is coming to it's natural end anyway.


I told her that it is okay with me if she needs to self care and reschedule. I'm not actively in crisis and I think it is important that therapists model self care. I'm not like despondent over losing the session or anything because I am not in that big of a hole at the moment. So she said she appreciated my concern and at the moment she is feeling better but if she deteriorates she will let me know. So I am trying to take her at face value and trust her to be honest with me--knowing that I expect her to self care if she is sick.


I think this is part of that "growing trust" in her that I am trying to cultivate. I am trusting her to make good decisions for herself and her health, as well as weighing the risks to her client. But I am also trusting her to trust me that when I say, I'm okay right now, I AM indeed okay right now. I don't want her to feel like she is beholden to me to have a session just because we scheduled one.


Self care is something that I have struggled with and am getting better at so it is important to me that mentors, therapists, people I look up to, etc, model this behavior for me. If it is okay for them, it is okay for me. That is how I think of it.

If we do have a session, I plan on telling her that I think I am in a clinical depression cycle at the moment, although I am pleased that I am not having any suicidal ideation. And to talk to her about today being my 2 year anniversary of the mental hospital and the horror that was and how I have grown since then. And what I still need to work on. So at least I have a plan for the session even if we don't have a session.


HUGS to anyone who wants one, Kit

Maybe you could also make blankets then donate them?

Hugs, Kit. Sorry your T has Covid. I think it's good that you're trying to trust that she can take care of herself. You've let her know where you are right now, so she can make a decision on whether to meet with you or not. If you do meet, I hope your session goes well.