What do you hate??

Is there any favoured expression your T uses with you that you cannot stand? It could be a particular word or cliché response you wish they would forevermore banish from their vocabulary!

With my T, it's something he used to say at times as a goodbye, before the pandemic. He had a whole collection of phrases that I swear he just pulled at random. Some were fine, like "Good luck out there" was oddly charming.

But sometimes he would just say, "Enjoy!" And it was completely disconnected from the session, like I could have been talking about how horribly depressed I am or about dreading something that was coming up in the next week, and his parting words would be, "Enjoy!" (I did talk to him about this a couple times, but he said once that he doesn't think about what he says at the end, and another time, he said he thinks it can be good to part on a hopeful note.)

One small positive thing to come out of the pandemic is that he has stopped saying random parting words. He says things very tuned to the tone of the session or to what might be coming up. Like this past weekend was kind of rough, and at the end of session yesterday, he said, seeming very sincere, "I hope your next couple days are better." He's also specifically wished that a particular upcoming thing goes well. It feels like he's paying attention and reading the mood of the room (well, computer screen, as we've been virtual much of the time). Hopefully that element will stick when (if?) we resume in person.

For ex-marriage counselor, one immediately came to mind. I would talk about a fight H and I had, and he would just say, "But you got through it." I could talk about how hard it was or how it's an issue that comes up again and again--like, hm, maybe it's something we need to address more in depth? Or how awful I felt about some things that were said. But his emphasis would be on, "You got through it." Like, the marriage survived, I survived, H survived. I just never found it to be helpful, and I even cut him off a couple times when he started saying it, like "I know you're about to say, 'You got through it,' but that's not the point right now."

It's not exactly a phrase she says, but a habit she has of misgendering pets, including her own. Drives me nuts. I'm not really sure why. I guess I just don't understand how that happens when you know your own cat is a she. Or when I just referred to my dog as he and she immediately calls him she.

Also she spells loser as "looser." This happens when I say something about feeling like a loser. My head feels like it's going to explode when she responds that I am not a "looser." So then I respond to that, again spelling loser correctly hoping she will notice. But she doesn't and responds again with "looser." I know I'm being pedantic but it does take a lot for me to restrain myself on these sorts of occasions.

lol, the second thing would bother me too! Also, my dad is terrible at getting the gender of my cats right, so I have stopped correcting him.

In my country, most things have an inherent gender. Like dogs are referred to as male, cats as female. This does not just relate to living things, but all things. We also have a neutral gender, but most things have a clear gender, so referring to a dog as male may be correct, even if it is a female dog. Just a random thought, but does your T perhaps have roots in a different culture?

I would loose my everloving mind. 😂 No I would. This would drive me nuts. You’re a champ.

Oh my gosh, yes, LT. My T would do that as well. Session where you touch the depths of Hades and T would end with such an inane reply. Complete misattunement. Always leaves me bemused (amongst other feelings!)

Lol, susannahsays. It's funny to read but yes, *that* would be infuriating to experience. How resistant to learning can you be, T?!

I wouldn't call that being pedantic. I mean c'mon he/she, what a looser*?

*Oh, Favorite Jeans beat me to it

Not a phrase, but when she reads things I bring in, she makes these sympathy sounds… and they tend to sound forced and inauthentic. But otherwise, she’s wonderful.

Not a phrase, but I hate when she uses the word ‘patient.’ I want to say ‘you are not a doctor, I am not sick. I am your client.’

Awesome T has two… one thankfully has been contained to his voicemail (so I never call it lol) and that one is “you make it a great day”. Oh it irritates the crap out of me. I am calling you in a crisis and you expect me to somehow make the day great?!?! Then his other on is “right here, right now, life is good”.

'You probably get tired of me saying this, but...'

No, I don't. I need as much incentive as possible to treat myself better.

Oh Omers, I would also really struggle hearing such platitudes... *shudders*

I can't think of phrases that bother me or that I hate. Now there are many words she says that make me cringe: pleasure, trauma, etc. Pleasure is a hard topic for me. It makes me uncomfortable. And the word trauma is hard because I'm not sure if that word applies to me. There's also a few sex words, one of which is a slang, and it's like nails on a chalkboard when I hear it.

Eta: the word nurture! Feels embarrassing to me.

No, she has no connection to a different culture. She's actually not even the only American I know who does this.

Tbh, I would probably still be bothered even if she had roots in another culture. If we were just talking about a generic cat or dog or an animal she doesn't know the sex of, ok, but not when we are speaking of a specific cat or dog whose sex she has been told repeatedly. I'm not familiar with a ton of languages, but the ones I am familiar with that use 2 or 3 gendered articles for nouns wouldn't, for example, refer to me as he just because human is masculine and I am human.

"You take care of yourself, girl."
Come on. I'm not a little girl, I'm not girly, and I want to die (because I followed the advice of the NP at your CMHC) not take care of myself. She says it so optimistically too. Like I'm not going to immediately do something self damaging after logging off.

Just thought of this, or when I'm manic/hypersexual, yeah, I WILL "take care of myself."

This rings a bell! Is English not her first language? I misgender pets and animals because in my other two languages everything has specific gender (grammatically, not biologically). I also occasionally misspell “looser” v “loser”. Hahah

English is her first language.

See above for my response to AliceKate bringing this up.

Out of curiosity, do you use pronouns that match the gender of people when referring to them, or do you use the pronoun matching the gender of person (or some other category)? If you refer to women using feminine pronouns, is because a woman is female or because "woman" is feminine? Is it ever considered grammatically correct to refer to a woman, who is known to be a woman, using masculine pronouns? Maybe it is, I really don't know.

I can see how people with first languages as you describe would default to using the pronoun matching the gender of the noun. I have more trouble understanding why the gender of a noun would take precedence over an animal's sex, when it is known. And to be clear, the sentences don't even make use of the words "dog" or "cat" most of the time, but the animal's name.

I think this may come down to me disliking when animals are spoken of essentially as if they are all the same and that their specific features are of no consequence. That's how it feels when she repeatedly uses the wrong pronouns. But like I said, English is her first language, so there's really no excuse.

With Ex T, the word 'best wishes' at the end of her communication used to drive me nuts (though I am kind of ok with that one now, strangely!) Also, the word 'amazing' was the only word it ever seemed she was capable of using to describe me. It used to make me wonder whether she had any positive thoughts about me at all, if that was the only word she could come up with. I guess I still do wonder that sometimes!

Regarding the first paragraph, in my language (German), it is not acceptable to call a woman a man under any circumstances (unless she feels it is appropriate of course). However, in some european languages, such as Hungarian, if you were to travel with 30 woman and there is one man in the group, they are referred to as male, if I recall correctly. Still, a single woman is never adressed as male.

Regarding the second paragraph, I think you said you've told your T this annoys you. Perhaps if you mention it again a little more bluntly, it might help. Or if you prefer playing it nice, you could tell her how you chatted to some people about the subject and found it very difficult to understand how anyone could call a male animal a female animal or vice versa. Rant about it a bit? Maybe she'll get the point without losing face.

I guess I am somewhere between irritation and laughter when I have to finish a session for T. The first few sessions, he finished them on the dot, but right now, he seems willing to let me talk until I'm done, so I've ended up finishing it for him twice now, almost on the dot. I wonder why he does that. I feel he's just trying things out to see how I will react, which generally is a good thing, because getting to know me is kind of his job.
With xT, she sometimes did longer sessions and sometimes shorter ones and it irritated me quite a bit, but I never said anything.

My T signs her emails off with the word Best. So her emails will look like:

Email

Best

T's name

I don't know why but it just really annoys me for some reason. It also kind of rubs me the wrong way that she keeps assuming I'm going to face discrimnation and rude people when I go back to work.

Ah! Signatures. Every since I shared some of my threads with L, she has started using the same abbreviations. For example, when referring to herself, she write "L"...lol. I think it's cute. However, I hate it when she signs her emails with both her first name and last name initial. I just want to scream! I do not ever address her by her last name. I hate it when she does it.

So far my current T doesn’t do or say too many things that I hate. My ex-t was pretty good but over 10 yrs there were a couple that rubbed me the wrong way.

One was that she insisted on using my full name which almost no one does. I don’t sign my emails that way, I don’t introduce myself that way, it just feels weird. In fairness, I don’t think I ever specifically asked her not to. Probably bc she mostly used my name in emails and then I wasn’t thinking about it when we saw each other.

The other was that she said on at least 4 separate occasions that “it is not your child’s job to make you feel like a good parent.” Each time she delivered it like it was some grand piece of wisdom. And each time I experienced it as condescending and judgemental. Like really, what she’d taken from an entire anecdote about me being ready to tear my hair out over some seeming nightmare with my kid boiled down to me feeing narcissistically slighted over his failure to validate me? And I never told her to STFU because I didn’t want to be defensive and wanted to remain open to the possibility that maybe I was using him to validate me? Because obviously I don’t want to do that to my kids.

Anyway. Those are two things I hated.

I can’t think of a situation when a woman would be described as “he”. It’s always “she”.

If I know gender of a dog, I’d use correct pronoun but I can’t guarantee it, I am sure I’d make a mistake .

If I don’t know gender of a dog I’d use “she” in one of my languages and “he” in the other and I am not sure what’d I’d say in English if i didn’t know the gender. Probably “he” because the word “dog” sounds masculine to me.

Honestly none of that is that deep, it’s a language construct/complex grammar rather than deep concept of respecting animals.

Anyways none of it applies here as she is a native speaker