Couch 236: NY PS Langston Hughes

I'm so sorry you are going through this @@. My thoughts are with you and your mom.

Hugs, Velcro. I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I hope the stabilization center helps, if you end up doing the intake. Do you know how long you'd likely be there?

Going to my first concert since the pandemic tonight. It's indoors at a relatively small venue, not sold out. I've sold my tickets to two other shows this year, plus had one postponed to September. Even though numbers aren't so good in my area right now, I think it's time. Though I intend to wear a mask for all of it. The venue isn't requiring it anymore, but this particular band is requiring proof of vaccination (even though that really doesn't matter for transmission anymore).

On an amusing note, I told Dr. T how when I bought these tickets, I was hoping I would feel I could be my usual self at a concert, standing in the front row going "woooo!" (But don't feel I can be tonight.) He said, "So...you're somewhat unrestrained at concerts then?" Me: "I guess so, yeah." Dr. T: "I've learned two things about you recently: That you tend to be late to non-therapy things and that you have times when you're unrestrained." Me: "In some ways, you know more about me than most anyone else. But then there are other sides to me that you just never see."

I hope you have a fabulous time, LT. Much fun can be had, even if you're not in the front row going 'Woooo!'

I thought my PCP appointment went pretty well, we talked about my Disney World trip that I took last November (since our last appointment was 10 days before I left) and he told me that he went last February and kept telling me about a "Mission to Mars" ride at Epcot and I kept thinking he was talking about the ride at Magic Kingdom that closed back in 1993, but he actually meant the "Mission Space" ride (although I didn't figure that out until after I got home).

2 weeks from today I have my first in-person appointment with my Psychiatrist.

LOL, thanks, Lost!

My pleasure. When I try to express enthusiasm through "Woo!" it ends up sounding like a confused ghost.

Two weeks. I probably SHOULD go, but I've been before and I just don't know if it'll help. It won't help with my grief. It isn't like two weeks will be a magical cure. Maybe it'll help with SI, I don't know.

But the thought of being alone in a room and crying with strangers around...at least at home I have my other cats and my own bed. My therapist thinks I need to get away from my house and all the memories, but I don't know.

I really need a new psychiatrist, but the thought of going through a list on my insurance is daunting. butttt my last bill (for 3 appts) was $450!!!! eeek.

You know what I can’t get over? How the news has been bad at every step. Sudden kidney failure, it’s caused by something rare, only treatments are experimental.

And fast. So, so fast.

Hugs if wanted

Sending love.

Not the same as losing a beloved cat, for me the relationship loss I faced, I didn't want to go inpatient.

Having my favourite cat (sadly his human parent started abusing me, so I had to say goodbye) and my own bed helped.

Did your T tell you exactly why she wants you to go? What her safety concerns are?

The concert last night was great! Turned out that the artist required that the audience wear masks, so that made me feel much safer. I still stood at the back, but it's a fairly small venue, so I wasn't that far from the stage. (And I just did my "whoo"-ing from there.)

Near the end, they played a song that has particular meaning to me (and that I've quoted to Dr. T before), so I got a bit emotional then, but in a good way. I'm really glad I went.

I took a state insurance test today but I didn't pass, missed by about 11 questions. I came in thinking that most (if not all) of the questions would be the same questions I saw on the simulated exam. That ended up not being the case, a few questions were the same but most weren't. I have to decide now on if I want to try to take it again.

Sorry you didn't pass. Are there study guides and/or classes for it? Could be worth it to give it another try if it will help you get a job you'd want.

I did a lot of exam simulations but most of the questions on the exam weren't the same questions. I'm also not sure how much I really want this job anyway.

Ah, OK, well if you're unsure about wanting the job, might not be worth the time, stress, and (I assume) expense then!

This time it was free, I'm not sure if I have to pay next time or not.

I'm so so sorry.
Thanks, QM. Yeah, I know why she wants me to go. I decided to do it, and am going Thursday. Sigh.

Sending all the hugs, should you want some.

I hope it's helpful to you.

HUGS velcro003

T basically said she was proud of me last night. She also said that if something happened to her, she knew I would be alright because I use my coping skills (well mostly). I think she is coming in on the end of my healing journey, though some stuff that's involved with my DX will never be healed, it can just be managed. She thought I was dealing well with the hallucinations. I guess even knowing that they were hallucinations was a good starting point. We have been doing Zoom, but Zoom changed its stupid rules and now if you have 2 people in the conversation it can only last 40 minutes so we did 40 minutes of Zoom and then she called me for the remaining 15 minutes. Her daughter is moving to my town, well hopefully. I mean, escrow hasn't closed but the offer has been accepted and such so she said maybe we could meet in person sometime. I said that would be nice. (I think it would be nice. I'm not sure.)

I upgraded to Zoom Pro so hopefully that 40 minute thing won't happen. Does anyone know if both people have to have Zoom Pro or if the other person can have Zoom basic? I'm trying to figure it out so I can tell my T if she needs to upgrade to Zoom Pro. I always set up the Zoom because she doesn't know how so I think it should be okay as long as I have it. I also use Zoom to teach on Saturdays (a religious class) so I will need it anyway.

I think you might need to be the one running the meeting?