[East17]

My Ex-T's profile page disappeared from the therapy directory website. I had wondered why it was still up there when I knew she'd given up working, but it was kind of nice still seeing her picture there. Then I found out last night that she recently died.
I am gutted, feel so sad, but like I don't really have the right to be grieving for her.

RIP J xx

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[Favorite Jeans]

Of course you have the right to grieve for her. I’m sorry East.

[ElectricManatee]

I'm so sorry, East. You have every right to grieve for her. The therapeutic relationship can be a wonderful, special thing, and I know you cared about her a lot. My ex-T died several years after I moved away and her death still hit me really hard. It's particularly tough when you don't have the ability to reminisce with mutual friends because of the nature of the relationship. That can be a lonely feeling. Take the time you need to feel your feelings, and keep posting here if it's helpful.

[LonesomeTonight]

I'm sorry for your loss. I agree that you definitely have the right to grieve.

[ArtieTheSequal]

I agree with the others that of course you have the right to grieve. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Hugs if wanted.

[RoxanneToto]

You have the right to grieve, of course you do - she was still another person and meant something to you.

[Jesla]

Im really sorry. I would be devastated.

[East17]

I started mourning the loss of ex-T over a year ago, when she first told me she was terminally ill. She stopped working and I never expected to hear from her again. Three months later she got in touch to say she was going to re-start limited client work and we resumed working together.

After a few months she told me she was retiring for good this time, as it was taking too much out of her to support other people when she wasn't feeling well herself. I had to go through the heartache of losing her all over again. We kept in touch on and off, the last time I heard from her was Christmas.

I emailed her a couple of weeks ago and didn't receive a reply which was unusual. So I sent a WhatsApp message, which there was also no reply to. Knowing something wasn't right, I did an internet search and came across her funeral notice, she died early February. So I feel like I'm grieving her loss a 3rd time, except this time it's for good and I know she isn't around anymore. I wish I'd had the courage to make contact again with her sooner.

It's so unfair that someone like her, who did so much for other people, who helped me more than I realised, get their life cut short through this terrible illness. While I'm still here, have no purpose or use in life and would have swapped with her in a heartbeat.

I feel distraught, and having to keep it all bottled up inside isn't helping. Thinking about it is consuming me. I've never had such a strong reaction to the death of someone who wasn't family.

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[Rive.]

She was there for you in a way family (or people in general) weren't. She was important to you. This absolutely gives you the 'right' to grieve for her.

[ElectricManatee]

For what it's worth, my former T and my father died in the same year, and I was much more distraught over my former T's death. Grief doesn't have to look like a certain thing. It just is.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

For what it's worth, my former T and my father died in the same year, and I was much more distraught over my former T's death. Grief doesn't have to look like a certain thing. It just is.

Agreed. I was distraught when I learned my then-current-marriage counselor's wife had passed away (she was in her late 40s). I had never even met her. Yet I didn't really cry when my beloved grandmother had passed a year or two before (though she had been declining for years, so I'd perhaps already grieved her).

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Your grief is as valid as anyone else's. I'm so sorry this has happened

A while ago now my T was rushed into hospital and was there for weeks. I didn't think she was going to make it. It was the worst grief I've ever felt. I couldn't talk to anyone apart from a friend online who was a lifesaver and totally understood how deep my grief went. I struggled not being able to share my pain and contact T's family, not to mention I couldn't tell anyone in my own IRL circle. Therapy grief is very real but it's a lonely kind of grief. Reach out to people here because we know how deep the relationship can go and how devastating it is when it ends.

[nottrustin]

When my therapist died it was the second hardest death I ever experienced. Allow yourself to grieve in whatever way you need to. They theraputic relationships can be very intimate (not in a sexual way). It is eve more painful because most people will not understand the relationship.

The death of mg therapist was one of the hardest things I have experienced. I was complicated by thr fact the people closest to me did not understand the closeness of our relationship or the extent of my grief.

[East17]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

When my therapist died it was the second hardest death I ever experienced. Allow yourself to grieve in whatever way you need to. They theraputic relationships can be very intimate (not in a sexual way). It is eve more painful because most people will not understand the relationship.


The death of mg therapist was one of the hardest things I have experienced. I was complicated by thr fact the people closest to me did not understand the closeness of our relationship or the extent of my grief.

Yes, exactly that! When I told my H I was so upset, the first time we stopped working together after she'd been diagnosed, his reaction was 'So? She's just your therapist.' Like I shouldn't care about her. Needless to say I haven't bothered to tell him she has died. I couldn't handle the invalidating comments right now.

I emailed her son (who is also a therapist) to give him my condolences. I never really expected to hear back from him, but he replied almost straight away. He thanked me for getting in touch, said my email had made him cry and that she had mentioned me to him in terms of being a long-term client who she thought a lot of. Reading that made me cry! It felt comforting to reach out to someone else who knew her. You are right, most people won't understand the nature of the relationship and because it's 1:1, we generally don't have anyone we can talk to about that person.

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[Fuzzybear]

I'm so sorry this has happened (of course your grief is valid)

[nottrustin]

The connection with Ts family was huge for me. It was her partner who reached out to me about her was passing. Clients were invited to attend. Being there and meeting people I knew through her stories over the 10 years helped a little.

Originally Posted by East17

Yes, exactly that! When I told my H I was so upset, the first time we stopped working together after she'd been diagnosed, his reaction was 'So? She's just your therapist.' Like I shouldn't care about her. Needless to say I haven't bothered to tell him she has died. I couldn't handle the invalidating comments right now.

I emailed her son (who is also a therapist) to give him my condolences. I never really expected to hear back from him, but he replied almost straight away. He thanked me for getting in touch, said my email had made him cry and that she had mentioned me to him in terms of being a long-term client who she thought a lot of. Reading that made me cry! It felt comforting to reach out to someone else who knew her. You are right, most people won't understand the nature of the relationship and because it's 1:1, we generally don't have anyone we can talk to about that person.

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