[Waterbear]

Hi guys,

So I have been seeing my new T for about 6 months now, and things are going ok. I knew it would be insanely slow progress with her, but it is at least progress.

I contacted an Art Therapist a few months ago asking if she had any availability, because art is something that has been a big part of my process, but totally self 'guided'. She said that the venue wasn't available yet, but hopefully by May it would be.

I spoke with my T about the idea of seeing her once a month, to complement our talk therapy. She was hesitant at first but quite quickly 'agreed' that maybe we could give it a go. I was pleased she was onboard with the idea.

I contacted the Art T again a couple of weeks ago and asked if there was any news on the venue. I said that I had spoken to my T and told her of my idea/wish to have each one complement the other, and said that I would be more than happy to keeping things open between the three of us. I said I would be happy to talk about it in more detail if she felt she would like to, before agreeing to it, because I know seeing more than one person at a time is a little unconventional.

She replied to say that she wouldn't recommend this, though I may find other therapists who would feel confident to work in this way. She said she would be very happy to talk on the phone if I wished to discuss it further.

I replied saying I knew it wasn't recommended, but that I did want to give it a go, for several reasons. I said I was confused by her email though as to whether she would consider it or not. I stated that if she would be willing to consider it, I would be happy to try and help her understand my reasons and my drive for it, and how I see it working, but that if she really didn't feel comfortable working in this way then I felt there little point in me opening up about it.

She replied saying that 'given various things I think it would be best to leave arranging therapy at present. I am away for a few days so won't answer emails until next week now. Would be happy to talk further about this if you wish'

I didn't reply. I was confused. I wanted to talk to my T about this but we have a break at the moment. Anyway, not 5 days later I receive another email from her saying 'I have been offered the room for up to three months. I don't know if you would like to do some short term art therapy work. Would you like to talk about this on the phone?'

I am so confused. Can anyone else make more sense of this than me? One minute she recommend we not, and then she is offering to do so, but only for three sessions? One a month? Or is she expecting me to come every week for three months? I can't afford to do that on top of my existing therapy.

I haven't replied to this last email either, I just don't know whether it is worth it or not. I felt my emails were very clear, but that her's were totally ambiguous.

I could use some help in the absence of my T if anyone fancies trying to decipher what's going on here!!

[Lonelyinmyheart]

The art T's emails are very confusing for sure. I would feel the same as you. You've been very clear and upfront but hers are full of mixed messages. She definitely doesn't sound keen but is for whatever reason reluctant to just wish you well. I'm wondering whether she's reluctant to commit but thinks she may be persuaded once she's met you, so doesn't want to say a firm no? She might also be thinking that once you've met her you might commit to her and her alone and doesn't want to pass up that opportunity. She's running a business after all.

In your situation I might wait until my T comes back and discuss it with her. Or I might give into curiosity and meet the art T and see what she's like.

Another option is emailing her again and saying how confused you are and ask whether she's truly open to what you're looking for. I know this might be difficult though given how her responses have gone so far and might mean starting any relationship with her on a bad note.

I hope it works out whether you decide.

[Waterbear]

Thank you so much! I think that's why I just haven't replied yet, I don't want things to start off on a bad foot if we do decide to go ahead. I think you are right, I should wait for my T to return and see what she has to say about it. I'm wondering also whether she might get in touch with her on my behalf?? I would be ok with that. I don't find talking about any of this easy at all, another reason I am reticent to take her up on the phone call. Emails are my go to for sure, but I know on the flip side some people really struggle to put what they are thinking down 'on paper', which could be another thing going ok for her. Thank you, I really appreciate your time in replying!

From what you have described here, I understand that she is not prepared to work alongside another therapist, but is open to discussing/trialling work with you as your sole therapist. It doesn't sound as if she has been very clear though and the important thing is that you are confused. It is probably too early to tell whether this is a sign of an ill-fitting match and it might be worth arranging an initial session to explore more. I am being hypocritical here as I have previously rejected therapists for incorrect grammar in an email, so...

I am not really surprised that the art therapist is not recommending this as a course of action. I often hear art therapy spoken about as if it is a gentler option than talk therapy, a kind of adjunct wellbeing activity like yoga or meditation. I have previously been in art therapy for 1.5 years and it was deep therapeutic work. People seem to think of the art as being foremost and the therapy aspect as being less prominent. My experience was that the therapy happened through the art objects I produced - the therapy was a combination of me, the therapist and the object. For me, this would be like me being in Gestalt therapy and thinking I would do psychodynamic therapy once a month as an add-on. It wouldn't make sense for me. I am not suggesting that you are thinking of art therapy in this way, just typing out loud really.

In your position, I would definitely want to discuss with the art therapist what it would be like to start making an object and then leave it for a month before I continued developing it. I would have hated that. Even typing about this has made me feel sad for your as yet unstarted and yet soon to be abandoned pieces! Projection incoming! It might be worth talking through what role the art therapy would have. Would you be taking the same emotional material to both kinds of sessions and using different approaches to explore it? Would you be taking different areas to each therapy?

I would be very cautious about working with either/both therapist if they have agreed to something which is outside of their usual practice/approach. Whilst this is not your boundary to look after because their practice is their responsibility, I would want to protect myself and so would be wary of their lack of experience or confidence negatively impacting on my therapy.

Also, when I have considered other forms of therapy or other therapists, it has often been as a response to feeling that my therapist is not present enough with me. This has been due to a rupture, due to her being on holiday, or sometimes just my inability to maintain connection in absence. I am not saying that this is the case for you and nor am I trying to suggest that the art therapy is not a good option for you. How many therapies/therapists you undertake is totally your business and should be your decision, assuming that they can keep their end of things safe. Therapists have a horrible habit of assuming that they know best, arising from misplaced professional arrogance. Of course, many of them can't even operate successfully from *within* the scope of their practice, but don't get me started on that.

[Favorite Jeans]

Is there something amazing about this art T? Because this kind of BS right at the beginning makes me think this woman is just not worth it. She’s telling you who she is, as it were.

[Waterbear]

Thank you so much Comrademoomoo.... There is a lot there for me to consider and think about. Some really useful viewpoints and thoughts, thank you. I'm not sure I'm going to manage to respond to all the points, so forgive me if I don't, but you've definitely set my brain into action! A good thing.

I guess I had imagined using the sessions to explore the same topic as my other therapist and I are trying to cover, but just in a different 'medium' so to speak. If I could afford once a week with her as well then I absolutely would, but I can't, sadly. I guess I had imagined that once a month would give me enough support/guidance to allow me to continue 'creating' at home. I have an art journal which I have used in the past (actually I've done a fair bit of art journalling, especially in the early days of my therapy before Ex T) but I'm not using it for some reason. Actually, trying to write my reasons for doing this and I can't come up with anything better than "it just feels like the right thing to do!", But I have learnt over the last few years that I can trust myself way more than I ever thought I could.

You are so right about the 'therapist knows best' thing. I even said to my T last session I think, that it's almost outrageous that in a profession that goes on about 'client autonomy' and 'gaining independence' there are still Soooo many examples where the therapist does what they think best for the client without due regard to what the client feels is best for them. But like you say, that's another thread.

I know from past experience that if I am offered a way out of vocalising things, I will generally take it. This is a problem for me because one of my goals is to give a voice to what happened to me. To speak the words. To actually speak out about it first to my T and then to my other half and then, if I choose to, to my family and the person who did those things to me.

That's why the current therapy (it is gestalt, not that that means anything to me really!) is instinctively where I want to spend more of my time, because it is talk therapy. Because it seems to be driving towards that goal more so than 'hiding behind' a medium that I know to offer me a way out of actually talking.

That said, I feel I want the art therapy sessions because it is such a big part of my process, and I feel it is lacking in my other sessions with my T. The space is tiny and there is no desk; it just isn't set up for it sadly, and she doesn't seem to be trained in working creatively anywhere near as much as my old T was.

It's an interesting thought though, whether I should maybe go and see this lady, and think about the possibility of committing to full sessions with her, or another art T. Whether all my needs could be met in one place after all. Thank you.

But you are right, I am confused. I asked a specific question but she answered like a politician. I feel like I need a specific answer, but she hasn't provided that and therefore I feel I can't move forwards. In a way I am wary about seeing someone who doesn't appear to have experience or confidence in working like this, for sure. It reminds me of Ex T, who I would swear had no experience in working the way we did, but who seemed totally confident in it nonetheless.

Anyway, thank you again, I really appreciate your time and your thought!

[Waterbear]

Thanks Favourite Jeans. Not that I know of, no, but she is the only person I've managed to find in the whole of my area! I am, in part, inclined to agree. If I am this confused from just an initial conversation, it doesn't bode well for th deep work I have to do!