Couch 238: Appreciating Small Progress Couch

Welcome to the couch, old and new! A place to hang out - sometimes you get immediate feedback, sometimes you don't.

Shouting, "Cool Whip" tends to bring others out from between the cushions if you're feeling lonely.

This is a chatty thread. All are welcome. We're kind of psychologically oriented, sometimes. We try to be supportive. At times we discuss what that means.

It’s a place to plop down on the couch when you come home from work or wherever, or wake up in the middle of the night, or check in at lunch, rant a bit or not, and be among friends.

We advise you not to drink or drug and text your therapist ("T") - we speak from experience.

Sometimes the thread moves fast and you might get overlooked; sometimes it moves slowly and all you hear are crickets. Sometimes you get hugged or thanked pages later. So if it's a bigger question, you might want to start a new thread.

Grab a cushion, a spot on the floor, or an armchair in the corner and make yourselves comfy.

'Angel number' 238 is all about appreciating small progress.

Thanks for the new couch!

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I'm being sent to the ER because of stroke-level high blood pressure. P is on vacation although he said I could email him. I want to email him about this because I'm stressing out about it. Do you think he would mind since it's not mental health related?

NP, I hope you're OK! I think it's affecting your mental health and you should definitely contact him.

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Hugs, NP, I hope you're OK! I think it's fine to email, even text about it if that's allowed.

When I went to the ER a few years ago for elevated heart rate, I texted T a couple times, though it was partly because we'd had a session scheduled for that day, and I had to update him (he pushed it back, and I was still unable to make it, then he found time the next day).

But I wish I had just texted him "I'm so scared" because I was at the time (but we were in the midst of a rupture, so I was afraid to). And maybe asked if we could have just texted for one of my original session times.

Anyway, I think it's completely OK to reach out. And I hope you're OK!!!

That sounds mental health related to me. I hope you find out what's wrong and get better quickly. I'll be thinking of you.

NP, I’d email your therapist.

LT, about “Love on the Spectrum” from the last Couch. I watched a few episodes this spring. It struck me that the show, like Children of a Lesser God for the deaf, held up the neurotypical perspective as the model. Like it emphasized and drew attention to differences such as odd wardrobe choices (lots of close ups) that would never have been the focus if the cast had been neurotypical. And the tone often seemed infantilizing. It’s way too cutesy imo, in the “oh look at the sweet little disabled people, they’re just like us...except they’re not, we’re still the norm and superior.”

But what you might like about it is it focuses a lot on the parents of the cast too. I also thought that was a problem given what it was supposed to be about, but you might find sone use there.

Email him! I'd be calling my T and crying about this, so e-mail seems tame to me. I really hope you are okay.

Also, Artie, glad H is okay.

NP, I think it's fine to reach out too. I hope you're okay!! Sending good thoughts.

I did email him. I guess I should also give him an update. One of my cardiac enzymes was high so I've been admitted for observation. This sucks. I've neglected my health because honestly I was pretty sui for a long time. I feel like this is all my fault.

NP this isn't your fault. It's so easy to let physical health issues slide especially when we're dealing with mental health issues, and particularly when we are feeling sui. I totally get that.
My T told me that even when I'm passively sui, I don't look after myself because I don't really care what happens to me...... maybe it's something similar for you.
I hope they can sort out your cardiac problem and that you can give yourself a break.
Wishing you well.

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A lot happening! Writing to NP, Artie, and LT here....

NP, this is absolutely not your fault. Think about it: if you had read up about "how to cause a cardiac crisis" and followed the steps, I guess it could be considered your "fault?" But that's definitely not the case!!!

Life is hectic at the best of times and when we're depressed, our ability to do even basic self-care like (for me) showering and brushing teeth can suffer.

I hope they can figure out what is wrong. But don't be too distressed if they cannot. Many times, that's what happens (at least in my experience). Wishing you healing and calm.

Artie, so glad that your husband's procedure went well and that your both home! I hope things go swimmingly from here forward. And I'm glad you got the new car and didn't have to wait the ridiculous two weeks.

LT, I have not seen that show but I agree with what ATAT said in that many times these shows can be infantalizing towards people with autism (or any disability, really). I might try to seek out shows or memoirs or the online presence of adults with autism spectrum disorders to understand their experiences better. That might give you some idea of the futures open to your daughter? (I would recommend blogs but they seem out of date. Podcasts, TikTok, Instagram, what do people do now?)

Even parents of adults with autism are likely writing online blogs (or whatever...), if you believe your daughter won't likely be able to live independently in the future. But also... don't sell her short!!! (I can't recall who said that already, sorry!) Stubbornness can be an asset.

Also, I completely understand how copy editing is easier for words that have no meaning to you.

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NP, I've read several articles about how many people are dealing with health issues due to the stress, isolation, and limitations of Covid, even if they haven't been infected. My wife and I certainly are, in our own ways. Add preexisting depression and PTSD on top of that and you're dealing with a lot. I hope you can be gentle with yourself as you recover from this. You deserve all the care you can get, from yourself and from other people.

I hope everything turns out okay, NP.

Thinking of you @NP_Complete

LT, I know of someone who is a parent to one or 2 autistic teens (?), one of whom is non-verbal. She has ebooks which are free/donation-based.

I don't remember the linking rules. She's "fidgets.and.fries" on Instagram (yes, with the dots)

Hope you're feeling better today, NP.

Thanks, I was wondering about that, if it would seem sort of patronizing to the subjects. I'll have to see how much it bothers me.


Dr. T mentioned the focus on parents as well as a reason it might help me. I think I'll try out an episode or two this weekend, see how it feels.

Thanks, QM! I found her on Insta and am now following her.

I also just got this book (arrived today), so I'll see if that's helpful, too.

I know several of our couchettes are struggling with troubles at the moment (and well wishes to you all), but can I just point out that today's Wordle is the real trauma of the weekend?

I got it in five but I'm still mad about it.

Me too. Why does five feel like failure?

Thanks, MP. I'll try to seek some of those out--I'm in a few Facebook groups for parents, so I'm guessing I could find some specific suggestions there.

And I think with my D, I'll keep advocating for her. She's grown and accomplished so much in the last 11 years--I have no idea what she'll be like at, say, 21. But I also don't want to push *too* hard, to be following my dreams for her rather than what is the right path for her, as an individual.

Also, good to know you understand about the copy editing!

it took me 5 today as well.

I somehow got it in 4. I put in the answer saying, "I'm sure it's not that, and I'm wasting a guess."