Couch 239: Cape Coral Couch

Also sending hugs if wanted, Scarlet. See what your doctor says, too.

Hugs Scarlet

I can relate to the mammogram thing. I hate the gown. I hate being maneuvered around. I hate that they "catch" my skin above where they are supposed to be imaging. And I hate the holding my breath thing. Thank goodness I had mine done in June and this year (unlike last year when I had to have three), I got a clean result.

I can also relate to the closet thing. I cleaned half of my closet yesterday afternoon. It was hard work but it is much better in there now. Helen slipped into my room while I was cleaning the closet and spent some time on a pile of blankets that I have folded up on the floor of the closet on one side. I had to make sure she was out before I shut the doors!

Somehow last session, My T and I started talking about books. I like a lot of nonfiction history type books, especially of the Tudor and Plantaganants time frame. So I sent her some pictures of the books I was talking about. She got the first one--but the audio version and she is going to listen to it this morning on the drive into the office (it takes her about 1 hour to get to work). EEK! I hope she likes it! I will feel guilty if she doesn't.

Group therapy tonight. We will have music therapy the first hour in aftercare and then the other guy who does the processing and psycho education part will not be there so we will have a sub-therapist. She's cool but she goes longer than the one who will be out.

No need to feel guilt! The beauty of our humanness is that we are all different. L and I, for the most part, do not share any similar likes. Our taste in music, tv, movies, art, and food even are so opposite from each other. I've learned to appreciate our differences.

It's great if your T enjoys the book, AND it's totally okay if she doesn't. It has no reflection on you.

If you like Crusades/templar stuff - I recommend Dungeon, Fire, and Sword by John Robinson - it is a little old now but still fun to read I think. Dungeon, Fire and Sword: The Knights Templar in the Crusades - 9781590771525

I looked up that book on Amazon and on the same page is an ad for a Medieval Helmet replica complete with chainmail for sale, ostensibly so you can wear it while you are reading the book to really get into the spirit. Well, if you can read through the slits in the helmet, that is.

Haha...

Brilliant, Artie! I'm enjoying that mental image, despite my feeling towards that company.

i think that dream work is so freakin' cool. i was just reading through my dream journal and came across a dream from awhile back wherein I was seeing a new T and they had me draw a circle, after i drew it, i woke up. never knew what that was all about until now. it was leading up to this cbt program - and my coach telling me about the circle of control/circle of influence/circle of concern thing. that really resonated for me and now i know why, because my previous dream was giving me a foreshadowing of it so I'd pay closer attention when it came! Nice.

my coach told me this week that when you start focusing on your circle of control, and be-ing more so that you can do more, you start understanding that you have more power than you think you do, and your circle of control starts getting bigger. I was thinking about all of that in the shower this morning and realized that actually doing something about one of my fears/anxieties/worries - by calling and making a long-needed dentist appointment - moved my fear of doing it into my circle of control and did make me feel a little less out of control, and I am starting to see that maybe I do have control over some other internal stuff (specifically how I can't seem to let go of L - that perhaps it is within my power after all to do so?). maybe that's what C (my coach) meant by it getting bigger. i'm digging this stuff a lot.

Had a job interview today, I'll have to wait and see what happens.

Hope you get it! Did they say when you expect to hear back?

I hate you. You are almost just as bad as my parents. You don't listen to me and if I say something you will get mad. Why can't I work up the guts to say something? It's because I wait until I can't stand it anymore and I can't voice my concerns in a civil tone. I will try at the start of next session. This is not going to end well.

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We are camping this week. It's beautiful here, and relaxing but the weather has been a little cool. Bacon should be firm and chewy, on the verge of crisp- not crunchy and definitely not floppy.

They said in the next few days

The answer is right there in your picture - your pan is big enough so the strips can lie flat. That solves issues of curling and bending and hence uneven doneness which can result in over- and/or underdoneness.

See i knows my grammer!

grammar?
good lord.

I shall have to go back to other countries to join my bacon friends. American bacon abuse makes me weep

No, grammer. As in, "my grammer always rushed her bacon so it aint never turned out right."

I worry about you.

and they do make bacon presses if one needs the equivalent of ironed bacon. Or a pressed sandwich.

Camping sounds like fun. I have such great memories of the summers I spent working at girl scout camp starting right after high school, teaching swimming lessons. Sleeping in the platform tents on those old wire cots with thin mattresses, we piled them up with sleeping bags and blankets to make them more comfortable, ah but it was so wonderful waking up out in the woods every morning. Especially the summer I was in that one unit up on the side of a hill, it was so beautiful. I need more nature in my life!!!!

Tomorrow my classes start.

This is the first first day of classes in almost forty years my mother hasn’t been there to wish me luck.

Next week is my birthday. When cleaning out her desk I found that she had already bought me a present before she got sick—so at least five months in advance. I didn’t open it. I don’t know if I’ll be able to.

Sending strength, @@.

I hope the first day of classes goes well, and I hope you find a way to open your gift.

@@, these are very special thoughts and memories. I hope you are capturing them. They would not have occurred to me in a million years.