Couch 239: Cape Coral Couch

And just not taking everything people bandy on about all that literally or seriously. It's sort of like believing you actually speak Mandarin and I actually speak Aramaic. Although AT&T probably really does speak those languages.

I know how hard it can be to work with people. I know how hard any kind of relationship with people can be. Interacting with others is a struggle, but I am not sure that we gain anything by positioning ourselves as superior or emotionally removed. If I struggle to be around other people, my concern is to explore how *I* relate, not to belittle the other.

And maybe I do too.

Joking and blowing off steam about work = you don't care about humanity?

No, of course not. People are taking part in the discussion and responding to stuff they don't like or saying that they don't agree or looking to explore related ideas. For a Mandarin speaker, you are sounding very one-track dialogue.

Alas no. I wasted my education.

Nonsense - you are the only person I know who has been called the Barney of the humanities. I am still in awe of that (this time I am being serious - which apparently needs labeling).

There's a difference between blowing off steam and making fun of people.

The conversations between the 3 of you, I try to stay out of because, well, I don't feel welcome to join in. It's like a club. I'm fine with that. We each gravitate towards different people. MY issue is not being genuine and honest with people and then making fun of them because they trusted what you presented. That triggers a lot of hurt amd pain and distrust in not just you, but in the world around me. Maybe I should have just remained silent. I guess all I'm trying to say is that it affects me.

And I am even leading the students dropping sweepstakes among my colleagues! If only by 1 (I have had two drop, the others one only.)

Good job. We play that game too. I have one colleague who is usually so far ahead of everybody else that we never can catch up

My uni also asked faculty to come for student move-in. We would be under a tent talking to parents. I have plenty of service, so I didn't go. But if SD can do it, maybe I can too!

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I know that if I could do it - you would be great at it

Omg i was just about asleep when my cat who makes slurping noises when he grooms himself started. It is the most disgusting sound.

we finally got back home late yesterday from our trip. Our car broke down and we had to have it towed back down here to the repair shop, we have AAA with 100 miles of towing thankfully so we only had to pay for the last 4+ miles of the tow. It was so hot waiting for the tow truck yesterday. I'm a little miffed that this car broke down already, as we just bought the thing what a couple months ago or whenever. But, it is a 2015 so it was probably 'due' I suppose. I'm just glad it didn't break down on H when he was out in the middle of nowhere mid-delivery.

Oh, that sucks, Artie, I'm sorry.

Well, I think I'm in another rupture with Dr. T. So that's awesome. He felt I had a "victim mindset" regarding H and D getting Covid and concerns that it would affect our vacation (he mentioned this in an email response where I said I'd felt disconnected from him lately, part of it feeling a lack of empathy or validation regarding their Covid). And now I'm wondering what else he feels that about with me. And, um, I'm already someone who tends to blame myself for things. So I'm not sure how this is helpful? (Please don't go on to me about how it is helpful, I don't need that right now.)

I was supposed to see him virtually right before leaving for the beach tomorrow then once virtually from the beach, but I cancelled those (don't want to deal with this right before driving or while down there). I asked if he could fit me in today, and he can't. I asked if he had anything Friday afternoon, and he doesn't. He said I could email. I asked if there was a chance he could reply to one question by tonight instead of tomorrow morning, and he said he could. So, we'll see.

Sigh.

Oh so sorry, LT. Hugs my friend.

I didn't make it to my Saturday session with my T. It was supposed to be at 6 PM.


Background: My sleep has been terrible since before I went to the hospital (probably not great for my psychosis). So I fell asleep in the chair around 3:30 PM. My parents woke me up a little after 5 PM because they knew I had a T appointment. I was sooooo sleepy so I texted her and asked if we could skip the session. Then I ate. But then I couldn't get back to sleep. I was up until 10 PM! Then I was back awake at like 2 or 3 AM. Horrible sleep. I should have texted her again when I couldn't sleep (the before 10 part) because she goes to bed late, like 1 or 2 AM. But I didn't think about it. So I missed a session but luckily she is not charging me. Although I wouldn't blame her if she did!

Thanks, Kit. He replied to my email reply, which made it a little bit better, but I'm still upset with him. The thing I'm noticing is that my feelings are all outward at him--it's not shifting to self-loathing, blaming myself, etc. I think that's some sort of progress! (Not sure I want to tell him that next time we talk, though, or he'll think upsetting me was a positive thing.)

Hugs, Kit, I'm sorry you missed the session, but glad she's not charging you. You'll see her this week, right?

I hope your sleep gets better, too. Could it be something with your meds?

That sounds like progress to me too, LT. I'm glad you aren't beating up on yourself.

Thanks, Kit.

LT, i dont see "victim mentality", but i do see some kind of denial? Your H & D have a potentially life threatening condition, and youre just thinking about the vacation? Arent you supposed to be staying home, changing sheets, and offering hot beverages? As someone who grew up having her plans (or just wishes) quashed at the slightest indication of inconvenience to others, i dont comprehend why vacation hasnt been cancelled. So thats why i see denial.

Are you trying to get him to join you in that denial? Like, "dont you agree your (T's) life would be better if you stood away from your family?" Again, i am guilty of standing away myself, but only because they were older and crazy and mean.

So no, i dont think blaming t instead of yourself is a sign of progress. Its deflecting your feelings, but i dont know what your feelings are. I can certainly understand if they are "poor me" - its a rotten deal. OTOH, you have a lot of potential for gratitude and love within your family. Is missing ONE vacation taking on more significance than it should? Representing something else?

Just some thoughts / thought starters.

I assumed everyone had tested negative twice before going. Of course, the health people also keep saying the home rapid tests are not that accurate for positive so I don't know really how much faith to place in them