Couch 240: The Vanadis Couch

I am right there with you on the length of time between visits. Glad it's almost over!

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Yes! You hit it right on the nose. I'm so scared.
Thanks Artie. I hope so too.
Congrats on getting it done!! Let me know if you have any questions about getting the crown done, as I just had my temporary one put in a few days ago.

This is a good point. I remember at one time asking ex-MC how many emails or texts were OK, like can I send two per week? Or like no more than 500 words a week? He refused to give me a set number, which was very difficult for me.

Dr. T has been a little vague about it, too, though with him, it would just switch to him having to temporarily charge me for them (which he hasn't done since before the pandemic). But he came up with the color system (like green, yellow, orange, red, where red is I'd have to pay) that has helped, so I could just email and say "What color am I?" before sending something more. Or "If I'm in orange or red, we can just talk about this next session." But then the color system is difficult in other ways, plus he's unwilling to give me actual numbers either, has just said he'd let me know early on if it was approaching too much, and we could talk about it, that he would never just stop allowing outside contact entirely.

I'm taking an online poetry workshop right now through CA Institute of the Arts (via Coursera). One of the writing prompts this week is to write a lipogram. I hadn't heard of that form before, and when I looked it up online, the definition I am finding is a poem (or prose etc) leaving OUT one particular letter. Our instructor's definition is a bit broader, he says it's a poem that restricts the use of a letter either way. Our first prompt this week is to write one using only one vowel (and the same vowel) in every word (not leaving a letter out). I'm going to follow the prompt even if it's maybe not specifically correct because I think it will be fun trying that. I found in one of my searches that lipogram is from the ancient greek "leipogrammatos" with a doohickie over the first a that I don't know how to do and it says it means "leaving out a letter" and if that's the case, then our instructor is maybe taking liberties with the definition. Hmm.

Does the “doohickey” look like this over the Greek spelling? λιπογράμματος

If so, that’s an acute accent over the antepenult. (Yes, una, there is also a penult—go ahead and make your joke.)

There are a bunch of sample lipograms online that follow your instructor’s definition: https://hellopoetry.com/tag/lipogram/

the haunted house was pretty fun!

Hugs and head-nods all around as needed/wanted/appropriate.

Yesterday I sort of asked my T about rescheduling our session from Tuesday. Today I came out very straightforward and asked her if we could reschedule the session that was shut down after 20 minutes. I also asked about her daughter. I'm not trying to be pushy, but if I have to wait until next week to talk to her I'd kind of like to know.

You're not being pushy, Kit. I strongly feel that your T owes you an apology here, and the courtesy of a new session time.

I understand that things happen, but when that means cutting a session in half or more...you deserve better.

HUGS

Thanks for the hugs Lost. I'm not sure if she owes me an apology but from her last text, it sounded like daughter was okay. "only allergies" so I know that can be a pain but not life threatening. So I waited a day and then asked about rescheduling. Like I wish she would be the one offering instead of me "pushing" but yeah. I need a session.

We all benefit from consistency Kit, and in your circumstances...I would say it's even more important.

I'm glad you recognise that you need a session, and pleased that you are taking action to make it happen.

Thank you so much, Lost!

My city is one of two in the region that has the worst air quality in the world right now because of wildfire smoke. I've only smelled it one night, but it was visually quite hazy yesterday. At least the sky isn't Apocalyptic Yellow. I feel bad for those with respiratory issues.

I hate waiting for T to text back. UGH

Just leaving a pile of loves here in case anyone needs

I am not giving into the urge to text T again. I'm sure that if she saw my T she will get back to me. She could be with clients or whatever. I wish she was a bit more proactive about rescheduling me but I don't know what she is dealing with. So I will just spew my anxiety onto the couch. ACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

We all love our Kit

T responded but it wasn't helpful. She said she could talk this weekend but she didn't know when. In my text to her I told her that I feel like I am in limbo and it is an uncomfortable feeling. I still have the uncomfortable feeling because I don't know anything else about the appointment. I really don't like to do therapy on Sundays because it is Church and Family day and this week it is also my mental health day where I want to do nothing but binge watch British mysteries. And I don't know if I can meet her on my usual day of Tuesday because we are having company over. Sigh. I am having trouble sitting with the uncomfortable but I am trying.

Hugs, Kit. You deserve more consistency than it appears she is able to give you. I'm sorry.

I concur, Artie.

Well you guys since my current MO is to be more authentic: I cancelled pdoc this morning before I got there. I want to give myself a little more time to keep working through everything. I'm feeling a little bit better and more hopeful every day, I'm thinking this is more situational with so much going on right now, and that as each thing is getting solved one by one my anxiety/stress etc should continue to ease. I'm giving myself 2 more weeks to keep using my tools/talking to C and if I haven't continued to see improvement, I have committed to myself that at that point I will go in and see about going back on meds. I had to reschedule C for this afternoon because of having to go pick up my car the other day, and we had a really good talk this afternoon about how I really spiraled after that Sunday before last zoom call with family when I was comparing myself to my PhD siblings/their accomplishments and feeling like I had done nothing of note in comparison to them. (If she hadn't been on vacation last week, we would have already been able to talk about it!) She's a great resource for me, so I'm thinking I'll probably do another 8 weeks after this one is over as long as my insurance will keep paying for it.

Thyroid ultrasound went fine, I mean I won't know anything til the results are in she said probably Wednesday of next week. It's not like painful or anything, they just roll the wand thingy over your throat area. It took maybe 15 minutes. I got there early since I wasn't sure how traffic would be, and they were ahead of schedule so got me back early, and I was already driving home at my actual appointment time so that was good.

So yeah: I crossed fixing my car, going to dentist yesterday, and the thyroid ultrasound off my mental list of stressors because they are all done now. It helps a lot shortening the list a little. H has his liver biopsy a week from today, so that will be over with soon enough too.

Also, I'm looking forward to Halloween this year. I've always wanted to hand out full-size candy bars one year, so we bought 2 boxes of 30 each at Costco the other day cuz they were on sale. I told H that's it though - once they're gone, we're turning off the porch light and calling it a night I'm not buying any more candy! Of course, he's already been into it eating the Milky Ways (his fave). So far I am leaving it alone, one of the things I've been doing to feel better is detoxing from sugar. I am positive that one thing alone has been making a big difference in how I've been feeling mentally the past few days.

I think the increase in insulin is giving me pancreatitis, or otherwise killing my gut. (Or im not timing my meals and drugs properly.) Which i think would have meant no ozempic for me. Which would be a bummer. I talk to my meds dr on friday. I hope i have it straightened out by then. Im kinda looking forward to losing weight. Then i realized i was getting my hopes up. No bueno.

I hope it goes well Friday and that you feel better soon, Una.

Thanks. Yeah i heard full size candy bars are de rigueur this year.