Couch 240: The Vanadis Couch

Aw, you didn't kill it Artie!

I often question things like you do at times that I feel I'm dong better. Like, Is this real? Am I just holding it together, then something will happen, and it will all fall apart?

This is an interesting question: "Wondering also about some of these tools I learned in the cbt program - especially the 3 c's (catch it, check it, change it) is changing my thoughts, really another way of just avoiding (pretending)?" I mean, maybe, in a way, many of us (myself included) *do* need to pretend in order to do and feel better.

Thinking of myself, if my true, genuine thoughts are anxiety about what could go wrong, fear of rejection around every corner, etc., then I think the only way for me to overcome those in some way is to pretend to myself, at least in the shorter term. Like, to use a very recent example, if I say to myself, "LT, you're being ridiculous--your T saying you had to stop for the day doesn't mean he's upset with your or rejecting you." If I manage to believe that, am I just pretending? Because it's not my true, underlying feeling/fear? And is there anything wrong with that?

Or if I'm thinking to myself "I'm totally going to get fired from this new freelance job. I'm not learning quickly enough and I had to ask for an extension once already." If I tell myself, "OK, LT, you have yet to be fired from a job. Of course they expect you to have a learning curve. And they were understanding about the extension, because of the weird computer issues, and it wasn't even for that long."--is that faking it/pretending? Or is it trying to stop myself from catastrophizing, which I think is a *good* thing?

Just throwing a couple things out there.

I think those examples are two very different things, which is interesting. The first one is pretty invalidating ("stop being ridiculous") and you're trying to use logic to reassure yourself about something you really can't possibly know. Maybe he is furious! Probably not, but still. Then what happens if he is? You can't control that.

The second one is much more self-compassionate.("There is a learning curve, it wasn't that long even though it felt like it," etc) It's using a reassuring tone and giving yourself a break because you know you're trying your hardest. It's much more validating and probably much more likely to have you actually feeling better over the long run without feeling like you're faking it.

ETA: Today's Wordle took me four. Yesterday's almost destroyed my streak!

Hug, Kit. That sounds frustrating, about your T with scheduling. And then seeming really excited about your writing her a Christmas card? That strikes me as maybe a bit odd. Not that you're writing her one, but that she specifically asked and is excited about it.

Just for you @@!

Pickle My Life | Could be both?

I'm so sorry, @@.

I'm amazed that senior members of staff are allowing this to continue.
You were the person who originally requested reasonable adjustments, and as such your request should stand.

It should have been granted yesterday....and I have a feeling it would have been if this person wasn't being a moron about it.

I hope there's some chance of resolution.

I would not do well in a glutton-free environment.

My good mood evaporated yesterday when problem ableist colleague who insisted on mediation contacts the chair and says she wants to attend faculty meetings. And she wants to do it on zoom because of our “agreement.” Zoom is only for those with covid accommodations or actively sick. This woman claims she’s immunocompromised but isn’t so medically, so has to attend in person. She’s skipped the first two.

Chair recalls no such agreement and asks me. I say she must be thinking of the agreement that if she and I needed to communicate about administrative stuff and email would not suffice we would do it on zoom.

I don’t even know why I had to be involved; I think there’s a good chance she’s just being manipulative. I did take the opportunity to give chair a piece of my mind on how badly the whole situation was handled.

You make some really good points here about the differences in my examples! I hadn't really thought of it that way. Particularly how one is invalidating and the other is self-compassionate. Now I'm trying to think of a self-compassionate way to frame the first one...

I did take the opportunity to give chair a piece of my mind on how badly the whole situation was handled.

i had a weird dream last night. in the dream i'm living in some kind of hippie commune or something, and it's back in the 70's. Then suddenly the scene shifts to present-day and I'm in a conference room at an old job back in CA and one of my teammates from back then stands up and begins singing opera.

Maybe you're missing community?

He got up to sing because he had something to say? What's your song Art?

Motion that we call Couch 242 “Una’s plateau.” Or “An Odd Even Number.”

I don’t even know why I had to be involved; I think there’s a good chance she’s just being manipulative. I did take the opportunity to give chair a piece of my mind on how badly the whole situation was handled.

SD: dear lord, where has this therapist been all my life?