[radio_flyer]

........... Several years ago I was in therapy. I am not sure what the purpose of the therapy was tho. Five years or so of therapy and I was told if I had a panic attack when driving that I should pull over and run around the car. lol.. I can laugh now, but believe me, I was not laughing then..

I was thinking that maybe sometimes when we have problems and we try therapy that somehow we get "hooked" into mental health issues. Once bitten we are drawn believing the rest of our lives we have "issues'. Like being in therapy has branded one for life. So and so does this or that which is out of character and the next thing they say ooo you have problems and need therapy..

I know we can consciously decide to move forward and learn from our mistakes. Maybe when one doesn't move forward it doesn't have to always be "mental health issues".. Maybe one just threw in the towel and lives a quiet life. Maybe not a productive one. Maybe they are just "plumb lazy".

Then I think.. what is good therapy? Does the T ever make suggestions or is his job just to sit there and listen and watch one spin in the mud. Is he there just to listen? I mean if he is just there to listen with no feedback or suggestions, one might as well talk to a tree and put the money in a "talking to tree fund".

I don't think I need therapy. I guess I am trying to find closure on "mental health" problems and past therapy. Some times we have to give ourselves a kick in the butt which forces one to go forward and not look back.....................

[findebsoon]

Terrific Post! Radio Flyer, here here! Yes!
Therapy does have its place, though, for there are people in
very disparate circumstances where we can't even
fathom or imagine, but we here do our best work under
adversity. Every situation we go through will teach us
something about who we are. We can gradually start to
form a pattern of habit and socialize when it comes to
good friends and family.

When a persons needs aren't being met and you think your
dreams aren't as noble as the next guy and you don't
know if your coming or going and can't decide if you
should change what sex you are............you need more
information, and then understanding becomes knowledge.
I think this actually is a homily, but it does sound
good, huh. DB

Hey there. I think... I hear what you are saying. I've lived many years in intense pain. And I didn't really know what was wrong. Then I lived many years with a self-identity that was partly constituted by my seeing myself as 'mentally ill' and 'personality disordered' and 'emotionally unstable' and 'vulnerable' and 'fragile' and the like.

I'm not terribly sure how much conceiving of myself in this way has been helpful or harmful to me. I think it is something that I identify with less and less... The main reason why I identify with it still... Is... To gain acceptance on mental health forums, like this one. It doesn't matter to some people, of course. But other people say that one can't understand unless one has been there / is there and in order to feel accepted by them I try and tell them (in a way they understand) that I do have a legitimate opinion / perspective... But I'm not sure how much it helps me at the end of the day, and that is the honest truth.

I vaccilate with how much I identify myself as being a 'victim of abuse' and the like...

I think it IS important to live in the present and look to the future and not get lost in the past.
But then I also think it IS important to not try and run from the past (or, my experience is, it will bite me on the ***).

Finding the balance... Can be tricky.

> I am not sure what the purpose of the therapy was tho.

Yeah. There are lots of different takes on what therapy is about. Some clinicians have fixed views (will only agree to see a client if the client endorses their opinion on that), others are a little more flexible. There are a lot of different takes on this.

> I know we can consciously decide to move forward and learn from our mistakes.

Yeah, to a certain extent, we can. But then sometimes we need to learn HOW to move forward. No force of will will do it. And sometimes we need to GRIEVE and PROCESS aspects of the past - precisely in order to move on. The balance between embracing the present / future and attempting to run from the past can be tricky. the balance between getting lost in the past and processing the past can be tricky.

> I mean if he is just there to listen with no feedback or suggestions, one might as well talk to a tree and put the money in a "talking to tree fund".

Well... My therapist very rarely offers his opinion. He very rarely offers concrete advice or suggestions, either. So... What does he do? He listens to me. I tell him hard stuff. Stuff that I struggle with alone. It helps me that he has heard me. I don't feel so alone anymore. That makes things seem more manageable.

Sometimes he asks questions like 'can you tell me a little more about this aspect' or 'does that remind you of something you told me last week?' I guess it is a little gentle guidance to assist or invite me to see certain patterns in my life. To understand my motivations etc a little more.

He says supportive things. When I tell him things that repulse myself so much I feel physically sick he is empathetic. I've never experienced such empathy before. It... Gives me hope for humanity. The support gives me strength such that I can be strong and supportive and empathetic for my bf when he needs me to be.

I think it is helpful to me. I think I'm moving forwards.

I'd like... To use boards to move forward... To help others...
But sometimes I'm ambivalent... Need to figure what is right for me, I guess.
And need to not care so much about what other people think of me...

Take the connections when and where you can.

IMHO thats what its about, really.

Connections.

[Mouse_]

I find therapy isnt just about "mental illness", its about also seeing why we do things. I think the whole earths population could do with a bit of that too, but we dont live in a perfect world and none of us is fully awake 24/7 and I guess if life is pleasing to you and your not beating yourself up for being a failure then your right where you want to be. for me I never seemed to be right where I wanted to be, and no amount of kicking myself up the butt or anytihng else could change that on a permanent basis. So for me I needed a hand to help me get where I want to be.

[Perna]

I think it's a little like losing weight and other food issues :-) You gotta eat to live and grow to survive.

I don't think anyone "needs" therapy, it isn't up to someone else to decide whether an individual wants to give therapy a try or not. Sometimes the individual just wants a "companion" to help in the struggle, to witness it and give some pointers or just an indication that, "yes, you appear to be spinning your wheels, have you tried. . .?"

I don't think there's anything wrong with another individual's way of living; it may not be mine and it may not appear to me to work well for them (and may or may not actually work for them). Therapy is only one way of working with one's life when one feels stuck. In my best years in therapy I enjoyed and worked hard at therapy like I would have a job or school or anything else in life that I deemed important to me.

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
radio_flyer said:
Several years ago I was in therapy. I am not sure what the purpose of the therapy was tho.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">It's hard to be in therapy if you don't know why you are there. For me I started therapy when I hit bottom and was just not functioning--hard to take care of my kids, go to work each day, walk around without crying all the time, etc. I realized I needed help.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I was thinking that maybe sometimes when we have problems and we try therapy that somehow we get "hooked" into mental health issues.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I think maybe there is a bit of truth in that. Although I don't see myself as being mentally ill, now that I am functioning better in life because of therapy, I still am in therapy, because I discovered how helpful it is and that I would like to heal as completely as possible. I think before therapy I hadn't realized the depth of my wounds. I don't think I'll be in therapy for life, but right now, it is still really helping me--I am still discovering dysfunctional life patterns and beginning to see avenues to change--so I'll stick with it for a while yet. I don't take drugs to help with my mental health, so therapy is it for me. I frequently read on PC where people write, "I will be on meds for the rest of my life." I guess I see therapy as being similar for some people, a treatment that really helps them and that can be of longterm benefit. For others, a year or two may be enough.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I don't think I need therapy.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Then you probably don't. That's great! If you are happy with your life, have good coping strategies, are moving forward in the direction you want to go, etc., then that is wonderful. Congrats!

[MissCharlotte]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I was thinking that maybe sometimes when we have problems and we try therapy that somehow we get "hooked" into mental health issues. Once bitten we are drawn believing the rest of our lives we have "issues'.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Well, wouldn't those "problems" be the same as issues? It sound like you find the words mental health to be a problem. Maybe you could just think of it as health? Or psychological health?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Then I think.. what is good therapy? Does the T ever make suggestions or is his job just to sit there and listen and watch one spin in the mud. Is he there just to listen? I mean if he is just there to listen with no feedback or suggestions, one might as well talk to a tree and put the money in a "talking to tree fund".

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Well, I think the definition of "good therapy" is as individual as the therapy itself. What's good for one person is not necessarily good for another. I think that there is a place on this website where you can read about the different forms of therapy and then make a personal decision. It sounds as though you are railing against analytical type therapy where the therapist talks much less than other forms. It has proved helpful for many others.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
. Some times we have to give ourselves a kick in the butt which forces one to go forward and not look back.....................

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This does not sound so healthy to me. Why would you want to kick yourself?

I think that I will stick with therapy as a way to walk my path with the loving kindness of my therapist as my guide or partner.

It just feels better than kicking myself.

Peace.

[radio_flyer]

I will get back in a few days. Seems my mind is not in the same place as when I wrote the post so I am finding it difficult to respond. It feels like I would be replying to something my neighbor wrote. Just had one of those days that stressed me out and my mind is l00 miles away.I do want to get back because I am sure I will have lots to say. So please forgive me and know that I appreciate each and every one that replied.

[radio_flyer]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It's hard to be in therapy if you don't know why you are there. For me I started therapy when I hit bottom and was just not functioning--hard to take care of my kids, go to work each day, walk around without crying all the time, etc. I realized I needed help.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

...... I pretty much hit "rock bottom" or it felt that way, when I started therapy. Life was out of control and I did not understand what was happening to me. Maybe I just don't understand therapy. I just know there was a reason I tried therapy.

When I said I am not sure what the purpose of therapy was, I am saying I do not know what purpose was served spending years in therapy. Maybe I just did not "get" it.

One has a toothache and goes to the dentist. The dentist identifies the problem and proceeds to work on the tooth that hurts. All done! One breaks an arm. Doctor x-rays the arm. Sees the bone is broken and puts a cast on the arm and the arm heals. Go to therapy and all one does is talk about a problem. Week in and week out. Some times years and years. For me, it did not help to talk about a problems over and over. I need to "understand" what is happening to me and what I need to do to get well, It does not help me to talk about awful things that happened to me in the past. So I guess I failed therapy or I just don't understand the therapy process. ........

[radio_flyer]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
But then sometimes we need to learn HOW to move forward. No force of will will do it. And sometimes we need to GRIEVE and PROCESS aspects of the past - precisely in order to move on. The balance between embracing the present / future and attempting to run from the past can be tricky. the balance between getting lost in the past and processing the past can be tricky.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

......O how true.. Finding that "balance" can be very tricky. And I agree that sometimes we need to learn how to move forward. This is where I would think therapy would be helpful.....

[radio_flyer]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Well, wouldn't those "problems" be the same as issues? It sound like you find the words mental health to be a problem. Maybe you could just think of it as health? Or psychological health?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

..... The words "mental heath" is not a problem for me. Maybe it was in the beginning, because I was "embarrassed" or "ashamed" seeing a therapist/counselor. Maybe it was because I feared I had gone crazy. Once the T said I wasn't crazy, it did not bother me anymore. The T was wrong in various areas, I hope he wasn't wrong about me not being nuts.
And if he was wrong. lol. all i can do is shrug my shoulders......

I am not against therapy. I think therapy helps a lot of people. Then there are a few like me, where they just "don't get it" or understands the purpose of therapy...........

[radio_flyer]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I was thinking that maybe sometimes when we have problems and we try therapy that somehow we get "hooked" into mental health issues. Once bitten we are drawn believing the rest of our lives we have "issues'. Like being in therapy has branded one for life. So and so does this or that which is out of character and the next thing they say ooo you have problems and need therapy.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

........ What I was trying to say is that not every problem one has has to be a "mental health" issue. It is normal when a child feels lost when his parents are going through a divorce. And he strikes out in anger. It is normal to feel "overwhelmed" or "afraid" when a man/woman is going through a divorce These are normal feelings. Not mental health issues. A T could very well be helpful during these distressful times. I guess this is where the once bitten one is hooked comes in. Everything ends up being a "mental health issue".......

What is "normal" for one person may not be "normal" for another. One person is raised one way and other person raised a different way, and each person "feels" they were raised "normal". When a person is out of their "comfort zone" and they don't feel comfortable this does not mean they are not normal. It is what they know, were taught, and how they were raised.......

[Mouse_]

sounds like your trying to work through some personal issues here. Trying to find where you are and why your there?

[radio_flyer]

Mouse... I think you are right. Something is stirring up. Hope I figure it out soon....