[Omers]

I have goals for the last 5 sessions with awesome T and one of them is tomorrow.
This week has been horrid... I have the last of my parts working on integrating... and my H HATES her. There were already enough tensions between us and this part coming more a true, accepted piece of me, is setting him off even more. My hormones are a wreck. I am doing selfcare and yet barely holding on... tonight the news comes that my mother is having serious health issues that may be the "C" word... an absolute trigger for the part that is integrating.

None of that was on my list of things to do with T before he goes out west. Not one.

T sent two emails this week... both made me cry. One about kicking my butt if I stray from my goals... the second about making his morning tea and cursing the light snow we got last night.

So, while I had goals for tomorrow, they will have to wait. I need emotional rest and love.

No matter what there are only 5 in person sessions until T goes out west... and I am still planning on ending therapy with him while he is away.

[AliceKate]

Your husband is in the wrong here. All of your parts are legitimate, you are not just made off of the parts he likes. Your H sounds like a child refusing to accept reality.
I am very sorry for the troubles you are facing. It sounds like a bad time for your T to be retiring of sorts. Will you transition to a different T?

[LonesomeTonight]

Hugs, Omers. I'm sorry you've had such a difficult week. I agree that your H is in the wrong. And I'm very sorry about your mother--I hope it isn't the C word.

You said that the goals will have to wait this week--I assume you mean you had specific goals to achieve in your last 5 sessions? I'm wondering if that's putting too much pressure on you, to think "I need to achieve x in these 5 weeks." Could you maybe decide to put those goals aside and just your time together in whatever way feels right in the moment?

And are you considering switching to another T? I think you mentioned finances being an issue in another thread, but even if it's just someone you could see, say, biweekly for a couple months to help you transition away from your T and therapy in general? Or could you potentially see this T for an occasional virtual session if needed? Not sure if anything in person will be possible in the future (trying to recall what you said in the other thread--I know it won't be for a while). Then it may feel less like a final "good-bye," so a bit less pressure (even though I know virtual isn't the same as in-person).

I do hope today is helpful and that he can give you the support you need.

[Omers]

Thanks!

T was helpful today and we had a good talk. I did not bring up my mother, we just never got there. The date T leaves to go out west for the winter is set in stone and then he will be doing virtual sessions one day a month while he is out there. Then will not be doing sessions at all for 2 months until his return. Once he returns he does not know what his schedule will look like but he would/will make space for me if I choose to keep working with him.

We talked about all of that a LOT today and what my expectations were and why I was choosing to do it this way. He was extremely concerned that I felt pressured by him to end therapy which I don't. I know therapy would change as his availability changes but he will make time for me for as long as I need and he is still physically capable. As I explained to him it is my hope to wrap things up before he goes out west... I don't do well with infrequent sessions and I hate virtual. BUT if it is too upsetting or I get too squirrely then we know I am not ready yet and I know he will be there... virtually... but he will be there. So nothing on my end is set in stone. I just know it would be easier for me to change the habit part of therapy when I know he is not available than sitting at home missing him knowing he is in his office.

Art T and I have not seen each other for a session in a few months but the last few times I saw her we did well together. She is not as helpful as T but she has made the changes needed to be able to help me and not set me off all the time. SO... I have art T if needed. I also still have Pdoc and will most likely need to see art T some to continue seeing Pdoc.

T today did something totally unexpected, loving, nurturing and so very in tune... He asked if I would like to see him in person when he gets back the end of May beginning of June... If we are still working together he will make time as soon as he gets home for an in person session. If we are not working together and I would like to see him he would be open to getting coffee or lunch so that I could be truly sure he made it home safe and sound. Even if it is my choice he doesn't want our last time together to be when he is going away unless that is truly what I need.

As far as working with another T I have mixed feelings... I know I will need therapy again once I get out of this marriage... but while I am in it I need to get my resources together to where I can get out. So... I most likely will wait until I am out... and I am pretty sure I am strong enough to do that and stick to it now... Awesome T has also stated that if I stay in any contact with him after we end therapy he WILL kick my @ss should I stray from my goals.

More later... crying too hard to type...

[velcro003]

Oh man, this sounds so so difficult, Omers. I am so glad Awesome T is still there for you even if in limited ways, if needed.

[ArtieTheSequal]

Hugs, Omers. This all sounds so very difficult. I'm glad to hear that he'll still be there for you if needed even if it's limited. And that you have Art t too if needed. I think you are very strong.