[Waterbear]

Hey guys,

I'm a bit stuck and could use the collective brain, as they say.

I brought something up in therapy today that my T said she hasn't been aware of prior. It's a feeling I get when we/I think about a caring relationship. About letting people close to me in the kind of way that a therapist would get close to a client and their 'stuff'.

I get it with friends too.

I said 'fear' but I'm really not sure there the right word, but I don't know what is. I've used the feelings wheel this afternoon and can't find it on there anywhere either.

It's as if I really want it but can't/won't let it happen, but I'm not sure why...

Any ideas??

[ArtieTheSequal]

Vulnerable is the first word that pops into my head...

[AliceKate]

Impending doom?

[Waterbear]

Originally Posted by AliceKate

Impending doom?

Yep, that sums it up!

[Waterbear]

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

Vulnerable is the first word that pops into my head...

I think there is an element of feeling vulnerable, for sure, but I'm not sure that's the feeling I'm struggling to identify. Maybe it's just an amalgamation of lots of feelings.

That said, I took another look at the feelings wheel and self conscious jumped out at me... This particular wheel has that linked back to shame... Interesting when that is one of the words we have on our 'to explore' list!

[nottrustin]

Apprehensive? Cautious?

[unaluna]

My first long term t called it "fear of intimacy". I was so young at the time - mid-20's?! - that i heard intimacy as a dirty word. Which it has remained so for the rest of my life.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Waterbear

I think there is an element of feeling vulnerable, for sure, but I'm not sure that's the feeling I'm struggling to identify. Maybe it's just an amalgamation of lots of feelings.

That said, I took another look at the feelings wheel and self conscious jumped out at me... This particular wheel has that linked back to shame... Interesting when that is one of the words we have on our 'to explore' list!

That sounds like an important realization! Out of curiosity, is the feelings wheel something that's online or something you bought (like a physical item)? I like the idea of it connecting a feeling to something like shame, as shame is something that I also deal with.

[ArtieTheSequal]

Originally Posted by unaluna

My first long term t called it "fear of intimacy". I was so young at the time - mid-20's?! - that i heard intimacy as a dirty word. Which it has remained so for the rest of my life.

Me too, una. It always made me very uncomfortable when L would talk about therapy being an intimate relationship. I don't like that word much.

[Waterbear]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Apprehensive? Cautious?

Oh yes, I think there's certainly a certain apprehensive feeling, thank you!

[Waterbear]

Originally Posted by unaluna

My first long term t called it "fear of intimacy". I was so young at the time - mid-20's?! - that i heard intimacy as a dirty word. Which it has remained so for the rest of my life.

Oh yes... I was definitely right there with you in the beginning. And it still is now, but at least I can think the word these days, so things must have improved a little. I would still never say it though, so there's probably a LOT of work to be done there still, and I am certainly still fearful of being close to people in that way. Thanks Una

[Waterbear]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

That sounds like an important realization! Out of curiosity, is the feelings wheel something that's online or something you bought (like a physical item)? I like the idea of it connecting a feeling to something like shame, as shame is something that I also deal with.

I think it is LT. Yes. I have one I printed off the internet... There's loads, but I just found one that sat well with me. It has three levels, an inner wheel of the overarching feelings, happy, sad, shame, anger, fear etc, then the middle wheel of less generic but not very specific emotions and an outer one with really quite specific feelings. I've also found a really useful 8 page document on shame, which has been a useful starting point for a feeling/thing I have never looked at in 6 years of therapy. Something definitely feels like it's shifting.