How do therapists end therapy?

When my therapist doesn't want to see a client any more, he just makes it gradually more uncomfortable until you have to stop going. Everything he says doesn't match what he does. I bring up these issues and just get empty responses.

I see him in a rented room space, a couple of months ago he told me his wife would be using the same room when he isn't there to do her work. She cleaned everything and moved all our stuff around.

He seemed almost proud to tell me this fact. We have had a lot of transference issues so I don't know why he thought this was a good idea to tell me.

So he's either completely out of touch with me, or more stupid than I ever thought possible. Or he just didn't want me to come and see him anymore. Either way I'm so hurt, alone and done. I can't believe it's ended like this after 5 and a half years. I never got a hug either.

Sorry to hear things are so hard right now. Why do you think he wants to end therapy? Has he ever mentioned therapy ending? Has he shared that this is his approach to ending things with clients? Most good therapists I think would not consciously this route as it would likely be very confusing and damaging for the client. Is it possible he is making a lot of bad decisions or mistakes lately that are causing ruptures.

My therapist has said they would just tell me if they felt that maybe needed to try something different which they did.

At the end of you post it sounds like you have stopped your therapy? Did you just decide not to go back?

He just does things that he knows will hurt me or mess with my head. Like telling me about his wife working in the room...he didn't have to tell me that, I would never have known anyway. He knows that room was my only safe space.

When I bring these things up as issues, he never takes responsibility, basically implies I'm projecting on to him etc. Or sometimes he says he will 'fix' it, but never does. Yesterday he started the session with 'so what would you like to talk about?' for no reason...he knows I hate that, and I never have trouble telling him what's on my mind, so the only reason to say it was to piss me off. I told him he was treating me like he didn't know me, again, and that it was so formal...he just repeats what I say.

Honestly the main issue for me is connecting with a person, how can I spend over 5 years in any kind of relationship and never have it grow...he is literally no closer to me than he was at the start. I don't see the point in wasting any more time there when he refuses to connect with me.

I know he will never just tell me he wants me to end therapy, because it's not professional. He's never suggested we work in a different way when something doesn't work. It used to feel like he really cared about me, I don't know if that was all pretend though.

That all sounds very hard.

I'm not experiencing the same thing but there are certainly similarities in my therapy so I can understand a-lot of your struggle. I also share a lot with my therapist about things I find hurtful yet they are often repeated. I have also been with her a long time and at times feel like she has a wall up that prevents her from really connecting with me. If I sense she is in that space my alarm bells go off and I cannot connect with her either so it's viscous cycle really who even knows which of us puts our wall up first.

You say it's not professional with of him to end therapy but that's not entirely true. I think the therapist would need to look out for the clients best interest so if felt he was no longer helping. Do you talk about all this with him? It sounds like you need to try someone else which I know you likely don't want to hear. I'm also at that point.

I'm so sorry that your therapist is doing this (and then denying that he is). It sounds so painful.

My therapist has said that he'd never terminate me unless I did something really extreme (like, the only client he's terminated physically threatened him to the point that he called 911). But I told him he could change rules, like no longer allow email, or become much colder (he's not the warmest to begin with) that would change the therapy and make me want to leave. And he said I had a really good point there, like I don't think he'd thought of it that way before.

With my former marriage counselor, he was very accepting of everything that I said or did until he very suddenly wasn't and was quite harsh to me about something. I've wondered before if he was just tired of me (well, us, but I doubt he was tired of my H) and in part reacted that way, in a very rejecting way, plus saying I had to reduce contact, because he suspected it would make me leave. I/we ultimately did, but we tried to make it work for a few months.

It does seem like you probably need to find a new therapist. This may not actually be about you or at least not about his trying to get you to leave, but it just seems that he's really hurting you right now. If he was taking ownership of things that hurt you and/or apologizing and trying to work through it/make it up to you, it would be different. But it doesn't seem like he's doing that. I'm sorry.

This sounds very familiar to me I'm sorry your T is so out of touch with you. Please, don't blame yourself

I'm so sorry your T is treating you so badly. I know it must hurt a lot, especially when you've been working together for over 5 years.

Years ago I had a long term T whom I thought I had a good relationship with. Then one week, out of the blue, she ended our sessions, by text. I had no proper closure, and was left totally adrift and unsupported, whilst feeling like I'd done something wrong. So different situation, but I totally get how betrayed and devastated you may feel.

If you have the opportunity to talk it through with him, I'd think that is probably the best option. But it sounds as though he for whatever reason, isn't prepared to own his own stuff. So you may need to make the hard decision yourself as to whether it's worth the potential harm to you, to continue working with him.

I hope you can get this figured out for your own peace of mind.

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East17, that is appalling

Why can't some of them own their own stuff. Why do they make US feel like we've done something wrong. Why do they lie. Why do they twist our words. Why do they suddenly become angry, out of nowhere. I've had T's who have done all of these things.

I also get how betrayed and devastated a long term therapist who behaves in awful, rejecting ways for no logical reason makes us feel.

I think it would probably be harmful for you to continue to work with him. If he can't own his own stuff. (I've been there