[Omers]

So New T told me he would try to send me the new boundaries today and if I agreed to them I could set up our next session. I have been anxiously checking my email and have not gotten anything... can't help but have doubts.

Twice this evening I have seen my unread messages count increase by one and have eagerly jumped over to check. The first was awesome T checking in because he expected to hear from me over the holiday and had not. Lots and lots of tears. Spent a long time trying to craft a reply to him that was honest and open about where I am at but that did not put him back into the role of therapist.
And, just now he sent a reply.

The contrast between them is hard. I know new T cares about me and awesome T loves me and they both have my best interest in mind. They are very different people with the same title in my life but at very different places. I am trying very hard to hold the "both/and" in my mind and I think I am doing a good job but it is so hard to know when there are not any unbiased outside views to help.

It is also really hard right now not to feel as though new T is manipulating to see what my reaction will be if he doesn't send it.

Patience...

[LonesomeTonight]

Hugs, Omers. I hope you hear from him soon. It could be that New T just got busy and didn't have a chance to send them. Or it slipped his mind, which likely has nothing to do with you personally, even if you might feel like it (I know my T has forgotten things before, and it's difficult). If you don't hear by, say, this morning, maybe consider sending an email asking about them? Just like, "Hey, I thought you were going to send the list of boundaries I would need to agree to before we schedule another session. So just checking on those."

And I forget--has Awesome T spoken to New T at all? If they're willing to do that, just think it could help. Or even if Awesome T spoke to him before, it could help to talk again now. I imagine you could ask Awesome T to limit what he says, if you prefer that.

[Omers]

New T sent me a text today letting me know that he had a death in the family which sounded very unexpected. I let him know that we were OK and to take his time getting back to me.
New T seems very resistant to calling awesome T. I have brought it up a few times. From my perspective he does not have a lot of respect for awesome T because their styles are very different. I find that really sad seeing as I can find value in both but... New T is, well, aptly labeled :LOL: . He is a new T and while he is 10 years older than me he is 20 years younger than awesome T and I sense a lot of immaturity?? Mostly out of insecurity?? There are a LOT of assumptions there and a lot of mind reading to come to that conclusion... and I choose not to challenge it because honestly it is the reasoning I am most able to be compassionate to. And, in fairness one of the things we did discuss last session was how little history of mine new T was willing/able to allow space for and that if more space were allowed for history I think it would reduce a lot of the issues we are having including the misunderstanding about awesome T. Given the death in his family I am unsure as to when we will pick things back up.

I m also considering asking that we record sessions... I HATE the idea... but... There are a lot of things he is saying he said or that I said that I don't remember. Clearly I know that I am dissociative so that is always a possibility but there seems to be a lot more of it than I have ever experienced before. So I am thinking there may be a "both/and" here where he is thinking some things but doesn't actually say them then thinks they were spoken and a lot of dissociation. It is all so sketchy though because I don't know why I would be checking out as I am not seeing or hearing any known triggers.

And, in looking at things objectively we are in the middle of a really huge storm that anyone with a clear view looking in from the outside would wonder how I am still functioning. My mother is dying, awesome T retiring, my home life getting less stable, finances getting less stable (my H took a pay cut the equivalent of me quitting my job all together without open discussion), Other financial obligations doubling in cost, major changes at work, the loss of a couple of pets including one I was particularly dependent on... I usually run high on those stress test thingies but I am pretty sure I would max it out right now. So.. I am counting still standing as a win.

[LonesomeTonight]

I'm glad New T did reach out to you, but I'm sorry that you now don't know what the timing will be (and sorry about the death in his family).

It's interesting to me that he doesn't want to talk to Awesome T. My T was bothered that I didn't want him to talk to ex-T and initially not to ex-MC (I eventually gave him limited permission for him, but not for ex-T). Even if he doesn't agree with Awesome T's techniques, it seems like it would be helpful to get his insight into you.

And it does sound like you're doing a great job of managing a lot of really difficult stuff right now. Do you have any plans to see Art T?

[nottrustin]

This seems so hard. Sorry you are going through all of this but kudos for sticking with it.

Just want to comment briefly on new T not wanting to talk to awesome T. My therapist is mentioned not really putting a lot of stock in information from prior or other therapists. Her reason is she wants to form her own assessments and learn information directly from the client. Since dynamics can be different with different therapists different information as well as interpretations are likely to be there. She feels getting info from other T'S could have a negative impact on how she works with the client.

She did speak to my long term therapist but more to coordinate a plan as I would see them both. She kept in mind things she learned but still was curiois and did not assume information about me and my history.

[Omers]

I did talk to awesome T about he and new T talking as we were closing our work together because I thought it would be beneficial. Awesome T said that unless a new T had specific questions they would not typically talk. Awesome T isn't going anywhere (more than he has since we closed) so it will always be an option. Pdoc is also a great resource as she has worked with me for almost 15 years.

New T threw out there last session that he was concerned that I had borderline personality disorder and he was not qualified to treat that (which sounds stupid and biased to me but...). So I guess what Awesome T or Pdoc could share of most importance is how my behavior for the past month or so is reflective of the number of stressors I have and it not how I typically present. Truthfully if I am honest with Pdoc about the past few weeks I would get a serious scolding from her. She knows that I don't usually out stress like that.

[LonesomeTonight]

Hugs, Omers. I'd be wary of his trying to diagnose a personality disorder after having seen him such a short amount of time, particularly one that has been very stressful for you. Plus, I know BPD is disproportionately diagnosed in females. From what my T has said, people can also have some BPD traits without actually having BPD (he's said that's the case for me, that I may have a couple traits, but I definitely wouldn't meet the criteria for an actual diagnosis).

Is New T willing to talk to your Pdoc? I know that would involve your Pdoc knowing what's happened in the past few weeks, but she could also tell New T that this isn't typical for you.

I should add that there's nothing inherently wrong with having BPD. It just seems very premature for him to be throwing out a possible diagnosis at this point.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I wouldn't trust anyone new to make a new diagnosis. My last pdoc tried to tell me that I had bipolar based upon one stupid test. The test, if the specific questions were looked at instead of numbers, would show I suffer from depression and some OCD traits. But all the mania questions I put no for. It really upset me because I know myself, my symptoms, and my diagnoses. And her comes this new woman judging me without even knowing me.

This new T, imho, is showing a ton of red flags. Be careful Omers. You know yourself best.