I will be home from my vacation at Disney World tomorrow. I have missed everyone here! Of course, I've also made it a week without T. WOW. It's been really relaxing and enjoyable for the most part. BUT there were a few exceptions.

Here's my problem - my husband checks out other girls when we are walking through the parks, etc. Yes, I know the "look but don't touch" theory. However, he does it continuously and it drives me crazy. Last year when we were here, he did the same thing (and years before). I've told him how much it hurts me, that it makes me feel like an idiot. He does it excessively, obsessively. I'm obsessed with him doing it, so I constantly scan the environment to see who he's checking out. I know some of it is my obsessiveness, believe me. However, some of it is his obsessiveness. Last night, I was so angry at him. A few times the targeted girl held his stare until she passed him. Ughhhhh. He's admitted to doing this. He knows he does it obsessively. This should make me feel better, but it doesn't. I feel so f*&(ing worthless, like I'm nothing. It totally triggers my storage of intense emotions. I've already emailed T about this and will talk to him on Tuesday. My husband is wonderful, always supportive, he cooks, he cleans and is the best father. So, I don't want to paint a picture of a horrible man because this is not the case. I know some of it is my past issues of feeling worthless being triggered. Does anyone else have this problem?

[Perna]

Do it together, Solairee, instead of taking it personally. Comment on the women as you would with a girlfriend :-) Make comments about her suitability for your husband ("Breasts aren't big enough for you, are they?" :-) and make it into a fun game. It could help quit hurting you and you'll learn more about your husband and his tastes? Too, you can tease him by looking at a few guys and pretending to be interested in them.

[MissCharlotte]

Ummmm

OMG Soliaree, I was thinking about you this morning and wondering where you were. When I saw your posting I thought it said "Vatican." LOL I thought you had become a nun!!!!

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supportive, he cooks, he cleans and is the best father

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So, where in this description is he looking at you? Hmmmm, maybe you two need a couples vacation without the kids?

Welcome back.

Peace

:heart_sp:

[Mouse_]

Sounds like your hubby is very insecure in_who_is and is trying to offload those feelings onto you and you are walking right into it. Perhaps saying something like, "I;ll let you walk around and stare at the girls on your own for a while, becuase I find you repulsive and boring when you do this" then watch his ego drop!

maybe half the obsession is the rxn you have soli.. i feeds it and your own feelings of inadequacy. It would drive nuts too.. and i think feeling that way is perfectly appropriate. i mean, looking and not touching is one thing.. making it obvious in front of you is %#@&#! rude and disrespectful. It doesn't mean he is a bad person, but he is doing something bad. The convo between you is about respect. How would it be if he whistled and cat called? Thats not touching either.. but its an extreme to prove a point.. respect. You deserve respect soli, and you have every right to ask for it. i know how it feels to feel like your feelings are somehow silly or not ok. But feelings are feelings.. they just are.

i don't know how to solve it and i've not had to deal with it more than once or twice... but you both need to deal with it. Disrespect is coming from somewhere.

whenever i've had it happen i have made some comment to the guy i was with about his being an ***** and they were always really embarassed to have been caught in the act. So i dunno.. his insistence on continuing is troubling. How would he feel if you were doing it?

he sounds like a good guy soli, no worries about saying how this makes you feel.. it's just an inappropriate behaviour that needs to be addressed. i'm sure you guys can work it out.

oh shoot!

WELCOME BACK!!!!!!!!!

Perna,
I really wish I could do this instead of taking it personally. The problem is that it stirs up my intense borderline emotions that fear abandonment. The last day we were there, though, he paid more attention to me and that helped calm my anger. I know it is something that I am going to have to work on in therapy, though, along with all the other @#%!.

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I thought you had become a nun!!!!

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Sister, I am already a nun (LOL). It was really hot walking around Disney World in all of those clothes

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Hmmmm, maybe you two need a couples vacation without the kids?

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Yes, I think that would be nice! Since we are out of money, though, maybe I'll get the Grandparents to watch my daughter for a night

Mouse,
Yeah, I'm not sure if I am reading too much into what I see or not. I do watch him obsessively and know that if you are looking for something you'll probably find it. Then again, I may be right. Who knows? I think he is insecure, though. I'll have to remember your quote, though, if it happens again! That sounds like an ego-dropper!

Yeah, Fluffy, it's a difficult situation. Again, I don't know if it is just me or not. But it will be something we will have to figure out, you are right.