Couch 243: Winchester Cathedral

Well lunch break is about over, time to go re-up my tea then log back into work. Hugs/headnods all around as needed/wanted/appropriate.

I love her bit on people with huge baby buggies that take up the whole sidewalk

Glad you enjoyed it! Agreed about our musical tastes.

You'd probably like the National album I Am Easy to Find that was out a few years ago--much of it involves females singing on the tracks. "Hey Rosey" is one. And the title track. I can come up with some more specific recommendations for you if you want! They have a pretty big back catalog.

The one I played for Dr. T a few years ago is "Terrible Love" from an earlier album ("High Violet"). You might like that, too.

Glad you liked it, Artie! I'm not too familiar with Julian Lennon, so maybe I should check him out more. And yeah, trippy video!

And agreed on the living with my mind thing.

I'm going to go have a listen to some more of their stuff after work today, maybe I can get inspired for today's poem.

So the writing course I'm doing started yesterday, one of the first prompts is to write in detail about your first soulful, romantic encounter, not holding back, what made it memorable, what you were wearing, the physical environment, etc. I wrote about J, of course. I don't really consider any other romantic encounters I've had as soulful except for with her. At 60, that's a rather sad thing to say, isn't it. Then again, she was my first love so... in a way it makes sense. When I was with the alcoholic ex, there was never anything romantic about it, even though we lived together for 5 years, at least not what i consider romantic. I suppose I try to find 'romance' with H wherever I can - like, when he actually notices when I'm tired and does one of the chores I usually do for me (like cleaning the litter boxes) without being asked - I've learned to see the romance in stuff like that. But soulful? Nah.

That's a pretty intense first prompt! Mine was just about "firsts" in general, so I could pick whatever. How did it feel writing about it?

I understand about things not feeling "soulful" now. I feel like the only really "soulful" encounters I can think of were in my teens and early 20s. But I sometimes wonder if it was that I was different then--maybe I can't feel things the same way any more? Or was it partly the novelty? Both in that I was young and didn't have as many experiences and also that I wasn't with the same person for 17 years? (Think that's how long I've been with H--maybe 18?)

It was pretty intense! I'm not posting it for feedback, just keeping this one for me. Y'know that makes sense- I was only 24 at the time, still fairly inexperienced, still very much a romantic dreamer, hadn't yet dated any men, and it was in a beautiful place (the grand canyon), so I was 1500 miles from home and feeling pretty darn free, and also biggest thing probably is that I didn't yet have any "adult" responsibilities like car payments/bills/mortgages etc. It's funny I had dated 2 other women before J (during college) but it wasn't the same soulful connection with them as with J. I remember the first time I told L about her, I showed her a poem I had written to J and she was so touched, she said "Awwww she was your first love" and I hadn't until that moment really realized that was true. Sure I'd dated before but wasn't head over heels in love with either of them. That didn't happen til J and I haven't felt that way since about the alcoholic, or the guy inbetween him and H, or about H. Maybe it is just cuz I didn't meet H until I was 35 or whatever and already jaded and world-weary.

Anyway I did enjoy writing it, even though it tweaked at my heart strings a bit!

We don't necessarily have to follow the prompts, so I'm going to write something else to share.

I think you should share it! Don't hide the powerful stuff.

Agreed!

LT-You’ve been married as long as I’ve been working at my company. *jaw drop*

I realize I really do want feedback on my writing so - gulp - I just posted it, welcoming feedback from all.

There are 56 members in the private group so far.

Well, that was how long we've been together. It will be 15 years of marriage in a couple weeks. It does feel like a very long time...

It's funny, not counting doing freelance work for the same vendor, the longest I've been with a company working full-time is like 3 years!

That's so brave of you! And awesome. I hope you get good/helpful feedback, Artie.

Thanks LT! I did already last night almost right away, someone responded with a good suggestion for making it feel even more vivid. I recall similar feedback from the poetry writing class I took a few years ago; that I seem to hold back too much of my feelings. I did better in this piece, I know, but I can see re-reading it this morning that I am still holding back, still not putting enough of me into it. It's one thing being vulnerable in therapy (which is hard enough). But in a personal writing like this, even harder huh.

Glad you got some helpful feedback! I also feel I was holding back in my most recent submission, but I'm curious as to what the instructor will say. I think i should be getting feedback by tomorrow, as it's 3 business days, and I submitted it Tuesday morning my time (which is afternoon her time). I'm hoping it's before session at 1, in case I want to talk about it. I also want the next assignment to be working on--she sends those with feedback.

For what it's worth, I think it's common to hold back in early submissions to writing courses/workshops/groups.

Just like in a storytelling sense you might not want to reveal every detail at once, it can be wise to get to know your group before you dive in.

(I'll get down off my Workshop Facilitator soapbox now.)

Today's session wiped me out, and I don't feel that next week will be any easier.
Tomorrow I have a belated Easter visit with my nephew, so I'm looking forward to some time out of my own head.

Drove through Salt River Canyon today. Beautiful. Hiking at Round Mountain Park tomorrow morning.

Shutting down is a normal response when we are overwhelmed. Don't try to push through it, when you are feeling like that. Work on feeling/ doing stuff that makes you feel safe. If you would be comfortable with touch, I think you could really benefit from bodywork or massages to help you get more connected with your body.

Had a wonderful hike this morning! I took half a gazillion pics, the wildflowers were just incredible. We made it to the top this time woohoo! That was our goal. Then we hiked another trail and did some other walking around town. About 3.75 miles all total. H is asleep now, that was more walking in one day than he's done in a long time. Here's a couple pics.

So beautiful, Artie...on every level.

Oops, here's one more of the flag at the top, from lower down the trail.

Great pics, Artie--thanks for sharing!

It is really starting to sink in that on Wed, I am not going to walk into the preschool for the first time in 13 years, and it feels like no one cares. I’ve been hyperventilating/crying for over an hour and can’t calm down. I am in complete panic. My therapist
keeps telling me that I can handle this, but I don’t think I can.

I think even my cats are afraid of me.

We care. I'm also thankful that they found you another job, because being jobless while you're incapacitated would be disastrous. I remain hopeful that your medical issues will get sorted and that you'll be back in that preschool soon.