Couch 245: STELLA!

unaluna · Sep 26, 2023 at 03:35 PM

Artie - much sympathy! When i had my play read, one of the criticisms was, nobody changes. Well duh, if i knew how to change...! Write what you know, right?

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 26, 2023 at 06:36 PM

Well, we'll see what happens, Una. It may not go anywhere... just like me

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 26, 2023 at 06:53 PM

actually i'm just sitting down to start right now - H's car broke down while he was on a job today so i had to go pick him up at the repair shop where he limped his car to.

atisketatasket · Sep 26, 2023 at 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Artie - much sympathy! When i had my play read, one of the criticisms was, nobody changes. Well duh, if i knew how to change...! Write what you know, right?

Personally I don’t think that’s a valid criticism. Your message might have been, nobody changes.

I think the only way to really change is to plunge into it. At least for me, that’s been the case with disability advocacy.

Congrats on the house, WFS!

unaluna · Sep 27, 2023 at 07:32 AM

@@ -thats why your the one!

LonesomeTonight · Sep 27, 2023 at 02:16 PM

Dr. T may have a side gig in writing Hallmark cards. Today: "I've never dreaded seeing you." Me: "uh...thanks?"

Note: I did not lead him into that particular phrasing. Like, I didn't say, "I worry you sometimes dread seeing me." It was in response to my saying how he didn't really react when I told him happy 6 years last week. How I knew there had been challenging moments in the relationship in the past year, so the thera-versary was a bit more meaningful to me. So I felt a little awkward that he didn't really say anything, but that I also knew how it could be an awkward thing for him, like he wouldn't want to say, "I'm glad you've had another year of mental health issues that kept you here!" Before this statement, he did say he valued me as a client, and he went on to say some more positive things after. But the comment I mentioned above just jumped out as sort of funny, like, "Uh, is that supposed to make me feel better?"

stopdog · Sep 27, 2023 at 02:36 PM

I don't see what would be weird or odd about it

LostOnTheTrail · Sep 27, 2023 at 03:31 PM

Ouch, LT.

I can understand why you might feel a little uncomfortable with that phrasing.
It's almost as if he's saying he has never felt that strongly about seeing you.
Hopefully it's just in the sense that many people aren't overjoyed at their job every day.

He's chosen to welcome you as a client [even though he seems to struggle with the welcoming part] and that means he ought to be OK with your foibles.

I think these anniversaries hold more weight for us as clients than they would for our providers.

Could be that my wiring around anniversaries in general is different, though.

You deserve to feel heard, and I hope you can seek out opportunities to find that.

Take care,

Lost

LonesomeTonight · Sep 27, 2023 at 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't see what would be weird or odd about it

Assuming you're referencing what I said, it's the absence of bad rather than the presence of good.

Like: "How do you like Restaurant A?" "Well, the food has never been inedible." vs. "The food is generally good" or "the service is pleasant and prompt."

Someone else can probably explain it better than me.

LostOnTheTrail · Sep 27, 2023 at 04:08 PM

That explains it perfectly, LT.

LonesomeTonight · Sep 27, 2023 at 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Ouch, LT.

I can understand why you might feel a little uncomfortable with that phrasing.
It's almost as if he's saying he has never felt that strongly about seeing you.
Hopefully it's just in the sense that many people aren't overjoyed at their job every day.

He's chosen to welcome you as a client [even though he seems to struggle with the welcoming part] and that means he ought to be OK with your foibles.

I think these anniversaries hold more weight for us as clients than they would for our providers.

Could be that my wiring around anniversaries in general is different, though.

You deserve to feel heard, and I hope you can seek out opportunities to find that.

Take care,

Lost

Thanks, Lost. I figured you'd get it. I appreciate your comments.

And it does help that he later said he valued me as a client, that I'm interesting (in part because I'm different from his typical clients), that sessions with me tend to go by quickly, and that he's learned a lot from me (he said all that on his own, like I wasn't feeding him words).

I think he just very much separates his professional and personal life in his head, hence the "as a client" and such.

And he's said before that anniversaries (though more of negative events) in general seem to hold more weight for me than the average person. But I'm sure they do from the client side rather than the therapist side, too.

You take care, too.

LostOnTheTrail · Sep 27, 2023 at 05:01 PM

I've read that human beings tend to fixate (albeit unconsciously) on details during significant or stressful events.

The mind has a way of cataloguing everything as a survival mechanism, and in the aftermath that can become problematic.

stopdog · 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Assuming you're referencing what I said, it's the absence of bad rather than the presence of good.

Like: "How do you like Restaurant A?" "Well, the food has never been inedible." vs. "The food is generally good" or "the service is pleasant and prompt."

Someone else can probably explain it better than me.

I don't really see a difference -but I am more of a well the food is not inedible (high praise) sort than the service is pleasant and prompt (which to me would be very damning).
I also am not big on anniversaries in that I never remember them. I couldn't say what season or year I hired either of the two women - let alone month or exact date. I don't remember when I first met my person or the person I am seeing now. Luckily for me, neither of them knew or knows either.

unaluna · Sep 27, 2023 at 07:38 PM

The food is terrible, and the portions are so small.
- from Annie Hall

stopdog · Sep 27, 2023 at 08:21 PM

I don't dislike that movie.

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 27, 2023 at 08:22 PM

we had a gift card for a mexican restaurant here so just went and ate dinner there, the portions were decidedly NOT small and we both brought half of our meals home. not much conversation, but good food. So, lunch tomorrow woohoo!

unaluna · Sep 27, 2023 at 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't dislike that movie.

We didn't even KNOW Christopher Walken back then.

Ive seen it 20 plus times? And i still can't anticipate what scene comes next.

ScarletPimpernel · Sep 27, 2023 at 10:03 PM

I'm in a depressive episode.

That’s on top of all the grief around L's leave. I barely have the energy to get out of bed. All I've done the last 3 days is sleep. I'm pretty sure it's from my new pdoc adjusting my meds. She said I'm taking too many and 2 are double the CDC recommended dose. I agreed with her, but I forgot how much it sucks to adjust meds.

atisketatasket · Sep 27, 2023 at 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

@@ -thats why you’re the one!

Yeah, but I’m not The One for you.

I usually remember traumatic anniversaries (death dates, that kind of thing). Good anniversaries, not so much.

LonesomeTonight · Sep 28, 2023 at 06:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I'm in a depressive episode.

That’s on top of all the grief around L's leave. I barely have the energy to get out of bed. All I've done the last 3 days is sleep. I'm pretty sure it's from my new pdoc adjusting my meds. She said I'm taking too many and 2 are double the CDC recommended dose. I agreed with her, but I forgot how much it sucks to adjust meds.

Hugs, Scarlet, I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I hope you come out of it soon. Is it possible for her to consult with the pdoc who initially prescribed those doses?

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Couch 245: STELLA!

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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,967 (SuperPoster!) 13 68.9k hugs given	Sep 26, 2023 at 03:35 PM #661 Artie - much sympathy! When i had my play read, one of the criticisms was, nobody changes. Well duh, if i knew how to change...! Write what you know, right?

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,605 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,018 hugs given	Sep 26, 2023 at 06:36 PM #662 Well, we'll see what happens, Una. It may not go anywhere... just like me

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,605 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,018 hugs given	Sep 26, 2023 at 06:53 PM #663 actually i'm just sitting down to start right now - H's car broke down while he was on a job today so i had to go pick him up at the repair shop where he limped his car to.

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,967 (SuperPoster!) 13 68.9k hugs given	Sep 27, 2023 at 07:32 AM #665 @@ -thats why your the one!

stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 35,051 (SuperPoster!) 13 1 hugs given	Sep 27, 2023 at 02:36 PM #667 I don't see what would be weird or odd about it __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,967 (SuperPoster!) 13 68.9k hugs given	Sep 27, 2023 at 07:38 PM #674 The food is terrible, and the portions are so small. - from Annie Hall

stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 35,051 (SuperPoster!) 13 1 hugs given	Sep 27, 2023 at 08:21 PM #675 I don't dislike that movie. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,605 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,018 hugs given	Sep 27, 2023 at 08:22 PM #676 we had a gift card for a mexican restaurant here so just went and ate dinner there, the portions were decidedly NOT small and we both brought half of our meals home. not much conversation, but good food. So, lunch tomorrow woohoo!