Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

Dear T,


It seems some of my fears were founded. At least you were empathetic (for the most part) about the stuff with my mom.

Love,
LT

Thanks for not seeing me today. Not like I could really use some support right now or anything... I am seriously considering drinking again because I cannot deal, but no, I'm going to do a coping thing and go to Guitar Center and test some stuff out, see what's out there now.

During lockdown, Thursdays began to feel like a destination.
Then Steve died, and that feeling never left.

I appreciated not fielding 'How are you?' during today's work Zoom meeting.
Then the question arrived via email from a senior colleague, after I posted my latest artwork on social media.

All I could do was tell [part of] the truth.

Dear T,

I wish I could tell you why it was so funny which song the one band closed with last night. And maybe I told you back when it initially led to that (private) meme my friend created early on in my seeing you from your professional website pic. But now knowing how you are about photos being used, I doubt you'd find it amusing.


Love,
LT

Dear T,

Also, I'm really on the fence on whether to meet that Thursday before the move. I suppose I have time to decide. I just don't know if virtual, even with your screen turned to the window, would feel too sad. And you'll likely be preoccupied with the move, so I fear you'll be distant. Well, and that I'll be distant, too, in trying to protect myself. And there's already the distance that virtual gives.

I just worry I'll feel sad and disconnected, then will take that into the weekend when I'm on solo D duty. Maybe we can discuss it. And perhaps you'd be open to a morning-of decision? Or at least night before.

I also wish you could guarantee you wouldn't take certain things out of the office before that Tuesday's session, too. (You said before it wouldn't be till after, but I guess you've changed your mind?) Maybe I'll ask about it again Monday. There are many things I don't really care about. And you said you'd forewarn me, but if you're like, "I already packed up the fish," that would be extremely difficult for me. At least I already got the stone back.

I suppose I could just ask you to hold off on packing the fish up. I mean, it's one item, it's not going to take you that long to wrap it in newspaper or whatever. I understand if you're moving the paintings yourself that you might have to take those down early, but I'd feel OK about that, I think? And the sconces.

Love,
LT

I make it five more sleeps.

Explaining the aftermath is hard.