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  #551  
Old May 06, 2024, 04:53 PM
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LostOnTheTrail LostOnTheTrail is offline
Human Feeling
 
Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,810
'When you're kneeling through the hours
And you're doubting your given powers
And when you're ready for her mercy
And you're worthy, then it will come...'



I cannot yet give voice to the primal element of my grief for Steve, but this performance of this song reaches an intensity that goes some way toward explaining it.
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'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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  #552  
Old May 06, 2024, 07:28 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
Always in This Twilight
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 22,040
Dear T,

It occurs to me that part of what's particularly difficult for me is your shifting narrative. At first, it's "There might not be room for the fish." Then it's "I want to have free reign to decorate my office as I choose." Now it's "Maybe I'll completely change the theme and look of the office." I understand you're trying to figure out what to do, but could you just pick a narrative? I could handle it much better if you keep many familiar things, even if Fish isn't one.

If you completely redecorate your office with new s...stuff, then it will be difficult to connect it with you. I strongly suspect at least a few other clients might feel similarly, even if they don't say anything about it. Please take us into account, too. I mean, we're paying for your new office, so...

Love,
LT
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  #553  
Old May 07, 2024, 03:21 AM
Mountaindewed's Avatar
Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 41,937
I want to discuss non health related stuff today. I'm not sure how to bring up some stuff though.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka
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  #554  
Old May 08, 2024, 01:12 PM
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LostOnTheTrail LostOnTheTrail is offline
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Location: England
Posts: 5,810
TW for discussion of religion.

Emotional Lost nearly came to work today.

We haven't talked a great deal about my faith, but I think we need to.

I don't know how you feel about having that conversation.

Possible trigger:
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight
  #555  
Old May 09, 2024, 07:57 AM
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LostOnTheTrail LostOnTheTrail is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,810
Thank you for bringing me back to earth.

We have a plan, and that helps.

'I love the way you talk about music' means a lot to me.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight
  #556  
Old May 09, 2024, 05:20 PM
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Lemoncake Lemoncake is offline
Roses are falling.
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Seattle.
Posts: 10,058
Cycling trivialities …
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  #557  
Old May 09, 2024, 11:00 PM
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DP_2017 DP_2017 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,414
Dear former T
...
You suck. You have ruined me mentally and I hope you fail at your job

Dear new t.

Hopefully we click. I need a reason to believe therapy is worth it again
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Grief is the price you pay for love.
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  #558  
Old May 10, 2024, 11:12 AM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is offline
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Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 41,937
Did my scheduling email go to your spam folder again? Not that its that big of a deal.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka
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  #559  
Old May 10, 2024, 11:18 AM
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ArtieTheSequal ArtieTheSequal is offline
Starting a new chapter!
 
Member Since: Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,728
$1680 saved as of today and yes I am still counting.
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Thanks for this!
InkyBooky
  #560  
Old May 13, 2024, 12:55 PM
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LostOnTheTrail LostOnTheTrail is offline
Human Feeling
 
Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,810
I told G (new support worker) about Steve today.

On my birthday, because I am a deeply feeling human.

I didn't expect the conversation to go in that direction, but...she understands.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
  #561  
Old May 13, 2024, 02:06 PM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is offline
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Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 41,937
Well they haven't cancelled yet. Theres still plenty of time though.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka
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  #562  
Old May 13, 2024, 04:33 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
Always in This Twilight
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 22,040
Dear T,

Happy 54th Birthday! Because I couldn't say it in session, though you understood my allusion to it. I suppose it was fairly obvious.

I feel disconnected from you. I don't know if it's partly because of the above, your talking about texting with your friends, unresolved stuff from last week, and/or other stuff. Guess I'll try to ponder it and write about it between now and next session, see what bubbles up.

Love,
LT
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  #563  
Old May 14, 2024, 07:40 PM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 41,937
Possible trigger:


I feel it deep in my blood sometimes. Spring of 06.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka
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  #564  
Old May 15, 2024, 07:08 PM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
Where am I?
 
Member Since: Sep 2020
Location: Live Free or Die!
Posts: 7,147
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

Possible trigger:
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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  #565  
Old May 15, 2024, 09:17 PM
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ArtieTheSequal ArtieTheSequal is offline
Starting a new chapter!
 
Member Since: Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,728
omgosh I love writing (and revising) poetry every day! This practice makes my soul so happy. And I'm not even writing about you/therapy anymore. How about that?
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Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight
  #566  
Old May 15, 2024, 11:03 PM
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ScarletPimpernel ScarletPimpernel is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 9,033
I understand things happen, but I really needed you tonight. I waited all day for you. And tomorrow is extremely inconvenient for me. The night before the move? I have other things I need to do!
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"Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
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  #567  
Old May 16, 2024, 12:01 AM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is offline
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Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 41,937
Theres a song on my phone called Greenlight. It reminds me of when one of my therapists called me a greenlight for saying you don't mess with small peoples food and you don't mess with big peoples food.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka
  #568  
Old May 16, 2024, 10:11 AM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is offline
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Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 41,937
I think you'll be pretty concerned about me throwing up in my sleep. Its not as funny as having diarrhea in your sleep which you did think was pretty funny.
__________________
"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka
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  #569  
Old May 16, 2024, 04:23 PM
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LostOnTheTrail LostOnTheTrail is offline
Human Feeling
 
Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,810
Our soluble session was followed by a griefquake watching This is Us.

I'll make contact with the helpline tomorrow.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight
  #570  
Old May 17, 2024, 02:27 AM
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LostOnTheTrail LostOnTheTrail is offline
Human Feeling
 
Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,810
So, the chances are I'm not your first client to cry over something inconsequential and then end up sobbing over something else?
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight
  #571  
Old May 17, 2024, 12:59 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
Always in This Twilight
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 22,040
Dear T,

I kind of wish you'd either confirmed or denied that it was your wife. Or, if you weren't willing to do that, to ask me how it felt if I thought that she was. I felt weird talking about it, not knowing who it was.

I do find it sort of odd that when I asked if it was you, then said, "I guess it could be a doppelganger," you said, "It was me. I wouldn't lie to you, LT." Just weird you'd throw that in.

I will do my best to put this out of my mind. I certainly wouldn't email about it. (Though, I suppose I'm going to a concert tonight--maybe I should temporarily delete Gmail from my phone!) May want to talk about it more Monday though, I don't know.

Love,
LT
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  #572  
Old May 17, 2024, 02:52 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
Always in This Twilight
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 22,040
Dear T,

Also, I appreciated the "weird" exchange at the end. Felt warm and connecting, especially as we were both laughing.

Love,
LT
  #573  
Old May 17, 2024, 03:38 PM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
Where am I?
 
Member Since: Sep 2020
Location: Live Free or Die!
Posts: 7,147
I be calling later bored, hopeless, and hopefully not inebriated. I have a feeling either so little is going to happen tonight or A LOOOOT of shyts going to go down. The “passive” suicidality will kill me, but nobody cares because I don’t have a plan of overtly committing suicide.
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
Hugs from:
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  #574  
Old May 17, 2024, 07:12 PM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 41,937
You looked slightly uneasy when I said "I was just dreaming about my hot PT"

Then later you said "you were just having a nice dream."

We were talking about me throwing up in my sleep.

I know you get that slight unease look when I talk about liking females. But don't worry.
__________________
"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka
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  #575  
Old May 18, 2024, 09:37 AM
Elio Elio is offline
...............
 
Member Since: Sep 2006
Location: in my head
Posts: 2,913
Dr. S. That was pretty bad. I don't think I would have expected it from you. I guess that is really a difference between job you and real you. You thought it was ok to do what you did now that you are not responsible for my care.
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