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#751
Jul 29, 2024, 08:40 AM
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Hi R,
At what point do people usually learn to sit with their feelings? I feel like I'm missing that vital knowledge/ability.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
 LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#752
Jul 29, 2024, 09:03 AM
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Quote:
Right there with you, Lost. Hugs... |
| LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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#753
Jul 29, 2024, 10:25 AM
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t,
i don’t even know what to talk about tomorrow. i’m tired of talking about the same stuff over and over. me
__________________
Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. |
| LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#754
Jul 29, 2024, 12:12 PM
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I did not expect to put my website and author page into a kind of hibernation over the summer.
I can't write about any of this publicly, so there's little point in keeping them active.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
| LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#755
Jul 29, 2024, 12:41 PM
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i wish you werent on vacay. i coudl really use some support. i do see pdoc wednesday but gee i cant really talk to her. maybe shell up my risperdal this timeto take care of the stuff im experiencing
__________________
schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
| LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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#756
Jul 29, 2024, 07:47 PM
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Dear T,
I hope stage 1 of the move went OK. I miss you. And wish I could talk to you. But I'm not going to bother you tonight or tomorrow. Love, LT |
| LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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#757
Jul 30, 2024, 07:11 AM
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Dear R,
I really hope you're able to create that opening for a virtual session tomorrow. I'm sorry I bothered you about it again--it's just easier for me to think I can talk to someone about this tomorrow than Dr. T Thursday. I think you'd be helpful in processing some of this, particularly things like Dr. T shutting the door of the waiting room. And he's too busy to bother right now (I'm sure you're busy, too, but he has to oversee the whole process, set up the waiting room, etc.). Love, LT |
| LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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#758
Jul 30, 2024, 09:24 AM
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t,
are you sure that story was about a client, and not about you? hmm… me
__________________
Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. |
 LonesomeTonight
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#759
Jul 30, 2024, 09:40 AM
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Dear T.
**** you. You're not even letting me see R? Seriously, **** you. I may just cancel Thursday. And maybe just leave forever. You're not just abandoning me, you're not letting me go to someone else to help--well, not to someone I know. I hate everything about this move. Right now, I hate you, too. LT |
| darkestpart, ScarletPimpernel
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| atisketatasket
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#760
Jul 30, 2024, 11:17 AM
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Dear T,
I wish I'd felt more caring from you in that call. It seemed to be more about whether I can continue to see R than about my distress. I really don't know if I want to keep Thursday's session, but I feel if I don't, then that might be too damaging to the relationship. Maybe I'll talk to you then, but think about taking at least one of the following week's sessions off the books, especially as I'll be away. Or perhaps all of them. I don't know. If you take away R, what else will you take away? LT |
| ScarletPimpernel
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#761
Jul 30, 2024, 11:51 AM
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Your the first therapist whos garbage can I've actually had to use. I've had plenty of therapists offer when I've gotten nauseated, but I've never needed to until today. I'm at home lying down now. I'll probably shoot you an email tommorow or Thursday. I know you weren't mad, but it was awkward.
__________________
"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka |
| LonesomeTonight
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#762
Jul 30, 2024, 04:13 PM
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Dear T,
I don't want to leave, but maybe I have to. I don't know. How did it end up like this? I just wanted a session with R while you were unavailable... LT |
| Lemoncake
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#763
Jul 30, 2024, 07:06 PM
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Dear T,
I know you. I see you. Fccking hell, man. You said whatever you said about it being hard to have double bipolar/BPD, but what about us folks that have done enough hard drugs that they don't need hard emotions and episodes that make them feel like unbearable suffering is all of life and question that DBT statement that "despite the pain, life is worth living." ? Dude, I canceled so I can spend the day sipping on the bottle and maybe...idk...but not seeing you again and quiting treatment, sorta.
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for." "Why not?" "Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them." "What, are you crazy?" "It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet," |
| LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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#764
Jul 30, 2024, 08:01 PM
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Dear T,
I just keep thinking of how you didn't check on my mental well-being during our phone call. Like, asking if I was OK, if I was safe. Talking about things that could help me. Anything like that. Your whole priority was about R. I think I do need to talk about that. I'm sure you'll say you cared and that's part of why you called, but it didn't really feel like it. I'm there sobbing and your priority is about whether I see R at some point when you're not on vacation. Is that the most important thing to you? Or is it my welfare? I certainly hope it's the latter. LT |
| Lemoncake, ScarletPimpernel
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#765
Jul 30, 2024, 08:31 PM
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Dear R,
I appreciated your warm confirmation of our session tomorrow. I hope it's helpful. And also that it's not the last session I get to have with you...I think I'll at least get the Friday before Labor Day, because Dr. T is actually on vacation then? And you have availability? I really hope you're still willing to see me. I mean, assuming I'm still seeing him then. Or either way, really. Love, LT |
| Lemoncake, ScarletPimpernel
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#766
Jul 31, 2024, 12:45 AM
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Dear T,
I'm just hurting so much....I should have just left you ages ago, I guess. LT |
| Lemoncake, LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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#767
Jul 31, 2024, 09:03 AM
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Hi R,
Well, the last couple of weeks have felt like a race to the last session. That end of year energy is hanging around, even though it's not. The fact that we had to talk about how to navigate this virtual time meant that I couldn't make the best use of our last two face to face sessions for me. Now I'm in a position where I'm talking at length to other people about this, and I'm going to have to catch you up eventually...isn't that weird? It feels weird to me. I wish I could say I am looking forward to seeing you...but this is a different conversation, that I didn't intend to have.... Lost
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
| LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#768
Aug 01, 2024, 12:19 PM
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Dear T,
**** you. I'm allowed to express anger. As things go, that wasn't even that harsh. And a bonus **** you for some of that other stuff. Also, I guess I should consider myself lucky that my parents would probably be there to support me even if they're moving. And my friends, too. And I'd do the same for them. Without complaining about it. --LT |
| InkyBooky, Lemoncake, LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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#769
Aug 01, 2024, 01:13 PM
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I resent having to hold the totality of my present experience in your absence.
Composing an email involves putting what I'm feeling into words, and that is really hard when it's so emotionally charged.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
| LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#771
Aug 01, 2024, 08:28 PM
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Dear T,
Can we work through this? I don't know. I need you to want to try. Which means being less defensive. And I can be less defensive, too. We both need to listen to each other and show compassion. I feel you didn't do enough of that today, but I think I didn't do enough of it either. I just don't want to end this way. There was a moment I saw the caring in your eyes. It may not be enough. But it gave me a glimmer of hope. I'd at least like to say good-bye in person, if nothing else. And maybe discuss our work together. Instead of ending with both of us rather annoyed at the other. Can't you at least help me with a good ending to the memoir? (I'm only partly kidding.) Even if it's ultimately me realizing I've reached the end of the road with you, at least for now, and needing to try someone/something else. Love, LT Last edited by LonesomeTonight; Aug 01, 2024 at 08:54 PM. Reason: changed mind |
| ScarletPimpernel
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#772
Aug 01, 2024, 10:51 PM
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Dear T,
You’ve been gone on vacation x amount of days. You have many more days of vacation left… …and I’m just fine. Isn’t one of our goals in therapy…to use the tools we’ve learned, get through it…and be fine? Eventually, I know, I will come across a situation I will want to bounce off you and receive feedback. In the meantime, I’m following your suggestion to ‘look for the small joys’. But today, I’m ok. And it’s kind of nice. Pre |
| LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#773
Aug 01, 2024, 11:04 PM
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L,
I know you're a therapist, my therapist, but I really wish I wasn't so reactive with you. I wish my BPD was more under control. I know you say that therapy is the right place for these things. I just feel like I'm holding you to such a high standard. I need to let you be human. "Perfectly imperfect." I'm sorry for being so hard on you. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I try so hard to be good.
__________________
"Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
| LonesomeTonight, precaryous
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#774
Aug 02, 2024, 06:44 AM
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I'm finding solace in this song lately.
'It's coming and it's gonna be a long night...'
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
| LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#775
Aug 02, 2024, 07:15 AM
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Dear T,
You response meant a lot. Thank you. Though I wish you could have just expressed all that yesterday in session. Love, LT |
| LostOnTheTrail, precaryous, ScarletPimpernel
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| Closed Thread |
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