Couch 249: The Self Care Couch

Today's art class was supposed to be abstract painting, but it turned into overthinking.
The closer tomorrow gets, the less I want it to come.

3rd day exercising. Just shoot me if i quit again.

I stop and start too all the time. My last break was for 2.5 months. I do too much, then get overwhelmed by it, because of my all or nothing personality. I have to go in 5-6 days a week getting there at 6am.

Aim small when you first start going to build the habit. Perhaps a group might be helpful.

There’s also lots of videos of exercises you can do whilst sitting on a chair.

On a side note : I didn’t commit to the therapy appointment when I asked for her availability. She told me she would be going on holiday in 6 weeks. I told her her it would be better for consistency if i started in September when she got back, even though I don’t intend on going anymore .

The song of the Earth. I looked that up though.

I started learning German back in October last year. I didn’t keep up with it because I was focused on other things . I still remember how to say the important things like cat and garden.

They have the entire European exam syllabus lessons A1-B2 on YouTube if you wanted to learn to.

Sorry y'all for getting overly sensitive again the other day. I am not sure what that was all about.

Anyway the session with R went pretty okay, a little awkward I suppose because she wasn't L but then again she is easy enough to talk to. She was helpful, and it's good that this is only 10 sessions because I don't have to go into any of the 'old stuff' that I already worked through years ago. Just focusing on the transition after breaking away from L.

In other news, our a/c went out a couple days ago. Yeah, right in the middle of the summer figures right? ha. Repair guy came yesterday and it was not good news. He showed us the block of ice in the attic, and I had already found ice on the hose going into the outside unit. Several things crapped out at the same time and we have to replace it. It's at the end of its expected lifespan anyway for our area. That was an expense we were not expecting! But the company has free financing for 12 months so we plan to pay it off within that time frame. They come to replace it on Monday of next week. Until then, our friend brought me a little room a/c unit I can use in my office since I work at home.

Let's see what else... hmm. Well, I submitted 4 more poems for possible publication, we'll see what happens!

Hugs, if wanted, Artie. I meant to clarify that my saying how you might like the "past lives" thing wasn't meant in a negative way at all. As I'm a bit "woo" about things myself (and liked that comment/idea from my R). So I hope you weren't reacting to that.

Glad the session with your R was OK--I imagine it will take a couple sessions to feel comfortable with her. And seems good you're focused on a particular topic.

That really sucks about your AC and that you have to wait until Monday. Glad they have a payment plan.

You don’t have to apologise for feeling Art. Maybe just use it as in indication of what’s going on.

Well done for going to the new T.

I’m glad your friend could lend you the little ac .

Fingers crossed on the publication.

Oh, and good luck on the poems, Artie!

No one posted here today yet? Where I am it’s 8:05pm

Huh, 4th day exercising. I thought it was only 3. I kinda overdid yesterday, i had wobbly legs and conked out during my nap.

And i developed a bit of a hotspot on the side of my foot near my little toe. I dont see a scratch but i think it was rubbing against my sandal while i was exerbiking? So i switched to thong-sandals (not thong-undergotchies!) 9and bandaged it up. It feels better now that its protected and not just waving in the wind.

We are busy doing politics.

I was busy this afternoon driving my car 250+ miles attempting to get the sensors to reset (after getting a new battery not long ago) and it failing emissions testing. We had our mechanic check it again this afternoon after the long drive and the sensors still haven't reset - it's the catalytic converters (my car apparently has 2?) he said one or both is/are bad and he can't tell until they get into it. Minimum repair if it's only the least-costly one would be around $2000 and the car is 19 years old. We paid $1700 for it 7 years ago, so no, we are not going to fix it. Not worth it. I'm looking into places like wheezly.com that will buy a junker and come pick it up for free, payment in hand. Wheezly offered $328 for it so I will likely go with that! We have 5 more days til the registration runs out. H's car is still in the shop getting another $2100 worth of work done, ugh. The good news in all of this is that I am not freaking out. I have been rationally looking at our options like I can do a loan from my 401K if I need to. I told H I honestly don't mind not having a car for a while, anyway. PLENTY of couples survive with one car and there are a lot of people who don't even have one car. I work at home, I don't go to therapy anymore, I don't need a car. I do need the house a/c to work, however, since I am in the house pretty much 24/7 and it's been 105-110 f outside lately! We will figure it out. We always do.

We were busy dealing with cockroaches...first professional treatment today, then they come back in 2 and 4 weeks. We could have gone with an annual plan, where they visit quarterly, but I'd rather knock these out, so we went with this option (pay once for the three visits), Can switch to quarterly plan later if we want.

I was worried about the guinea pigs being OK, but they're topical treatments that dry quickly with no odor, and they're a floor away (they've seemed totally fine so far, knock on wood...). The guy seemed endeared by them when he came upstairs to have me sign the paperwork. The pigs seemed disappointed he did not have food for them.

Between them and the mold (plus occasional mice), I'm ready for our house to be free of uninvited growths and creatures!

Maybe take it easy tomorrow then? Rest days are good!

We only have one car, Artie. It seems to work well. H works from home, but likes to get food or coffee at least once a day. And then I use the car for doctors and therapy. Haven't run into a problem unless we forget to get him food before I leave!

I wrote that post and closed my eyes. A nap that late wasn’t good. Now it’s 9:45pm and I’m wide awake. Should make for an awesome night.

Una…definitely give the blister some rest and time to heal. I’m glad wrapping it helped.

LT..the mold was rough enough without the cockroaches. I would have just gave the roaches the house. “Here you go. All yours. I’m out.” Im kidding, but I don’t think I would be able to eat and sleep if I saw those in my house. I hope they are gone after the treatments.

On broken cars and broken air conditioners and 401k loan. Don’t forget to hold the taxes on the loan amount. Counts as income. Uncle Sam will tell you to pay up come tax season.

Having only one car works for many families if one person works from home and doesn’t have a commitment elsewhere during the day.

Yep. I'd really like to make it work. We don't need a car payment on top of the monthly payment for the new a/c !

Today I feel like I'm drowning.

It's quite something to be physically fine and yet feel mentally ragged all at the same time.

Friday is a busy day for the helpline, so I don't feel like I'm willing to do that.

Hugs, Lost...Feel free to post here all you want.

I felt better after the conk out nap. Maybe the trick is to exercise later at night, when i will just be going to bed afterwards anyways. Tonight i plan to exercise during Lingo.

No rest days! They turn into rest weeks and months. Matthew mcconaughey sweats every day. Fernando Lamas does 300 situps every day. I eat salad and "bicycle" every day. Actually its a Cubi or something. My uncle used to touch his toes every day, til he broke a hip changing the channel on the tv. Walking to it, not just using a remote. I just realized the joke there

Thanks, LT.

Yesterday's session wasn't the final in person session until September I 'wanted', if that's even possible.

R asked me how I was doing, and I began to struggle from the get go.

'I am...not going to do this today...' was all I managed before I broke.

Things were complicated by the meeting at work being scheduled for later in the day.

It's been a long time since I've been so soluble.

R said she had a sense that I'm pissed off with her (a real Sherlock moment...) and that she felt she 'held some guilt' because it was her decision, but she had to hold her boundary.

That caused me to dissolve again, and she asked whether she should move closer.

I agreed, and we talked about changing the subject during the time we're working online.

'Is it about being physically alone with those emotions?'

Enter Soluble Lost.

'I'm right here with you.'

I bit back 'You're not allowed to say that while we're working online.'

We talked about her laptop issues, and she confirmed that it's fine.

'I wasn't trying to prepare you for technical difficulties. I felt your prickliness when I said that last week.'

We have agreed to switch to WhatsApp if anything happens.

That sounds like a difficult last in-person session, Lost.

And yeah, it's great (meant sarcastically) when they have Sherlock moments like that--"Hm, it seems you're upset about this." Like, "How observant. You should be a therapist." Shouldn't it be obvious that you're upset with her because you don't want to be physically alone? And she's the one making the choice to do that (rather than, say, if she were ill, so couldn't help being virtual).

It's good you told her not to say "I'm right here" when online--I hope she holds to that. And good you have WhatsApp planned as a backup.

When is your first virtual session?

Hope you were able to get some sleep!

Thanks for the wishes about the cockroaches. They're definitely creeping me out. As my H has said a couple times, "My heebs have been jeebed" (as in, heebie jeebies). I'm just thankful that I'd already moved my workspace to a different floor...

The exterminator guy (I'm sure there's a more appropriate term, like "pest technician") seemed so excited about them, too. I mean, I guess he wouldn't be in that job if he were creeped out by bugs...

My recent wasp removal guy was scared of them! I pointed at one of their nests and immediately he was like oh nope not going there. They were incredibly friendly though. I feel bad for killing them, if they could just not destroy stuff, that'd be great!