Couch 252: Kitties and Hawks

Elk should have big beautiful butts.

Once I got them to just sit there and not try to talk - it was not unuseful as a place to rant about the medical treatment of my person because they had no stake in it. With friends -they all had their own emotions about her and what was going on.

Had a weird panic attack during a Dr. T session, almost like an anaphylaxis thing where it felt my throat was closing and I was having trouble breathing. Really weird. I said I wanted to step out for a minute, and Dr. T said he could step out for a few instead if I wanted. So I opted for that. It did seem to help. I texted a friend, had some water, and watched half of a 1-minute calming exercise on the Calm app. I think I just needed a couple minutes to breathe and not feel like I was being observed.

I realized my being upset about yesterday's session was at least partly about my being incredibly stressed in general--stuff with my D acting out, H getting MRI results showing he may need yet another surgery soon, etc. How some of it was about things Dr. T said yesterday, but those was causing my already-full bucket to overflow. Though some of what he was saying to me early in the session was not helpful, so I was like, "Can you just stop talking about this topic?" He did.

It was sort of funny at the end. He asked how I was doing, and I said "better." He said he wasn't sure if he'd said anything helpful. I said maybe just being able to express things in session helped. He said, "So maybe just my being here helped. Or maybe my not being here," referencing his stepping out for a few minutes. Which did amuse me.

Hoo-wah! I got my 14 year badge here. Thats 2 debunked total cell turnovers. I appreciate mmy time here. When i first started, the voice in my head sounded like Helen Gurley Brown writing her editorial column in 'TEEN Magazine. I think i finally found my own.

RIP Norma Swenson - one of the authors for Our Bodies Ourselves.

Those were the good old days.