Couch 252: Kitties and Hawks

Well said, Ghost.

I couldn't reach the words.

NP, I can definitely understand your uncertainty over this.

Not sure if this will help, but I have met therapists outside the office before. With ex-MC, H and I met him once at a coffee shop across the street for a session (he often meets clients there). It felt OK to me (though, admittedly, this was before the transference really developed for me).

Then, during the pandemic, I met Dr. T outside the same coffee shop, at their outdoor tables, a few times. I admit the first time did feel a bit more friend-like and a bit awkward (I think it was also the first time I saw him wearing shorts, which was a bit weird, too.) But it was nice seeing him in person. It felt much less weird the other few times we met outside. And it just felt normal when we eventually transitioned back to his office--it's not like meeting outside those few times changed our relationship in the long-term, if that makes sense.

Another thought:.I assume he still knows other people in your area. Is there any way he could borrow a colleague's office for a session to meet with you? Or maybe even not a therapy colleague, but just someone who has a private office even if they're, I don't know, a CPA, say. Especially if it might be on a weekend, they could be open to it. There are also places where offices can be rented by the day or hour. And some libraries, community centers, etc. have rooms that you could use, maybe for free (libraries) if you reserve them. I wonder if something like that might feel more comfortable for you than a cafe or park? If it's more of a professional space?

I'd hate for you to miss out on being able to see him in person one last time if you feel you want to do that. But I also get your not wanting to end things on an awkward note. Maybe he could give you the option to meet one more time virtually after that if you want? So I'd take some time to think about it, maybe email him in more detail about your concerns, see if he has any other ideas.

Great points, LT.

Tomorrow is my teeth surgery. I’m scared.

Sending you lots of hugs, Scarlet.

Hugs, Scarlet. I hope it goes well and that you aren't in too much pain.

That was one of my worst surgeries. I’m in so much pain and it’s not even mouth pain yet. I’m having chest pains, nausea, and an extreme headache.

I'm so sorry...did they use general anesthesia or laughing gas/nitrous oxide? If so, wondering if you could be reacting to that? I'd contact the dentist/dental surgeon if you're feeling that bad. The chest pains are especially concerning. Or consider urgent care or ER.

They used anesthesia. I’m thinking too much? I don’t even remember getting home. I took some ibuprofen. All the side effects went away. Now I’m just in a lot of pain. I need more meds and an ice pack (my two are warm).

I'm glad those side effects went away. Hope the pain lessens soon.

According to the NYT Spelling Bee today, ACKED is not a word.

They don’t know stopdog.

Maybe it's only valid in the present tense? Maybe they know stopdog better than we do...

This past week there was a local carnival.
They have it every year at the local church as a fundraising event for the church to support the food pantry and other things. Anyways it’s free to get into the actual carnival but then of course you buy the tickets to ride the rides and food and stuff. Anyways the carnival always draws people from nearby towns and you would think the more the merrier but that’s not the case. Every single night the carnival was here the teenagers from surrounding towns caused big fights. I mean huge gangs of kids causing fights. It’s just sad what the world has come to.

I had a dream last night I found a lot of money. Does that mean I’m soon going to be rich so I don’t have to work anymore? . It was a nice feeling in the dream to have all the cash. It was probably money I wasn’t supposed to keep. I can only assume in my next dream I’ll be hunted down for said money.

Jersey, see if you can be a nanny for that Aeres youtube kid with the blond hair and big blue eyes - they are rich! Even the kid has boxes of money lying around. Aaaaand they have lots of cookies and candy

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That sounds like a nice dream!

I had some random ones last night, including one where I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding. Then I got to the wedding itself, and there were dresses for everyone but me. For me, there was a nun's habit (outfit)--the others had a flattering burgundy dress. I was very upset about this, yelling and making a scene (unlike me). One former friend was laughing at me, but others were sympathetic.

Not sure what that was all about...there was a bunch of other stuff in the dream, too (including the bathrooms being broken and having to use desk drawers instead!). I mean, maybe it's about how some of those past friendships are behind me (as they're trying to put me in a certain role, like the nun costume), and that I need to focus on people who support me and see me as I am now? I don't know.

Do you feel like you've been left out in any areas ?You've been left out in the dream and you're angry about it. You can't get what you want so have alternatives.

Nun= covering up the body. Perhaps you have to cover up how you feel.

I haven’t heard of those people until you mentioned them. I clicked the link. Cute kid! Maybe in my dream one of the kids I cared for in my life was leaving me some of their money. Haha.

I bet those drawers in that desk ended up warping after being used for bathroom purposes.

Oh, good thought on the covering up my body and covering up how I feel! I'll need to think about that more.

And I have felt left out by some friends in the past, a couple of whom appeared in the dream (I haven't really reconnected with them).

I think I must be the only person in the world that doesn’t actually enjoy getting pedicures done. Where I live pedicures run about 50 bucks these days and they do make ugly feet look much better but dang. I wish I could relax a little more when getting it done. I find most of the process kind of annoying. Anybody else?

I hate pedicures and manicures. I’ve had 1 pedicure and maybe 3 manicures? H and I both had manicures for our wedding (for taking pictures of the rings on our hands). I find them painful, both. I don’t even wear nail polish. Though one time I put glitter nail polish on my toenails. I couldn’t get the stuff off. I was in the er and the nurse offered to try to get it off. That was the last time I wore nail polish.

I don’t get my fingernails done ever. I used to when I was younger, still living with my parents and had money to waste but I also cared a little bit more back then about style and stuff. Pedicures I get a few of them in the summer because I have really ugly/bad feet and I’m in open toe shoes a lot especially when I’m doing water activities outside in the summer with the kids I take care of. I don’t enjoy getting them though and I don’t know how to do them myself.

I think my time studying and being a nail tech was just one long dissociation. So much effin stress. So much weirdness. I am still unwinding from my entire effing life.

Una-I can understand that. The nail techs also don’t get a break. They all work from when the shop opens until they close. The one did my toes today was there since 9am open time and she still had 2 more people waiting at 7pm. And 7pm is when the shop closes but that won’t turn customers away.