Tears, Screaming, Cursing, Transference :(

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MissCharlotte said:
All I ever needed as a child was some ground beneath my feet.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Where's your adult person, your now person who's competent at work and with friends, etc.? I'm not sure I accept that we can expect things not to change over time just because it is therapy or they are therapists? Therapist get married and have other emergencies too :-)

One is certainly fine getting angry that this is so, we get angry as part of the grieving process when someone dies. "Why did you leave me?" is almost a cliched rant. I think you should get in contact with the you that took you to therapy in the first place, the one doing the work and changing? If it weren't phone calls, wouldn't it possibly be something else? Therapy doesn't go smoothly, starting at grade 1, doing the assignments, getting gold stars, and graduating, all smiles, at grade 12?

There is nothing different in your life now than you have ever had except you have more experience and resources to understand and arrange things a little more comfortably for yourself than as a child when you were more helpless. But you still can't arrange other people, get them to do things your way if it isn't good for them too.

Hey all,

sitting outside T's office in my car.

Perna said:
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Where's your adult person, your now person who's competent at work and with friends, etc.? I'm not sure I accept that we can expect things not to change over time just because it is therapy or they are therapists? Therapist get married and have other emergencies too :-)

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Who ever said things shouldn't change? Not me. Clearly you don't understand my post or my dilemma. I was making a statement about how I recently realized the precarious nature of my child self.

A little more support would have gone a long way. If I wanted a lecture I would have asked for it.

Peace

Miss Charlotte,
How are you? How did it go with T? Are you okay?

MissCharlotte,
Here's the letter I wrote to you. I've got your back, Sister!

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He admitted that he mishandled the issue to begin with.

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Okay, that's great. His 'mishandling' has caused you a lot of intense pain. He told you once that what you felt was the pain of abandonment and now because he mishandled the situation you are going through this pain again. Hello, MissCharlotte's T, I believe the goal is to help the patient feel and release this pain SLOWLY so the intense emotions can be tolerated.

If I'm wrong, let me know, but I'm thinking that you must be feeling rejected AND abandoned. No wonder you are in so much pain! And then to be slapped in the face about being payed for the calls?? Echoes, let's go clobber this guy! Yes, I understand that this is his time and maybe he should be paid for it BUT that should have been set up from the start! IN NO WAY should he have asked you about payment at this time! Come on, Echoes, hurry up, let's go!

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Interestingly enough, I knew I was reaching a very old hurt and realization of self.

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Again, forgive me if I am projecting as this really hits a note with me, but I always tell my T that I fear that my neediness will sooner or later chase him away (abandonment issues). What in the @#$@ is your T thinking? Timing is everything and his sucks! It is okay for you to be needy - you shouldn't be ashamed in spite of his actions! Lean on us if you need to!

These boundaries should have been introduced in a timely fashion or better yet, at the beginning of therapy. You don't tell a patient that you're not going to let her use your buckets when the ship feels like it is sinking to her. You tell her at the beginning, if you start sinking I will only allow you to borrow two buckets, period. You tell her that you will not say only one bucket when you are in a time of need.

In my opinion, this is his sh*$, NOT YOURS! I hope you print this and show it to your T! I've already been banned from emailing my T and have no fears in this area, LOL. How dare he do this to you! I won't allow it! Echoes and I and anyone else who wants to join are coming to rescue you - screw the buckets! We are first going to save you, make sure you are safe, and then we are going to have words with your T.

Okay. Here's the plan. I'm going to come and save you. Here's how much I care for you - I'm taking the only flight available - snakes on a plane.



Echoes is coming by canoe.



We'll put you in this cave protected by an angelsmiley. You'll be safe here. Feel free to draw on the walls.



And then. . . this is your T:


And this is us . . .



I love you Miss Charlotte. Be safe. Peace be with you.

Sorry I came off as lecturing, Miss Charlotte I was just thinking, if you could use one of the parts inside that isn't hurt to work on the breach. . .

{{{MissCharlotte}}}

I am fine. Thank you all so very much for your support. Perna, I'm sorry I got grouchy.

I am still in therapy. We are working through this.

A word of explanation: My therapy is an analytical therapy. So, when T and i talk about things we go beneath the surface to see what's causing the issue. It is rarely about what I think it is.

It is an important part of my therapy to be able to identify my child parts. I have only just begun to acknowledge their existence.

Thanks again.

Peace

MissCharlotte,

I am really sorry you are struggling through this issue with your T. However I can't help but notice how your are tackling this rupture head on with your T. Honestly I think I would have ran away a long time ago. I give you a lot of credit for continuing to digging below the surface.

McKell,

Well, you know what they say:

It ain't over till it's over.

I got through tonite, and that is it. We'll see about the rest.

If I don't tackle this head on, I will feel as though the last year was wasted. I just can't do that to myself.

Peace

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MissCharlotte said:
I am fine....

I am still in therapy. We are working through this.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I am so happy to hear this!

Yeah i am in agreement with both as well... my t did charge for phone calls that lasted longer than 5 minutes... it was pro-rated off our actual fees. But that was known from the get go... it also felt like a slap in the face. I nver called her and felt i could never, even if my life depended on it. After half a year she also started charging for emails (longer than 5 pages) mine were usually 10, but i dnd't talk in session, so she was not as strct with me. But i couldn't deal with the inconsistancies of her personality or how she might miss my time (which happened at least twice) but then the one time i missed hers, she said she'd charge me if it ever happened again. And yet she did help me learn a lot and gain new insights... but the instability was too familiar and i found myself being my chamelion self - changing on depending on who she was... which wasn't healthy.
I've read your posts and know how much you care about your t and what you've learned... this is one of those precarious things and i just hope for the best for you both.

(((((((((((((holding you both, with room)))))))))))))))))))))))
kiya