[yitachen]

I really get the feeling that my T does not like me. She almost always starts our sessions a little late (maybe at five after or so, instead of right on the hour) and ends either exactly on time, or right before. The "50" minute sessions usually end up closer to 40 minute ones.

This wouldn't bother me as much if I felt like the 40 minutes were well-spent, but often I feel like she's uninterested and just going through a checklist of things. How's the eating? How's the anxiety? How's the SI? Just a big list and never really beyond the surface.

I don't feel like I can talk to her about most things and although she's super nice, she just doesn't get it. I have a nutritionist that is amazing and makes a lot of psychological connections. She understands me better than anybody else in the world, but I think often she is afraid of crossing a boundary between therapist and nutritionist. Every night when I try to fall asleep I think of how much I want my nutritionist to be my therapist. She is the one that "gets" me, that helps me, that supports and believes in me. She's the only reason that I'm still here today (feel guilty that I might disappoint her if I ended it all).

I guess I'm getting sidetracked, but I was wondering if you guys could tell me some of your experience with termination? I've been seeing T for about six months, but I still don't feel comfortable. I want to switch, but I'm afraid. I don't want to admit I made a mistake and that I wasted her time. I am so scared. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks

[ECHOES]

only you know what's right for you.

I had a psychologist who didn't want to talk in depth and I did. After several months I began looking around for a psychoanalytic psychotherapist who does depth work and I made the switch. It's the best thing I ever did for myself.

Could you ask her first. Sometimes its a good skill to develop just talking with someone about what you want. See how she responds and then decide. I think therapists hate when you leave and they have no idea why. Of course, the bad thing is you have to have a conversation on your dime. Maybe you can email her a letter expressing what you want from her. You sound like you have allot of good insight on this though.

[smiley1984]

think of it this way, I assume you are paying something for sessions - she is working for you. Why keep wasting money on you feel is not helping?

You said you've been seeing her for 6 months, why not ask how long she thinks it should take to see any improvement? and when should you try something/someone else? It is your life and your health - be concerned about yourself, psychologists have seen and heard lots of things, and she won't be offended.

[(JD)]

((((hugs))) Why do you feel fear in changing?

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I don't feel like I can talk to her about most things

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Could it be that you aren't talking and she is asking questions to try and get you to share? She isn't a mind reader.

Most T sessions are only 50 minutes, which may begin on or after the top of the hour. I wonder if you are paying less than her usual fee, and thus the 40 minute sessions? I'm sure you would have made an agreement to this effect though.

Why not talk to your T about the great connection you have with the nutritionist?

[ECHOES]

since I first posted my reply, I've read the other replies and I wanted to say that I think talking to her first is necessary. as the others have suggested.

She may be just giving you time to get comfortable, to learn to trust her, letting you go at your own pace until you do feel comfortable so you can "...talk to her about most things."

My T's great suggestion that I rely on is to "Begin where you are." Say anything that comes to mind. To talk about anything and everything that comes to mind. And to know that those things can be talked about again and again.

I think to begin where you are, feeling uncomfortable and having concerns about whether you and she are a good fit, is a wonderful place to start. It can help the relationship and the therapy so much.

[chaotic13]

I often struggle with not being able to feel like I can talk. Luckily for me when I have been successful in communicating something, my T's responses have been positive. So for me the problem lies with me. The way you describe things, it seems like you have some real valid concerns. You've invested 6 months in this therapeutic relationship, if you are not getting what you want from it then it may be time to think about alternatives. Only you can know if you've given it enough of a chance.

I think all of the suggestions above are all good. Sky's idea of talking about the qualities you like best in your nutritionist sound like a good way to start the discussion about what you want from her. I think EV's comment about using this as an opportunity to practice talking to someone about what you want is great. I do think it would be a good idea to at least talk directly with her before terminating. Hard of course but beneficial.

[sunrise]

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yitachen said:
never really beyond the surface.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I think it would be helpful to share with her this yearning of yours to go beyond the surface. See what she says. Her response may help guide you in your decision on whether to stick with her or switch.

[yitachen]

Thank you all for the replies.

I have met with my T three times since posting this message and feel a lot better. I think I was disappointed in myself because I felt like I had been close to her and then I started to give up and tell myself that she wouldn't ever possibly be able to help me. I didn't think she noticed but the week before last she asked if I was okay because I seemed "distant." She actually kind of reached with her hand in the air towards me and tried to "pull me back." It was cute.

She also was amazing last week. When I felt like the rest of my "treatment team" was giving up on me, she was there to help. She did seem to actually care last time. She told me she had reread my email and was concerned for my safety. I've been able to bring up harder topics with her lately and feel much better. She even called this morning. In the 7-8 months I've been working with her, this has never happened (although I do send her emails sometimes). I have major phone anxiety and haven't really talked to non-family members on the phone without a panic attack since February 2007. But, I was able to call her back tonight! It went fine and even though I just left a message, there was not much freaking out.

I don't think I want to switch anymore ;-)

[tulips30]

It makes me really glad to read this. You sound like a different person. One with hope. It's amazing how different things can feel after a really good, positive session with t. YOU made the effort and that's the difference. Sounds like she wanted it too. Keep up the good work.

tulips