The Switch to Lurkerhood

Hey all,

Some of you might remember that I used to be pretty active on this board. I guess I've been gone for a while now. I still lurk and read posts some of the time, but I've been crazy busy. I wanted to tell you all what became of me, since life is suddenly good again.

After being depressed for ages -- having lost my job, having panicked about my lack of education credentials for the field I work in, having seen my ex-longtime-love become involved with someone new -- these are the things I've done:

1. Found a new job in spite of a less-than-stellar resume (though I do have lots of good work experience). And I like it (though the first couple of months were high-stress while I tried to adjust).

2. Enrolled in a certificate program in my field. Certificate programs are great since they can tailor to the level of experience and I don't have to take anything redundant. I'm now officially a student at www.Sessions.edu -- The classes are hard but I'm really enjoying them and learning a lot of stuff I didn't know and improving my work (I'm a self-taught designer since I didn't know what I wanted to study back when I was in school).

3. I talked to lots of folks about what was going on with me (here as well as IRL). IRL I couldn't seem to talk as well to the friends I'd been closest to in the past. But I talked to lots of folks who had been acquaintances but are now good friends. I found tremendous support there. I filled my life with work, therapy (still doing group as well as individual), classes, etc. so that I'd be too busy to be depressed. And just when I was too busy to even begin to have time for it, I met someone new and am dating again (for a couple of months now). And after all the therapy I've had it's SO different. So easy to talk and communicate. Definitely different. Scary because I wonder what will happen (will I change my mind about this guy?) but also exciting. And definitely validating to feel desirable again.

Okay I hope I don't sound like I'm just totally bragging here. That's not my intent. But I did want to say that things *can* get better. I was in the darkness for so long. Days when I felt I just wanted to play in traffic, when I felt like there was nothing left. Now I can hardly remember why I felt that way. I guess I'm back in the game. Maybe that'll be encouraging to other folks I don't know.

Therapy's still helpful as always. Though now it's harder to figure out what to work on since I'm no longer just trying to stay afloat. All the communication stuff is really paying off though.

And that's the update in my world. Hope you all are well. Sorry I don't write much nowadays but I do try to read posts. You guys were so helpful to me when I was so confused and depressed.

Thanks,
Sidony

Hey sidony! Yea!!! I am so pleased for you. Thanks for dropping by and updating us :-)

sidony, I'm so glad to hear from you! Thanks for sharing what's happening in your life. Your post was a total upper!

The online certificate sounds like a good solution to the "lack of credentials" issue. What is your official degree in? (I'm asking because my daughter really likes graphic design but doesn't know if she wants to major in it--she wants to do business.)

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
But I talked to lots of folks who had been acquaintances but are now good friends. I found tremendous support there.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">That is great!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I met someone new and am dating again (for a couple of months now). And after all the therapy I've had it's SO different. So easy to talk and communicate.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">That is fantastic too. Your T must feel so proud. It gives me hope too, that if I ever have another relationship, I will do it better than the last miserable failure.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I did want to say that things *can* get better.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I think it is really important to post those positive things here. They can be inspiring.

It sounds like you are doing so well with your real life relationships--new friends, boyfriend, etc. But how about your group therapy? I remember that was always a struggle. How is that going? Are you having as much success there as with your other relationships?

Thanks Mouse! I'm glad y'all like my updates.

And Sunrise, thanks for your note.

To answer your question (and sorry if this answer's a tad long):
My actual degree is in English. I had no clue what I wanted to study in school, but I was good at writing so I did that. I had thought I might want to go on to graduate school, but there was never any subject I was interested enough in. So I just started working. I was working at a Kinko's actually in the beginning, just in their copy center. But I started playing around with Web design after I found a book on it and started making a webpage for some friends. Then their computer department needed help and offered to train me on the graphics programs (since I obviously liked computers). And I went from there to other design jobs. So I slowly accumulated a decade (and more) of design experience. So I guess it's time to formally study it. I always did do things backwards. :-)

And that's my career history in a nutshell. I'm glad I found the online program. A certificate will be helpful, the classes are great, and eventually I hope to do the Master's Certificate program too. So I'm hoping not to get laid off again, but I'll have better credentials if I do. (Okay, so it's not a fine-arts degree, but it's still a challenging program -- and the certificiate + my original degree + lots of experience should be enough to give me a better shot at more jobs.)

Okay, that's enough non-therapy-related info. :-) But I'm glad you guys listen to my stories. Life situations definitely affect mental health!!!

But you asked about group therapy: It's going well lately. The last time I felt like quitting I talked about it and the fact that I felt that way. And something about all the responses made me feel different, and now I'm into it at the moment. It's been easier than usual to talk though there are still things that I'm failing to say (I haven't even updated them about my dating again other than a very brief allusion). It's getting better though. A new guy just joined and he asks me questions sometimes that get me talking (he's trying to catch up on all the info I guess). And his own story has been interesting, and thinking about other people's problems is helpful sometimes. I don't know. At the moment I'm positively inclined toward group therapy, but I never know how long that's going to last. Right now I'll say it's a good thing.

I'm dating a guy who is really good at communicating. He's a proponent of therapy also and sees his own therapist. So far I'm doing a good job of saying how I feel most of the time. And even when I screw it up I email him. I hope I can keep it up and do things better this time. At the very least I don't want a relationship to end for the exact same reason as the ones in the past (my lack of communicating how I feel). I'm pretty sure this one will go better though. My fear is that I'll change my mind about how I feel about him (I have a history of withdrawing from people), but it may be that I changed my mind in the past because I wasn't really being myself (that's T's theory anyway). I hope this will go better. I'm very hopeful.

Hope feels great.

Sidony

P.S. If I could go back to school all over again, I'd major in Graphic Design with a minor in Psychology.

Wow, it is so weird that you posted tonight. Just this afternoon I was looking around PC and I was thinking I should do a "Where are you, Sidony?" post. I was really wondering where in the world you went to and how you are doing. I'm so glad that things are going well for you. Are you still going to group?

Hey Pink!

Thanks for thinking of me and noticing I've been gone. I do miss you guys but life got kind of crazy busy for a while. And there's something about new love that can eat up a lot of time.

Yup, still doing group. Lately it's gone really a well. Sometimes it's really fascinating. I'd love to be a fly on the wall in group -- I'd never lose interest. It's just the part where I have to participate that's difficult for me. But lately I've had sucess there too. I leave out too much when I talk -- I think I worry that if I try to give out details that I'll talk too long or something -- but I've still done a decent job of communicating some fairly intense stuff lately. I managed to explain the demise of my last relationship in a way that more people understood it than had before. I still have trouble with just keeping up in general -- since it's hard for me to communicate about more serious topics, I take longer to think of what I want to say, and then sometimes I'm behind in the conversation. Which can be frustrating and cause me to clam up. But lately I've still managed to talk quite a bit though I usually need help (someone to ask me something directly). But I seem to get that fairly often. So right now I'd say it's going really well. I had to miss a week recently when I was traveling for work (another reason why I've been silent on the board is that I was away for nearly 2 weeks) and I remember feeling really down about that. Was afraid I'd miss out.

All types of therapy are ultimately fascinating in my opinion.

Sidony