i am dreading seeing T this week. He was so obviously delighted with the "better me" that i am mortified to go in like this.

life has been misery all week. Bouts of depression, high anxiety, flashes of things i don't want to think about... i miss my husband terribly at times. i am lonely. Meds are messing me up (not the psych meds).

today was an ok day... not as dramatic as the last few...i was able to drag myself around at least. i am sluggish. i can't even walk very fast. i ate out just to be out someplace.

i have never seen T so content as on friday. i know he is supposed to help me and isn't there for having a great time... but it made me happy to see him happy... who doesn't feel good when they can make their T smile and laugh? How can i go back in like this?

i don't even know what to say to him... "hi T... look how crappy i really am"..... ?

[Kiya]

so you had an up day. up days happen =) then back to our lives, eh? eventually you may have more up days with the "better" self. and you may not.
let all those expectations slide off your shoulders. perhaps your t was more amused and shocked than what you percieved him as? we can never really know what our t's are thinking about us at any given time.
you'll be fine - ok? just be yourself- wherever you're at.
it will be ok.
let us know!
Kiya

well.. thats true, i cant read his mind either

he was very talkative, and was very much in his groove... he was better able to have a conversation with me in the manner he works... i was grasping what he said better, and giving him decent feedback. His overt rxns to my answers seemed very positive.

ive just never seen him quite that way...

i mean, i know he likes me and he is good with me, we laugh a lot, even in the bad times... he doesn't hate seeing me i dont think... but i dunno... now there is a comparison.. a precedent.

i worry about something else too... that he is going to think that is what i should shoot for... and think maybe i can *be* that person

but i'm not that person. im just me. plain old boring me.

maybe i am not trusting him? hmm... wait.. i need to think.. maybe this is a trust issue??

[chaotic13]

((Jello)) You T knows who you are. He care about you when your up or when you down. Just be yourself and go with the flow.

[sunrise]

Jello, could it be that since you were so "up", your T was just mirroring that back to you and so it seemed like he was delighted, positive, talkative, etc.?

Good advice from McKell...

[chaotic13]

Jello,
How are you doing today?